HELP! Trying to convince my parents I am going to meetings! (page 3)

evita

This brings up a lot of painful memories for me. I was your age when I moved to a nearby town and attempted to fade. My mom and the elders knew something was up but I avoided and hid for as long as I could. Meanwhile I was doing everything a normal, healthy 23 yr. old would do.
I could not avoid being seen by other witnesses and soon rumors got back to my old congregation and my mother. We had many angry phone conversations and I finally told her I would never return to the "truth".
I avoided being disfellowshipped but my mom didn't speak to me for 10 years.
I do think honesty is the best policy but I understand Stillas fears. It is terrible to be cut off from the ones you love. Even though I made a good life for myself I don't know if I will ever "get over" losing my mother to this religion.
In retrospect, I wish I had done things differently. I would have approached my mother with maturity, love, and respect. Instead I was fearful, angry, and bitter. But I didn't know how to do that and I didn't have this board with all of its wisdom and perspective.
Listen to all of the good advice here. Many have been in your shoes or similar.
I wish you the best.
Eva

HappyDad

Please know that my comment.......MY OPINION..........is not meant to demean you or insult you...................

But anyone who is living a LIE or a DOUBLE LIFE......trying to deceive someone........will eventually be exposed.

How long do you think your parents will be happy with your little "snips" of your life?

Your parents are not stupid......and neither are you. You are in a difficult position and the way you are working this position will only lead to unhappiness on the part of your parents and yourself. You have made the break and are now living in new territory. But making such a move brings new responsibilities with it. Life is full of decissions......some we are eager to make.......some we dance around hoping that they will resolve themselves.

If you keep the LIE going, don't expect anything good to come from it.

I can only wish ........and do wish you the best for a happy life. But you will realize one day that you have major choices to make concerning your entire life.......not just choices that concern the moment. Get used to the fact that your boyfriend will probably one day leave you and make you unhappy. Then you will want the love and compassion of the parents you have deceived and lied to. From your previous posts....it seems that your parents are very loving. But it is you who wants out of this crazy religion........and that posed the greatest problem of all.

Please don't burn any bridges with your parents. Look beyond the present. Think a few years into the future. Your parents may never understand, but if you really love them, then make some compromises. If they really believe the dub doctrine, they will never change.

Take this advice from a parent who lived through all that I wrote above but was able to brake free from this cult and now loves my own daughter for what she really wanted in life.

I'm one of the lucky ones. For your sake.........I hope your parents can get lucky too!

Love you Stilla..........

HappyDad

stillAwitness

Thanks for all the advice (minus minimus) I havent' decided what exactly will be my decision but I have taken everyone's opinion to heart.

AuldSoul

stillAwitness,

Just two pfennings from a near neighbor (of sorts), if you are planning in advance to attempt to deceive people, and you announce that is your intention to a group of people who have mostly had their fill of intentional deceits, and then you ask these people to help you figure out how to deceive is likely to result in recommendations to be honest.

I don't understand why you need advice on how to be dishonest. It is easy. Whether you like it or not you are now an adult (and have been for a while now). If you want to lie to them, lie to them. For better or worse as an adult you now choose the course your life and spirit will take. If you want them to believe you, study for the meetings and make up little anecdotal things that "happened" at the meeting—perhaps funny things or odd comments that you have a question about, etc. Tell them you have been invited out in service a couple of times but just haven't really been all that motivated to go just yet. Cite depression or stress, listen patiently and respectfully to the counsel you know you will get.

The city you live in is a BIG one and will provide a great deal of anonimity for some time to come barring an unexpected casual run-in with or sighting by former friends. You can get away with it fairly easily for a while, but ... I don't believe you are sparing yourself any stress by living in anxious expectation of the inevitable becoming reality.

They will eventually know. They will feel horribly betrayed and understandably justified in rejecting you and the person you have chosen to be (a deceiver, a pretender). They will not have mixed feelings about it. I can't imagine you don't know that already. Personally, I believe your focus on your current stress and on avoiding the expected outcomes of your choices is a fairly selfish perspective. You are welcome to choose that perspective for yourself. I doubt it will lead to self-respect for you and I doubt it will earn very much respect from others for you.

Okay, it was more like two-hundred pfennings. But I am a verbose person, and I am just being true to myself ... warts and all.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

liquidsky

Blondie Said :

"Aren't you worried what your mother will say when she finds out you are "living with" your boyfriend?"

StillA Said:

I neverthought about that Blondie.

Are you kidding me???? You've never, ever, thought about what mommy and daddy might say if you moved in your boyfreind??? You're delusional.

I don't understand why you even come here asking for advice.

mrsjones5

I'm really not trying to be mean when I say this but I look at it as a sign of immaturity, she'll grow out of it...hopefully.

jgnat

So the alternative to telling the truth (which you've already decided you won't do) is to tell a REALLY REALLY AMAZINGLY GOOD lie that will keep your parents in the dark for the rest of their lives.

There's no such thing as a perfect lie.

Sure, procrastinate as long as you like. The consequences will build like a mountain in your soul, eating at your integrity and making you feel like crap. When it all comes cascading down, you will finally be released from your self-made bonds.

But, hey, we're just old people with twenty year's experience on you. We've been where you are, and we just want to spare you a little pain. But why should life be that easy? Go ahead and learn the hard way. You'll survive either way, anyhow.

My Christmas wish for you is when YOU are long in the tooth, that a young woman will come to YOU for advice. And that you will give her the best that is in your soul to give. Pray that she takes it.

bikerchic

Read her comments from day one. She's not legit. (Undercover, you're funny!).

minimus for once (okay twice) I totally agree with you Undercover is funny!

Virgochik

Who IS this guy?

sass_my_frass

Your parents will one day find out you're living with your boyfriend; that's just the way life goes. It is within your power to control what kind of experience that is for you and them. The longer you deceive them now, the longer it will take for them to forgive you.

HELP! Trying to convince my parents I am going to meetings!

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