A bit reluctant

by saki2fifty 148 Replies latest jw friends

  • saki2fifty

    I'm a bit reluctant in writing this post, for I dont feel I should be here. Even a bit nervous...

    I've never officially dedicated myself to Jehovah, but I was brought up in the truth, very strong, and at times when getting older, there were lulls in my attendance... yet to this day I still attend. I'm now married, 35 years old, and have 3 wonderful kids. I still have a great love for the organization. My wife however is baptized and guess the reason that I haven't dedicated myself is due to the fact that I'm just not a people person... not very open, borderline shy. I do know that being open, being able to speak with others and sharing in the ministry that this is a prerequisite, but I do my best in asserting myself. I know that by coming to this board it is assumed that I now have questions regarding the organization, which I do, but after stumbling on this forum, I have more questions for you all than I do for myself. When growing up as a kid, which im sure each and every one of you can attest to (or most of you), I remember my parents taking me and my brothers and sisters to the meetings and I remember the security, joy and true happiness I had when going. I may not have understood everything at the time, but Jehovah's organization was built into us (which will be likened to robots im sure by you all). I would not have traded my childhood in for anything. As a teenager my very, very close brother developed a brain tumor and died... wasn't baptized but strong in the truth... he was 19, and I was 18. My Dad was critized by the elders for not doing his utmost in ensuring a spiritual foundation for his kids by way of baptism, and feel that contributed to my families downfall. For years after his death, we missed a lot, then it picked back up and doing great. I guess it was eating at my Dad as how the elders treated him, for he just recently turned Lutheran, which my heart still aches over, now my younger brother has left the truth and doesn't want anything to do with it, 3 of my sisters are gone, and my last remaining sister still attends. My Dad is a frequent visitor of SilentLambs and is pretty much an ex-jw... matter of fact, he is an ex-jw... and has developed a Hatred for the organization. There's more to the story, but he basically feels opposition to the truth because of how Elders treat their flock. I still go with my family, my wife and kids, and to me, which im sure all of you will disagree, make fun of, insult or whatever... but to me, there is no greater feeling. My kids love going, enjoy it tremendously and show pure love... a pure and true love of Jehovah himself that each of you criticize and will continue to criticize. Now I know you need to look deeper into the teachings, which I have and fully aware of the topics up for debate, but overall, when you look at the organization itself, are they really the deceitful, lying and cheating body that you all make it out to be?

    I do have issues with certain things, but for me, the good outweighs the bad. For the most part, and I would say upwards of 90% of what is taught and excercised is good.... is good spiritually, good for bonding families, good molding morals, and good at doing what is most important... strengthening your relationship with God. Have you all had betters lives now that you have left? I just dont understand why so many ex-jw's visit sites like these and congregate when the organization is so despised by you all. Nothing but negativity.

    I'm sorry if I appear to be ignorant on some of the matters that each of you take seriously. I guess most of my life and been centered around JW's, and that love that I had as a kid has not faded.

    Cant pinpoint it, but my heart aches now that I've started reading posts that are against what I hold close ... even saddened. The day that I turn away, which im sure will surely happen now that I've started process by visiting this site... will be the day I've given up life itself.

    (writing this from work, so im sure a lot of typo's)

    You all have a great day.

  • tall penguin
    tall penguin

    Welcome saki2fifty. It's great to have you here.
    Each of us on this board is here for different reasons. Personally, I'm here to connect with others with a similar background to my own, much like you congregate with jw's for the common ground you share with them. There's a certain need for community that we all have and it is provided in different ways at different points in our lives. If you should choose to find that community at your local Kingdom Hall that is entirely your choice.
    I disassociated almost a year ago now. I am happy with my decision. I am now enjoying a happier existence. My health has improved dramatically and I feel a deeper sense of contentment than I ever did as a jw. I also feel freed from the limiting concept of god as portrayed by the wts and the bible itself. This freedom has expanded my awareness and appreciation for life in a way I could never have imagined while a jw.
    We all must make choices in this life and live with the consequences. I uphold your free will as I uphold my own. May the choices you make bring peace to you and your family.
    tall penguin

  • ozziepost

    Welcome aboard saki.

    Greetings all the way from downunder!

    We're sure glad to see you posting and no, I don't feel you will be criticised for your support of your wife; truth is, many(most?) posting here have family in the "Organisation™" and know all too well the anguish, the turmoil, and what have you that is the lot of those who have been hurt by the WTS.

    And that is what you'll find here - thousands of people out of the hundreds of thousands who've come to see the falsehood of the WT's claims that it alone speaks for God.

    There's much for you to learnn and you'll find some helpful information at times on JWD and certainly you'll get support.

    There are other resources you could use to learn the truth about "the Troof". Try reading "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom". Those books will change you.

    Also visit this site: htttp://www.freeminds.org/

    Well worth marking in your favorites. Loads of experiences.

    Anyways, make yourself at home. Let us know how you're getting along.

