Elder Alert!!!!!

by flag 51 Replies latest jw friends

  • juni

    Again flag,

    About friends in the cong. you hate to lose. You'll find that these friends if they are sincere about the religion WILL, WITHOUT A DOUBT, be cautious around you if you are sporadic about the mtgs., etc. If you don't follow your old routine they will know something is up. Your relationship w/them will never be the same as they are in and you are sitting on the fence. They will know that.

    Unless a friend has doubts too that they've expressed or you really feel they have and you can bring it up with them, you can pretty much say good-bye to them. I'm not trying to bring you down - only speaking from my experience and other's.


  • flag

    Thanks Juni,

    I don't think this elder has any hidden motives but, you are right I shouldn't meet with him alone.

  • 95stormfront

    Wow...with all this good advice here...I imagine I may already be Da'd by my actions. The last time I spoke to the elders at the last KH I attended, I told them point blank that I was busy, happy with my life, and that if I needed their help or any spiritual guidance from them, I knew where to find them.

  • Mum

    flag / bandera:

    If you are feeling afraid or intimidated, try not to show it. If you do show it, say that you are tired (cansada?) or you had a hard day.

    Elders are likely to show up in twos (dios mio - dos !) or threes. They like the intimidation factor to be doubled.

    Don't say anything against the organization. Be calm and agreeable, and they will be surprised. If you are confrontational or angry, they will use it against you.

    Get them drunk (borrachos!) !!!

    Best wishes and regards,


  • skyman

    A friend of just had his wife leave, she asked for a divorce. The funny thing at first she left her husband for spiritual abandonment and the Elders supported her. His name on this board is sthilman. His wife soon after leaving got DF'd and has a worldly man living with her.

    The elders asked him if they could talk to him regarding his wife's action during the time they were investigating her. I told him do not to do it. I'll get to the point after they talked too stihlman for awhile they ask him when he was coming back to the meeting. He said, not for awhile. As the two elders were leaving they said there was going to be an announcement stating stihlman was no longer a JW. Stihman told them he did not say that. They replied you said you are not going to come for awhile and that's all we needed to hear to make the announcement, then they said if you want back to meetings sthilman you are welcome to come back anytime you want. NEVER ASSUME THEY ARE TRYING TO HELP> THEY are wolves in sheep's clothing.

  • MinisterAmos

    Explaining to the Elder that your spouse does not permit you to meet with other men will work very well.

  • rebel8
    this month is the first ever where i have no hours to report. can i just bluntly say, i didn't feel like volunteering this month? or is that a little to affront?

    Calliope, You do not owe them any explanation at all. If someone confronts you on the lack of FS, just nod, listen, and walk away. If you feel you must offer an explanation, just say you are taking a break and will let them know if you want to talk. The key to successful fading is to not discuss it.

    Plus, the first thing to do to leave the org is to establish appropriate interpersonal boundaries. It is a boundary violation for elders or anyone else to nose into your personal reasons for practicing your religion (or any parts of your religion). While it is appropriate for a religious minister (elder) to offer spiritual guidance, it is beyond inappropriate for him to push, ask repetitively, or pressure you into revealing your personal/internal thoughts about your religion. You have the right to say thanks for the offer and end the conversation.

  • mydiscounts

    be in need of help, as if they can do it, but go along with them agree with them on all issues,

    say your planning on making some changes but life got you down, act as if you have been trying but just dont seem to be able to make ends meet.

    my favorite was well now since I was not able to be college educated when I had the chance I have to work twice as hard as the next guy. Since I have been a stay at home mom most of my adult life it is now harder for me and my husdand just can not do it alone.

    I remember when we were trying to buy our first home, they were all over us, saying we were being too materialistic we should be happy in an apartment that cost twice as much as a house I guess. Best thing we ever did was buy our house anyway. For several months never heard from any of them, mind you they all have homes. But anyway just play the game.

  • Honesty
    I wouln't like to be df. because I don't want to loose some good friends that I have.

    I lost a lot of 'friends' when I left the Watchtower. I found out they were only robots who let a Lie of a religion rule them. You can find some real friends who don't turn their backs on you no matter what. Those real friends will not be Jehovah's Witnesses. However, they may be former Jehovah's Witnesses.

    Tell the elder that your husband will not let you meet any man alone under any circumstances.

    The elders do not own you. You are not their slave.

  • willyloman

    Lots of sound advice here, flag. It appears you are listening to it. Your original post gave the impression the elder asked to meet with you alone. Not sure if that's true, but if so it's a big no-no in the oganization. An elder should never ask a sister to meet him alone for any reason. You could simply say it's inappropriate to meet with him without your husband present and ask if he'd like you to ask your husband to join you. If he says yes, tell him you will talk to your husband about it and get back to him if your husband feels up to it.

    I was an elder for more than 20 years until recently when I resigned and walked.

    I completely agree with the poster who said this is a boundary issue and that elders inappropriately assume they can stick their nose in your business whenver they want to. If you sidestep this, they won't like it much but they will eventually get bored and move on. But only if you do not raise any "apostate" flags.

    When I explained to an elder that I wasn't getting to meetings (and it had been six months), he probed for the reasons. I simply told him about some serious health problems we'd experienced in our family and laid it on that.

    I was pretty convincing, I guess, because he sighed a big sigh of relief and said, "Oh, so you're all right then, great!"

    I wasn't "all right" physically, as I had just explained in detail. But in his mind, I was "all right" spiritually in that I had not expressed any doubts or lack of faith. He never came back. That's been 18 months or so.

    That's how their minds work. They pigeon-hole the "problem" JWs into "trouble" and "no trouble." If you can get yourself placed in the latter category, you're home free.

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