How many 'real" friends did you ever really have in ther "truth'

by The Lone Ranger 87 Replies latest jw friends

  • diamondblue1974
    I don't think any of my friends would stand by me if I turned out to be a paedophile. (but some JWs might!)

    The fact that Jehovahs Witnesses would stand by you suggests that they are ultimately your only source of true friends


  • diamondblue1974
    Then one day my best friends dad went out and committed adultery, his actions spilt the family up and they were all in pieces. The dad got DF'd and the family went to hell. I stuck my nose in found out where John was living and went to have a man to man chat with him to try to patch things up between him and his wife.

    This is typical...its exactly when a friend takes some questionable directions that a friendship comes into its own; any decent friend wouldve done what you have done and yet this was condemned - speaks volumes!


  • undercover

    I see a lot of the people I was friends from the hall in a different light now that I'm out. Though they are still JWs, many of them are not strong in the truth, or even regular. I was more "spiritual" than they were back when I was still in, at least to the casual observer.

    Now, I've come to the realization that the religion is all bunk and I have left, but most of my friends that I grew up with are still there, in some form or another. A few are MSs, fewer still are elders, no pioneers that I know of. Service hours for most are below average.

    I don't see them as "weak" anymore. I see them as victims. Victims of oppression and suppression. They've been indoctrinated to act and think certain ways by the WTS. Being raised in the "truth", they have been trained to act the way they do. They really don't know what it means to have "real" friends, or be a "real" friend. They've spent a life of being loved conditionally and being trained how to love conditionally. They're a product of their upbringing.

    While I'm lucky that several "friends" from before have remained "friends" to some degree, I try hard to not get angry or harbor resentment against those who do shun me or murmer about me behind my back. They know not what they do, to borrow a well-known phrase.

  • caligirl

    A big fat ZERO. Which is pretty sad, but typical.

  • twinflame

    I had one. We and our husbands were inseperable friends until we moved out of state. They stopped going to meetings a couple years after we left. I remember being so sad. We gradually drifted apart over the years because of distance but she was a true friend in every way. I saw her at my Mom's funeral a few years back and it was as if we'd never been out of contact. I'm sure everyone else I considered friends over the years would have nothing to do with me now that I've 'fallen away'.

  • Dagney

    This is an interesting question I have thought about for the last five years. Knowing when I stepped away that I would probably lose all the association I ever knew, it's a question I still think about.

    It was heartbreaking to realize that after being in a congregation for the last 22 years, that most of who I thought were friends were really acquaintances...but that's the truth. If you are not warming the KH seat, you are nothing. I had best friends, closer than family, and in my wildest imagination, I NEVER would have thought we would be apart...but they are elders and well connected...and it wouldn't do to have me as an association. Then I have one other couple that are active, and who are convinced I have not gone off to work in a brothel or worship the devil, who treat me no different. BUT, I realize, if the society comes down on inactive ones, they may be faced with a decision. And frankly, although sad, I understand...if you give your thinking over to the is to be accepted.

    So..."real" friends IMO in the org are totally conditional. They probably were very real friends when you were together...but the playing field has relationships change.

    One thing I do know for sure is you can find equally as real friendship everywhere...and people who care...and look to find a kind thing to do for their fellow human being. I feel that is not the case in the org. This is a lesson I have gladly learned.

  • lesterd

    My real friends are all now out of the WT, elders and ms's, they stood beside me in my worst moments, and by them, some left before some after, friends till death. Not any inside did that.

  • mattman

    I have two but we are all out now. My best friend left right after high school and we are still best friends. I couldn't imagine severing our friendship simply because he chose not to be a Witness. Another friend of mine left not long after me and we stay in touch. When I left, it became obvious that the other person I considered a "best friend" growing up would not do the same for me. We got together less and less and he always steered the conversation toward "when are you coming back?"

    The worst part about those conversations is how they give you that look of pity and sorrow and treat you like although you dedicated your life to being a Witness, you must have forgotten everything. So they repeat it for you as if you are somehow unaware of their tactics. It's amazing what fear will make people do.

  • wonderwoman

    I found my only true friends when I left the Org. They trust me/I trust them. They keep my secrets. They've got my back and I've got theirs. They love me unconditionally. I couldn't live without them.

  • Sailor Ripley
    Sailor Ripley

    I don't think that the Dubs teach you to be a friend or to befriend. I learned only to distrust anyone and anything.

    I tried to go back and be friendly even to some of my cousins. They see me as dead, which is interesting as I see them as complete crack-pots.

    It's weird, since they really aren't planning for anything, on this earth/system, they don't seem to get wound up about the stuff that non-dubs do. Non-dub "Hey, little Timmy is going to Kindergarten!" Dub,"Yeah, so. He's still going to die @ Armageddon."

    Yuck! I'll just have no friends at all if that's how I have to feel.

    p.s. I didn't like most of the people at my congo as they all seemed to enjoy crappy jobs without advancement opportunities. Who cares about advancement when you'll be in Paradise tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, ad nauseum.

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