A bit reluctant

by saki2fifty 148 Replies latest jw friends

  • apfergus
    You're right, but have you found the truth? Not the truth about the truths of JW's, but after leaving, have you found the truth about God and his requirements itself?

    The "truth" is not something that you simply find written in plain black and white text in a book. Answers to questions like that don't come easy. I felt somewhat like you for years--I couldn't get baptized because I didn't think I could live up to God's standard. So my question for you is this: are you really as happy as you claim to be if you torture yourself as you appear to do about your inability to live up to God's requirements?

  • JamesThomas
    I'm afraid of losing Jehovah, such as everyone on this board did. I love God. I want to please him.

    Perhaps, If your god is so tiny that you can "lose" it, then it's not worth having.


  • BizzyBee


    Welcome and thank you for expressing your feelings with so much honesty. It must not have been easy, especially since you were apprehensive about our reception of your post. Happily, your courage and your respectful and sincere tone has earned you a like response. I hope you continue to visit and seek answers to your questions.

    I, too was raised in the organization, and was so terribly shy I could barely speak, but left when I was 23. I understand the dilemma of leaving a large family, and a way of life that was comfortable and felt secure. Why would anyone choose to do that? I believe there comes a point for all of us that the balance scale tips - and that staying in is more uncomfortable than leaving. It is different for each person, but it only has to be the difference of 49/51 percent to take that leap.

    And it is a leap to jump from so much certainty to so much uncertainty. The WTS is absolutely certain about everything that they teach. But are you? That is all that matters. I wonder what response you get from the brothers when you ask your questions about WT inconsistencies? I would imagine you are referred back to the literature - a circular path that is ultimately not very satisfying. Or are you afraid to ask questions of the brothers?

    Life is a beautiful gift. And your relationship with God is something no one can take away from you. Sadly, it is extremely common among JWs to get God and the WTS confused. They really are two very different things.


  • nsrn

    Dear Saki,

    Welcome! I really appreciate your sincere and thoughtful posts, and I can only imagine how torn you feel even being here.

    I too was raised 'in thetruth', never baptized, and had a very secure childhood. But do you realize that we were taught that only witness children enjoyed that love, and that other families therefore must have empty and unfulfilling lives? That is not true. I have found many wonderful Christian people whose children are loved unconditionally, who love and worship God without guilt or embarassment, and minister to others without knocking on a single door.

    You said that you were afraid of losing Jehovah, as all those here have done. But I don't think I lost him. I found him. Finally.

    Change is uncomfortable, but it's a process. Be patient with yourself. You might want to get in contact with some of your family members who are no longer witnesses. You all shared both the good and bad in your childhood, and you might need to hear them out as to why they left.

    I'm so glad you are praying for guidance. Keep it up. Just remember that the answer is often "wait".

    I know I was really turned off at first by the folks here who are really negative and angry, but one nice thing here is that we don't all agree; we don't have to. Lots of people here are 'in transition' and still trying to figure out just what they do believe.

    One thing that helped me initially was reading a 'neutral' translation of the Bible, (NIV), just the book of John at first. And re-reading it.

    Hang in there. It's great to meet you! Nancy

  • Carmel

    Welcome Saki!

    I left the organization over 45 years ago when it was against the teachings of the WBTS to have vaccinations. One of my older brothers died of complications of polio, which could have easily been prevented by Dr. Salk's vaccine. Twenty years ago, another older brother sexually molested his two beautiful daughters and was finally caught by the authorities. What did the society do? NADA! They knew he was guilty but councelled him not to work with the psychiatric councelling to deal with his malady. He was given the option to face disfellowshipping for getting counceling or go to prison for ten years. Sad to say the fear instilled in him caused him to sit in a cell for ten years, receive no help for his tendencies, only to find out when he was released from prison he was facing DFing for joining a tax avoidance group. How stupid is that?

    I have no "hatered" for the society. Anyone who is an adult that wants to stick his/her head in a hole and refuse to consider the facts, as JWs want all others to do when going door-to-door, deserves the end results....old age with no "end to this system of things". You are likely very much kept in line by the bait of "everlasting life on paradise earth" or the fear of loosing that.

    When the JWs and most of conservative Christianity gets its head out of the sand and realizes these depictions in the bible are not litteral there will be a fresh new wind blow through Christendom.

    And, no, you are not condemned to apostasy just for coming here and sharing. That will come only if you realize that you cannot countenance the hypocracy in the organization.

    I wish you well.


  • serendipity

    Welcome saki2!

  • Wordly Andre
    Wordly Andre


    Welcome, on this site you will find people from all over the world, who many have had such a negative experiance with the Org. I know myself may joke a lot when it comes to many of the topics here, but will never belittle anyones beliefs or stress that my opinion on God, religion is more right than yours, I think that is the freedom that many of us enjoy here.

    I was never baptized JW, but now I am baptized Catholic, and my family enjoy a wonderful fellowship with others in my parish, don't mistake that only JW's have a joyful, friendly, loving organization.

    Again welcome, and listen to a few stories from everyone with an open mind.

  • Thegoodgirl

    Hello, and welcome.

    One thing to remember is that all the joy, love, and bonding that you see in the hall? It also exists among "the world". Yes! It's true! I was so shocked to realize that when I stopped going to meetings. I really didn't think that true love and true motives existed in "the world." But lo and behold, "90%" of people truly love each other and want to make their family happy and to make the world a better place.

    That was one of the best things for me to realize. Then I stopped looking at people on earth as "worldly" and bad, but started realizing that the world is a lot safer than I thought, and the real thing I had to fear was not taking advantage of the years I had left on this beautiful earth.

    I'm so glad you've started to open your mind from what you've been taught by the JWs. And don't be saddened by your father's actions. Be happy, because maybe he feels some releif from his pain by exploring other ways to worship.

