by stillAwitness 106 Replies latest jw friends
I"m so thankful that there are mature people here who can write down on this board what is so hard for me to do so. I'm not an eloqent writer like Auld and Toe. I just can't seem to get my thoughts out like they can. Thank you.
Ditto on your last post Toe.
Josie
ok, so we lie so we can get money and have an easier life? now i get it,,,
StillA,
I cannot critisize you or your friend for not being honest with your parents. That would make me a hypocrite, because I hid the fact that I was dating a wordly guy from my parents for 2 years. The difference is I was PREPARED to face the consequences of my actions. I knew that eventually I would get caught, I would be disfellowshipped, and that I could very well lose my family. You know what? I paid my own way through college while working 2 jobs, and I bought car (total piece of crap). I saved every bit of monet I had. I did not expect my parents to support me in any way at all.... especially since I was lying to them. And yes eventually the sh*t hit that fan as I expected.
You keep coming here and asking for advice, then you chose to ignore it, and then a month later you come back crying about the consequences, as if you didn't know what was going to happen.
I applaud you for finally getting out on your own, finding a job and going to college, but please... start holding yourself accountable for the decisions you make and be prepared to suffer the consequences.Your a big girl now.
LittleToe: I honestly don't think she's analysing this from the level of how much respect she is according to other posters. To be honest, very few people I've met really think that way, I certainly know that I don't. That being the case I would have to suggest that you may be projecting your opinion and standards onto her. I concede that I could be entirely wrong, but I offer that for your consideration.
I am projecting my opinion and standards into my advice to her and into my posts on this thread because my opinions and standards disagree sharply with hers.
She is of the incorrect opinion that I have been out of JWs a long time (tomorrow makes one year for me). She is of the incorrect opinion that I don't remember what it was like. My wife is still a JW, I live with her every day of my life. How could I possibly forget?
Permit me a brief hypothetical: What would it say about my opinion of you if I asked for your help settling a difference with someone by killing them, and asked your advice on how best to do it? What if I stipulated that I didn't want to hear anything about settling differences in any other way?
Hyperbole has a place in reasoning.
If young adults don't think about the fact that asking for help with being dishonest could make the people they are asking feel they are perceived as dishonest perhaps they should learn to do so. I can't imagine such a request going over very well in a business meeting.
I was not using hyperbole when I said that every request she has made of the forum has involved a form of deception.
I was also not exaggerating the impacts to unregistered lurkers of such a thread popping up in a public area like "Friends" instead of a private support area, such as "Private Discussion and Support".
Oddly, stillAwitness has accused phantom posters of hypocritically posting on this thread. What she must be oblivious of is that hypocrisy means advising others to do something one would not do themselves. She further accuses these same people of holding her to the standards they employed in their own situation (which means they weren't hypocrites after all).
Speaking of hyperbole: How would anything in this thread make someone believe any of us have said that dishonesty is the worst thing someone could do or that they should be burned (even scorched) as a result? Yet that is stillAwitness' take on it. She also consistently expresses a belief that the 20-somethings who leave have a harder time than others, as ridiculous as that notion is. Age is not any kind of determinant of difficulty when it comes to leaving a cult.
I am not projecting my standards onto stillAwitness. I am advising her according to my standards and preventing her from publicly denigrating the standards of myself and many friends of mine who post here. Should I do otherwise? If so, why?
Respectfully,
AuldSoul
Hi Stilla I didn't get to read every single post on this thread but based on the few I did glance over I can see there is some debate going about whether or not to tell your parents about the meetings. Let me just say to you that parents in particular need to be told what they want to hear. Honesty is simply NOT the best policy when it comes to parents and/or other family members. Do what you have to do to get by. That's how the real world works anyhow. Take your publisher card and hold onto it or forward to a far away congregation, get them off your back. Being straightforward and blunt doesn't always work out in your favor. If I had to do it all over again, I would do what my brother did. He was a smooth operator and had my mom convinced that yes, he went to all the meetings and field service and whatnot while 800 miles away in college. Anyone with eyes on their face could tell otherwise, but because my mom NEEDED to hear that, it's what he told her day after day. Meanwhile I told my mother upfront that I wanted nothing to do with JWs anymore and it's been hell ever since. My brother BLATANTLY does things in front of mother but because he shows up for the occasional meeting on Sunday all is good.
How old are you?...OUTLAW
in sept 06 she was 22
It's simple; cultist parents are (wait for it) in a cult.
This means we are the adults in the relationship even if we aren't adults (yet) or are but don't act like we do.
Adults lie to children for good reason at times.
It is inevitable that a child of cultists who wants to get out of the cult will have to lie to their parents at time, for a good reason.
Anyone who has avoided doing this either has done extremely well and been fortunate (and should be glad they don't have to walk a mile in anyone elses shoes), or has no parents.
Anyone who has done it is in any case simply doing what most kids do to their parents at various points; I don't think I dated a single girl at University who was honest with their parents about smoking.
I think no matter what one might think about the veracity or otherwise of an individual (and hell is there some projection going on, I'm a skeptic little $ucker and I just don't see what some others do) one should be realistic about what standards one expects them to comply to, especially if we can't say we have always followed out own advice.
So, any one who hasn't lied to their parents, carry on criticising. Me, I'll just shut up and figure out if I will tell the truth about having a Christmas tree if asked by my parents...
I love telling my parents the truth, it really pisses them off.
Josie ~ gazing at her beautiful lit christmas tree
AS:
What would it say about my opinion of you if I asked for your help settling a difference with someone by killing them, and asked your advice on how best to do it? What if I stipulated that I didn't want to hear anything about settling differences in any other way?
If you catch me on a good day I might reply: "They say that drowning is the least painful way to go although if you really want the satisfaction of getting your hands dirty, up close and personal, then garotting is probably the best option. But all that having been said, they say that nothing is as satisfying as a .45"
Satire, hyperbole and other literary devices aside, and with respect, I don't think you are looking at this situation from her perspective...