    Cheers, Ozzie

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Hi saki2fifty, and welcome to the board.

    You are right in your observation that the majority of posters have no love for the wts, but that doed not mean that you will be personally attacked for holding a differrent point of view. We left that sort of negativity behind us when we left the org.

    This is a wonderful place to come to if you want to learn, I hope you enjoy the experience.

  • jrjr4189

    I agree that everyone is here for different reasons. We all have at least one thing in common. We have questions we want answers to. Whether its Doctrinal, or personal we are looking to others for support. You will find support here.

  • unique1

    First let me say that we are not all bitter on here. I believe to each his own. God is judge, not me. He created us free moral agents and if you choose to be a JW, then that is fine by me, that is your choice. All I ask is that when the time comes, you allow your children that same choice.

    Not everything the JW's teach is bad. We have even had several threads on the good side of the JW lifestyle. I was glad to have morals growing up. I never did drugs, smoked, and was a virgin when I got married. I appreciate those things. What I didn't appreciate was not being able to hang with my friends at school, not being given the OPTION of college, not being allowed to play sports (practice was sometimes on meeting nights) and so on.

    ARE the JW's really that bad? Well lets see if you joined before 1965 (somewhere in there), it would have been against your religion to get vaccinations. When they changed that in the SMALLEST paragraph ever in 65 would you have left if your child had small pox or polio due to the non vaccination rule that was obviously not God inspired? That is up to you. Transplants were considered cannibalism for years until that changed about 20 years ago. If your child needed a transplant and being a good witness, you didn't allow it and they died, how would you feel when the Organization said it was a conscience matter the next year? Was that one of Gods laws? No. If you had allowed a transplant you would have been disfellowshipped. Do you think they would have called you later when it was suddenly a conscience matter and said our bad, you are reinstated? I personally cannot follow an organization blindly that has been wrong so many times. Whether or not you think that is "BAD" enough to leave is up to you.

  • elliej

    Welcome saki-

    Many people who belong to other religions have exactly the same experiences as you. They feel surrounded by love, they had ideal childhoods, they are taught to lead clean, moral lives. Does that mean they have the truth? Or would you feel compelled in your ministry to help them leave all of that because it is actually false religion (according to the Society)? Don't you think that it is important for people to know the whole story about where their belief system originated and what its leaders have said and done in the past? Maybe it wouldn't matter to you, but it matters to some of us.

    I don't come here to be bitter (although sometimes I certainly am), I come to learn. To hear about others experiences. It helps me know that I am not alone. I believed in the WTS and truly thought I would be killed by God at Armageddon because I had doubts about certain things. I did not experience the love in the Congregation that some people like to talk about. Since I left I have never been happier. And I can tell you, the truth really does set you free.

  • unique1

    Forgot: YES I AM HAPPY!!! I feel as if a huge rock has been lifted from my chest since nullifying my baptism.

  • Fe2O3Girl

    Hello saki2fifty. Welcome to JWD.

    Firstly, let me say how sorry I am that you lost your brother. I am sure you still miss him and think of him.

    I was raised a JW from birth, and I do have some happy memories of the sense of belonging and community. When I was little, my family attended a small rural congregation, which I am sure was a factor in the "family" atmosphere.

    My parents are still JWs, and I am fortunate that they don't shun me. I hope very much that you don't shun your family. I don't hate JWs, but I do think they are misled and exploited.

    overall, when you look at the organization itself, are they really the deceitful, lying and cheating body that you all make it out to be?

    Yes, I am sure that it is. I really don't know whether the top hierarchy (writing committee, GB) really believe that they are God's organisation, but I am sure that they are deliberately misleading millions of JWs.

    Some people here are very bitter towards the Watchtower and JW leaders. If you have lost children to the blood doctrine, been sexually abused and let down by the congregation, or had your family ripped apart by JWs, what are they supposed to feel? Just because those things didn't happen to me doesn't make them any less real or horrifying.

    I am not sure why you think your life will be over if you find the truth about the Watchtower. They are not God.

    All the best on your journey -


  • done4good

    Wecome, Saki2Fifty,

    In all honesty, if you spend some time here you will see a lot more honesty than negativity. Even though I had serious concerns about the organization for many years, I could never bring myself to consider what would be considered "apostate" material. A year ago, I can assure you, I would not have been here. What brought me here was circumstances in my life finally forced me to take a cold hard look at things. I had no choice, the choice was made for me, if I was going to be honest with myself. A painful preocess that yields rewards if you are patient.

    Please, before you assume that everyone here is just ranting about the organization, take some time to do some research. I recently had my eyes opened, and am a much better, (and happier), person for it. No, it was not easy, and yes, I can point to many things about the organization that I miss. So could people from MANY religious backgrounds, as regard thier church. But continuing to base my entire life on falsehood had to stop. I ended up making some very bad life decisions because of that structure, and eventually I began to recognize the source. Even more so, it's just plain dishonest, and I could not live with that.

    Take Care,


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