    And so sorry about your brother. I know siblings have some of the closest bonds.


  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty

    Dear Saki2fifty,


    I appreciate your nervousness in being on this site, and we appreciate your post. I was raised in the organization, and am married to a man who was also. He was a MS and I pioneered many times. While we we very active in all aspects of the organization, I had a question about 607 and how it related to 1914. So I began to look back on the begining of the teaching to see its orgin. There I was devistated to find that the very person that I had held so high in my heart and mind, Russell, was steeped into pyramidology as well as very close to the free masons. He used many symbols as seen on the early literature that are masonic symbols. When you do a little research on their back ground it is quite shocking. I began to discover many things I had no idea of, and I thought I was pretty knowledgable. Boy was I wrong. Many of the things discovered are no longer used, true. However you have to remember he was pulled out of false religion and was speaking and writing literature in Jehovahs name. Why would Jesus pull him out of false religion only to stear him into demonic things. Things that were held onto for many years. Now after a year and a half of intense research, I have come to the conclusion that there is a reason the Society is so very determined for ones not to do deep research into older teachings. Because my husband expressed concern to his mother about some of the early teachings and their orgins, she decided with her husband, to gossip and tell everyone our questions. It wasn't long and the friends began to look at us as if we were apostate. We simply had questions that we needed answers to. So that we could put all of it behind us. But as time went on the brothers got worse. Shunning and name calling as well as out and out lies began to circulate. Our hearts were broken. It was real clear, real fast that you cannot question the organization. For us that was a huge red flag. For if we had the "truth" like we always thought we had, it should be able to withstand any examination. Anyway....in your post you spoke of as a whole it is a good life, good morals, good people etc. I will have to agree. The rank and file as a whole, have no clue as to the organizations past as well as some of the things they are very active in right now. Really then, how are the witnesses any different then those in the rest of the world that claim to be Christian. If you think about it, most faithful Christians of the world have good morals, live happy lives, and are very faithful to God. They try to live their lives as best as they can and to imitate Christ Jesus example. You see the Society has over and over claimed to be a prophet. Yet when they speak in Jehovahs name and then later reverse thinking, they blame Jehovah saying he was revealing truth in his time. "The light gets brighter" is often used. Yet when some thing is taught as truth, it can never change the other direction. It will only get clearer, or "brighter" as to why it was a true teaching to begin with. What does all of this mean to you and I? Well, we have certain laws that the Society has laid out for JWs to stricktly abide by. If you don't you will be cast out. Example: Not long ago a organ transplant was considered canabalism. Now it is a conscience matter. Think of how many lost their loved ones because they remained firm to that policy. What of those who decided to go against such a policy and took the transplant with the punishment of disfellowshipping? Now that it is a conscience matter, does the congregation go back and reinstate such ones so that they can be back with their friends and family? NO, they don't..why? What of the blood issue? Not long ago it was a disfellowshipping offence to take any part of blood. Now fractions are ok. Why?? Why are they now ok? Was Jehovah wrong to begin with? Could he not get the law right the first time? You and I both know thats not true. Think again of all those who lost loved ones because of the fact that they needed a certain part of the blood that was against policy, but now that type of fraction is ok. What if it was one of your precious children, or your precious wife? The Bible says Jehovah does not change. So... obviously, he did not make those policys. They were made from imperfect men. However, they were making these laws in the name of Jehovah himself. Disobeying them would come at a heavy price. All for what? Policys that changed,and very well may change again? Something is terribly wrong with the whole picture. They would be far better off to say these things are a conscience matter all together. There are many other examples where there were policys on different things and the Society actually switched back and forth numerous times. Peoples lives are at stake. You can live a pretty wholesome life in the organization without too many problems as long as you do what you are told and don't ask questions. Or rather don't question the answers. But one day you may be faced with making a decision to save your loved ones life or let them die. I pray to Jehovah if you don't do anything else, PLEASE think about the examples I have posed here.

    Anyway, we are very glad to have you here. And remember, we owe it to Jehovah to keep checking and keep making sure of all things. A thorough examination of our faith should only prove to be faith strengthening.


    Lady Liberty

  • Quandry

    Welcome to the forum.

    I am not df'd or da'd. I would say that my name explains. I was a faithful WT along with my family. We did everything for the WT. Made sure to listen for announcements for cleaning, pulled weeds, etc., no job too lowly. Faithful in field service, meetings, never faltered. Then my teen straight A faithful daughter made a mistake.

    We told her the elders would help her, having love for her and her best interests at heart. Instead, they ignored the teen actions she was involved in, humiliating and berating her unmercifully.

    For hours the JC tried to make her confess to fornication, even though she was not accused of it. She was called a liar in the end. She was made to read the scripture in Rev. that said that she was filth in God's eyes, and would burn in the lake of fire with the devil and his angels. She was disfellowshipped, although they never explained why it was necessary nor gave any cousel.

    We were blindsided. My daughter was so despondent she did not want to live. Can you imagine sitting up night after night while your child tells you they do not want to live? Can you picture yourself telling her over and over that Jesus died for her and that he and Jehovah love her although these men made her feel like a piece of garbage?

    I would never in my life have imagined this could happen. These types of true experiences are what has so hurt your dad.

    I figured if this happened to my family it could have happened to others. I typed the words into my computer-Jehovah's Witnesses and abuse, and the floodgates opened.

    Yes, I am still in the state of shock and dismay by the things I have found out. I wanted to die. But time helps . I think now that I will live. Believe it or not, many people, wordly of course, somehow seemed to "step up to the plate" to help us without knowing it.

    Yes, finding out about the UN, 1914 change, and other things hurt deeply, but I have always wanted to be told the truth, even if it hurts.

    May you have blessings and peace.

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