When I was a teen, I aspired to be an elder. From my pre-teens until I was 18, I was in every circuit assembly and district convention----having either Ministry School talks or parts or experiences. At 20, I conducted a bookstudy in the afternoon, also regular pioneered, was the Theocratic Ministry School Overseer in the 2nd school and regularly taught the main school. I was the auditor for the accounts. I was in charge of the attendants. That was all in the first week of being appointed. I was "groomed" to be an elder so that by the time I was 24, I had already sat on judicial committees while a MS. I had every position in the Hall except accounts and Service Overseer. By 27, I was the PO.
Here I was counseling youngsters, old married couples, elderly ones, weak ones and those with unbelievers in their households. I was telling parents how to reach their children when I just had a little child myself. I was counseling mates that had been married for decades as to how they should apply Bible principles with their own families, yet I had almost no experience in life!!! I was telling persons that were ill----emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally---that they HAD to do more!
I sat on so many judicial committees that I am ashamed. As a body of elders, we were a very conservative group. If the Watchtower or Circuit Overseer told us to be cautious about believing the sincerity of a "sinner", we would rather disfellowship and keep "uncleanness" out of the congregation than take a chance of having "leaven" ferment the faithful. We were quite proud that our numbers for pioneers were the highest in the circuit. We didn't emphasize Bethel service as we wanted to keep those that we trained right in our own Hall so that we could get the help we needed as we were usually only 3 or 4 elders on the body.
We all thought we were quite "special". And let's face it---being in your early 20s and having all this authority goes to your head! .........As the years went by and I left my home congregation to go to another (under duress), I started to see how unkind I was. I realized that even though I genuinely believed that I was doing everything "by the book", I was not that good an elder after all. I felt hurt that others might view me as "harsh" as I truly believed that I was pleasing Jehovah God and ultimately, I'd be blessed.
After a few years being a MS and then an elder again in the new Hall, I was appointed as Secretary, a position I kept until I resigned as an elder, years later. During the time I was an elder there, I was considered the most approachable in the congregation. I was regularly asked to marry couples and give funeral talks for the bereaved. I was back giving talks at the assemblies and I was one of the most requested speakers in the circuit. But this time around, I was looking at things in a different way. I clandestinely read Ray Franz' books and started to realize how the Organization really worked. I realized that historically, it was always wrong! I saw that as a group, we were NOT encouraged to be loving......Eventually I knew I had to get out and fade.........And I did!