He sounds like he's desperate for attention, even when he really doesn't need/deserve any. So when his wife - who is the one who should be getting the attention - is sick, maybe he can't stand that all the focus is on her. Therefore, he has to pull some 'heroics' so everyone will think "wow, look how strong he is, look how dedicated he is..." and he becomes the focus of attention. The only thing you can do in that situation is for everyone to NOT NOTICE his heroics; just ignore them but treat him like you would anyone in his situation. Or maybe someone should tell him "Look, all your drama and heroics aren't helping anything. Let's focus on getting your wife better..." I don't know. Just a thought.
Do you expect the man in the marriage to be strong.
Strength in a man is very attractive, if its true strength, and not the I AM MAN< ME BOSS mentality often associated with being a strong male rolemodel. My ex-husband was often "unmanly" but at the same time it was one of the things that drew me to him, his ability to show emotion, not be the typical "I AM MAN" guy. It became something that annoyed me greatly, indecisive, shaken and stirred during crisis. But I also came to realize, he was that way with good reason, there was damage there. As Bikerchic pointed out, its often the case. I would try to ignore his behavior as much as possible, and feel some empathy towards the man. You mentioned he had alot of failures in life, perhaps he compounds each with more of a feeling of unworthiness and the only aspect he feels he is worthy in, is being a devoted husband. Maybe that's why he goes overboard with it. He knows he has failed over and over, but he knows he loves her and is totally devoted to her, its his way of saying, SEE I AM NOT WORTHLESS. Just a thought.
Strength in a man is very attractive, if its true strength, and not the I AM MAN< ME BOSS mentality often associated with being a strong male rolemodel.
I AM MAN! I AM the BOSS. Thank God my wife is as strong-willed as she is. As far as I am concerned, a man has got to suck it up and get it done-regardless of the situation. And yes, a man has also got to be vulnerable in front of his wife. The wife needs to feel that the man can handle the crisis whatever it is and be the pillar of strength. How could a woman respect anything less? If there is a BRIEF period of time after the crisis when the man needs a break, or shows some real emotion, that is fine. Humanity is a necessity for all of us. It's the bloke who wets his pants when his wife cuts her finger that is going to continue to fail in life.
If my wife wasn't who she is, I would not be able to respect her. It is the woman who can control much of the dynamics in the marriage just by showing some strength of character. But it is also the woman who can beat a man down by never letting up. A man has got to be a man and let his balls drop so he can gain the respect of his wife. Poor is the marriage where the man gives up and puts on a dress. Not all women or marriages are this way-for some it seems that there is not much work to their getting along. But I firmly believe that in these relationships the wife has decided not to make an issue of most things until it is something really important to her. I'd bet the real strength in the marriage lies with her and things go well for the both of them because she allows him to believe he is running the show.
I've been married for almost 20 years. Not an easy accomplishment given some of my past choices. My wife's strength of character is the only reason we have made it this far. I was always strong-willed, but made poor decisions. When I pulled my head out I was suddenly able to see what an idiot I had been and get back on track. Yes, I am MAN, but only with my wife's love and support. And yes, she relies on me and trusts me to make the tough call in the tough situations.
I'd bet the real strength in the marriage lies with her and things go well for the both of them because she allows him to believe he is running the show
Well said CCS.
In a marraige I think that each partner will eventually play the weak part as well as the strong part. I don't think that strength is totally the man's responsibility. Why does the woman always have to be the one to be the weak, crying can't handle anything person?
I don't like stereotyping. If my kids got hurt the hubby was useless. Not that he is a wimp he just can't stand seeing people he loves hurt. He's the same with me if I'm in pain or sick, let's not even discuss childbirth! His mom is elderly and going through a lot, he depends on me to be strong for him.
Your father-in-law sounds like he a drama king! It does sound like he's a little overdramatic!
I guess I just think that the man does not always have to be the ROCK!
1Cor 1:26-29,2:3-5 "For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; 27but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, 28and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, 29so that no man may boast before God........3 And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, 4and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God."
A man is a human being too, and subject to being vulnerable. I agree with Gayle & exNJjw that partners may have to take turns being the strong one. With that said, I want someone who is emotionally strong and resilient, because I am.
In 1995 my younger brother ended his life with a gunshot to his head(35). I was supposed to be a pillar of strength. I tried to remain composed at work, but it was impossible. He was a bad boy-drugs, theft, violence. In the early 90's I told him to clean up his act. I was a proud father of a new daughter then. I said this type of activity was not allowed anywhere near my family, and come see me when it ends.
On my daughters 5th birthday, his troubles ended. I wanted so bad to smile at her birthday, but sadly I could not. My wife, however did smile. She is a pillar of strength when it comes to the death of a family member. I am the sensitive one in the family.
For many nights, I wanted to tell him I was so sorry for not helping out. My request went unanswered. It was then time to move on.
My spiritual journey began sometime thereafter. I became less bitter in life, and actually found happiness in my small family. I gained new found respect for everyone around me. Even my nutty mother-in-law.
I still cry at the odd movie. Forest Gump when Jenny died. Farenheit 9-11 when the towers collapsed.
The wife and I are opposites when it comes to many things, but we are complete together after 25 years.
Just thought you would like to hear that.
Gen 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
: "You see, I think the man or husband, in the relationship needs to be strong at those moments. "
...and you should. I'm going to go against most of the people who have commented here and side with you. IMO, women NEED the man to be the strong one when emotions are touchy. There's nothing wrong with the man feeling emotion as well, but they can be displayed in a manly way, such as focussing on the positive of the situation at hand.
A man who acts like a woman will get no respect from women. Unfortunately, today's society is becoming filled with wimpy, feminine men who "aren't afraid to display their emotions." It's sick, it's sad, and women are forced to emasculate themselves to make up for it.