Well I've had my mom break things on me which would either hurt like hell or not hurt at all and dad used his belt but yeah I had a lot of abuse on both the physical and psychological ends of the spectrum but lucky I was smart enough to not be fooled most of the time. My mom got so bad a couple times to where my dad pulled her off and flipped out on her. Ironic how things seem to be now as compared to what they once were. I even wrote a book about it. I stopped asking a while ago about some things. Mom went through things as a kid too so I guess I had it taken out on me too. I guess it gets frustraiting when you can't warp your own kid's mind. Sometimes I felt like the parent or had at least one person to contradict my mom in front of me or take my side usually.
New Here Sorta
Welcome. It is good you are talking to your mother and I hope you sort through your memories and find out who you are, I'm 36 and still looking, though I am just newly freed so have been hindered up to now.
My parents won't talk to me since the d/f but even before as I started having doubts it got harder and harder. Everything important in my life was offensive to them, and everything they cared about was meaningless to me.
Hi Joli, congratualtions on your incredible journey. Good to meet you.
It usually works out that way too doesn't it? A person's life is offensive to another because of beliefs and their religion is offensive to the other person. Um, Are there any psychonauts here in this forum?
I might be classified as a psychonaut... depends on your definition...
welcome Jolinar, to the wonderful world of free minds (and herbs sans guilt - isn't that right Mike?)
re: "does anyone find it hard to talk with their mom if they are a JW and you are a former?"
ooh ooh, me (raising hand à la Horshack).
she gets so upset with my "innocent" questions, and yet she cannot refute them.
stick around. as most others have mentioned during this thread, there are great people and great stories. it certainly has helped a novice ex-jw like moi.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
- This article is about psychonauts and related practices; for other uses, see Psychonaut (disambiguation).
A psychonaut (literally, a sailor of the psyche) is a person who uses trance technologies from any of the world's religions, modern psychology, and other assorted paradigms, to explore the psyche, their own consciousness, and potentially improve real performance of certain psychological tasks. The term is often associated with the use of hallucinogens or entheogens as guides, or means, to achieve inward spiritual experiences. This is quite distinct from religious use, or social and leisure use of drugs, although invariably these overlap.
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Use of the term
Psychonaut is a modern term, used to describe one who uses trance technologies, and sometimes, more specifically, mind-altering substances more with a view to their ability to act as entheogens, than for their inebriating (or social) effect. In effect, they are used as a means to achieve states of mind in which different perceptions unhindered by everyday mental filters and processes can arise. As such, psychonauts believe that when used with this intent, their effects, can be life altering, and are not considered by their proponents to be mere hallucinations. An alternate description is that while some aspects of the experience may be hallucinatory, the realizations caused by those hallucinations, and the mental, emotional and long term impact of the experience, is real, usually positive, and enduring.
The term is often associated with neoshamanic practices; however, many distinguish between the mental exploration of the psychonaut and authentic, healing-oriented shamanic practice. Some prominent, self-proclaimed psychonauts such as Zoe7 are somewhat controversial figures within the psychedelic scene, often accused of cultural appropriation and a disregard for the methods and purposes of traditional shamanic uses of psychedelics and other trance technologies. 
Associated concepts, technologies, and practices
Psychonautics can be considered an attempt to generate a users manual for the human brain. Unlike its near cousin, psychology, which is concerned with understanding other people, psychonauts are more concerned with understanding themselves, and the process of self exploration; accordingly, they engage in direct exploration of themselves and their own thought processes.
As such, psychonauts seek to understand mental process and functioning and employ such knowledge in their activities. Key to this is auto-modification of brain wave frequenecies, which can lead to quite distinct perceptual states; a detailed examination and understanding of one's own thought processes, habits, and beliefs is also sought. Hallucinatory states, drug-induced or otherwise, are seen as a form of subliminal symbolism or as a real but distinct reality; as with other processes of the mind, psychonauts seek to understand these. Psychological theories and concepts are also often taken into account, particularly those of Carl G. Jung and Abraham Maslow.
This is also ideally practically applied in bettering one's self through the knowledge of one's own thought processes; with this understanding and heightened perception of one's own internal dialogue, it is thought that one is more able to control their own ego, and detach themselves from what is seen as a herd mentality common to modern culture. 
Mythical archetypes and concepts
Psychonauts commonly place much emphasis on various mythical archetypes and concepts, believing that these are useful to coming to understand one's own thought patterns and the nature of existence, reflecting realities and meanings that should be understood, rather than being irrelevant fantasy. As in shamanic practice, the Axis mundi is often employed, often overlayed with chakras and other relevant concepts of bodily function; the Kabbalist Tree of Life and its chakra-like sephirot is one notable example of this in mythology. The nature of karma is often explored in trying to understand one's own situation, actions, and relation to the outside world. 
Psychonauts are often interested in metaphysics, the branch of philosophy dealing with the ultimate nature of reality or existence; it is thought that in coming to some understanding of how the universe functions and the nature of existence, one would be better able to govern themselves accordingly and integrate their life experiences. 
Technologies and practices
The technology and practice most often associated with psychonauts is the use of psychedelic drugs for mental exploration. The method of use varies widely; such usage is often (but not always) entheogenic and informed by traditional shamanic uses of psychedelic drugs and rituals surrounding such usage.
Some hallucinogens commonly used by psychonauts include:edit]
As dreams are considered by psychonauts to be a window into thought processes, many keep dream journals in order to better remember dreams and further their understanding of their own symbolic internal dialogue. Many attempt to not only remember their dreams, but engage in lucid dreaming, in which one learns to directly control their dreams and hopefully gain more control over their own thought process and hallucinogenic experiences. Some go so far as to engage in lucid visualization, in which one enters a dream-like state while fully conscious. 
Ritual is often employed for purposes of grounding and centering one's self, to set one's focus and intentions, and to instill a conception of the significance and depth of psychonautical practice. Repeated use of ritual may also train the brain to associate certain activities and states of consciousness with specific situations, creating deeper experiences and allowing one to more easily enter altered states of consciousness. 
Other technologies and practices employed include:
- Sleep deprivation
- Sensory deprivation
- Dark-room retreats
- Brain wave entrainment (used to induce different brain wave frequencies and altered modes of perception)
- Glossolalia (used in an attempt to get beyond verbal/analytic thought)
- William S. Burroughs
- Peter Carroll
- Carlos Castaneda
- Ram Dass
- Albert Hofmann
- Aldous Huxley
- William James
- Jack Kerouac
- Ken Kesey
- Timothy Leary
- John Lilly
- Terence McKenna
- Alan Watts
- William White
As I read & re-read your story, I cannot help but notice certain commonalities (even if the family situations were different): that sense of rootlessness & alienation from the world around, of being a 'square peg in a world of round holes,' of being different & just not being able to put a finger on it. And certainly the JW indoctrination just makes things that much more difficult.
If you are ever interested in researching Asperger's/the autism spectrum, a couple of good sites include www.aspergers.com & www.aspergers.org. I am not normally a big fan of Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, but their treatment of this subject is actually quite good & they also reference a number of links & other resources that I have found helpful.
Hang in there, buddy. My heart goes out to you.
Just wanted to take a moment and clarify a little..
Though I experimented heavily with psychedelics back in the day... I reserve my experiences these days, with cannabis, but went through many transitions, including Trance/Techno(120+ bpm)music as a means of exploring the back of my mind also..
Even though I'm not a believer in daily zodiac, I do believe somehow that I am affected by the sign(Sagitarius) I was born under...