I'm a bit reluctant in writing this post, for I dont feel I should be here. Even a bit nervous...
I've never officially dedicated myself to Jehovah, but I was brought up in the truth, very strong, and at times when getting older, there were lulls in my attendance... yet to this day I still attend. I'm now married, 35 years old, and have 3 wonderful kids. I still have a great love for the organization. My wife however is baptized and guess the reason that I haven't dedicated myself is due to the fact that I'm just not a people person... not very open, borderline shy. I do know that being open, being able to speak with others and sharing in the ministry that this is a prerequisite, but I do my best in asserting myself. I know that by coming to this board it is assumed that I now have questions regarding the organization, which I do, but after stumbling on this forum, I have more questions for you all than I do for myself. When growing up as a kid, which im sure each and every one of you can attest to (or most of you), I remember my parents taking me and my brothers and sisters to the meetings and I remember the security, joy and true happiness I had when going. I may not have understood everything at the time, but Jehovah's organization was built into us (which will be likened to robots im sure by you all). I would not have traded my childhood in for anything. As a teenager my very, very close brother developed a brain tumor and died... wasn't baptized but strong in the truth... he was 19, and I was 18. My Dad was critized by the elders for not doing his utmost in ensuring a spiritual foundation for his kids by way of baptism, and feel that contributed to my families downfall. For years after his death, we missed a lot, then it picked back up and doing great. I guess it was eating at my Dad as how the elders treated him, for he just recently turned Lutheran, which my heart still aches over, now my younger brother has left the truth and doesn't want anything to do with it, 3 of my sisters are gone, and my last remaining sister still attends. My Dad is a frequent visitor of SilentLambs and is pretty much an ex-jw... matter of fact, he is an ex-jw... and has developed a Hatred for the organization. There's more to the story, but he basically feels opposition to the truth because of how Elders treat their flock. I still go with my family, my wife and kids, and to me, which im sure all of you will disagree, make fun of, insult or whatever... but to me, there is no greater feeling. My kids love going, enjoy it tremendously and show pure love... a pure and true love of Jehovah himself that each of you criticize and will continue to criticize. Now I know you need to look deeper into the teachings, which I have and fully aware of the topics up for debate, but overall, when you look at the organization itself, are they really the deceitful, lying and cheating body that you all make it out to be?
I do have issues with certain things, but for me, the good outweighs the bad. For the most part, and I would say upwards of 90% of what is taught and excercised is good.... is good spiritually, good for bonding families, good molding morals, and good at doing what is most important... strengthening your relationship with God. Have you all had betters lives now that you have left? I just dont understand why so many ex-jw's visit sites like these and congregate when the organization is so despised by you all. Nothing but negativity.
I'm sorry if I appear to be ignorant on some of the matters that each of you take seriously. I guess most of my life and been centered around JW's, and that love that I had as a kid has not faded.
Cant pinpoint it, but my heart aches now that I've started reading posts that are against what I hold close ... even saddened. The day that I turn away, which im sure will surely happen now that I've started process by visiting this site... will be the day I've given up life itself.
(writing this from work, so im sure a lot of typo's)
You all have a great day.