Elder Alert!!!!!

by flag 51 Replies latest jw friends

  • Cellist

    It took about 2 years for them to leave us alone. But that's partly because we moved in that 2 years and went through the whole thing all over again after our move. (JW relatives set us up). Health problems and depression are good covers. The main thing is to be vague in everything. "I don't know" is a very useful statement. (As long as you don't direct it specifically at the "Society".) The less you say the better. Shrug alot. Change the subject to innocent topics.


  • The Lone Ranger
    The Lone Ranger

    In my experience and to what I've heard from others, don't give them the impression that you have doubts, they can DF you for that.

    If they want to know why you haven't being to meetings, tell them yuo've being too busy, too ill, too much work..etc etc... and thank them for their "help" but keep doing the same things, I do think that after maybe one more visit they'll give up on you. Just don't let on that you have doubts, tell them that you still believe that they are the truth .blah..blah..blah. tickle their eyes and tell them what they want to hear.

  • Gerard
    I wouln't like to be df. because I don't want to loose some good friends that I have.

    In perspective you are extremely lucky that your family is already out of the cult. IMO, I'd disassociate very happily as the cost is not painless but minimal.

    Think of all the quality time you can now spend with your family!

  • rebel8

    If you don't want to get DFd, then don't meet with the elder at all. Say you need a break, you will call him if you want to talk and DON'T give out any other info. Anything you discuss with the elder or any JWs for that matter could easily be used to DF you, whether it's fair or not. I guess I don't see the point in your meeting with him.

  • TheListener

    Do not meet the elder. Do not discuss anything with the elder.

    Come up with one or two sentences that work for you that can be given to anyone asking you for information.

    Something like: "thanks for your concern, it's nice that you care about me. But, I've got a lot going on right now and I do not have time to talk/meet/sit down/discuss/whatever it is they want right now. If I need to talk with you about anything I will let you know. Again, thank you so much for your concern. bye bye"

    Just something you can practice and spit out at a moments notice. Do not discuss any doubts, issues, thoughts, concerns or problems with them. Not just the elders, but anyone in the congregation. Unfortunately no one is to be trusted. Well, that is unless you really trust someone. :)

  • The Lone Ranger
    The Lone Ranger

    Thats a good idea, don't meet with them at all. My service report has being way down for a few years, and the elders have 3 times asked me for a "shepherding" call, I've just say "thanks, but No thanks", if asked 'why?' I just shake my head. Never forget we are ALL VOLUNTEERS, yuo don't have do to anything.

  • Calliope

    here's a question

    (and i apologize for using your thread to ask it).

    this month is the first ever where i have no hours to report. can i just bluntly say, i didn't feel like volunteering this month? or is that a little to affront?

    and flag, i agree, if you avoid the situation altogether, you won't have to be anxious about what might be said at this meeting. IMO, don't meet with the elder.

  • flag

    Thank you all for your suggestions.

    I'll try avoid meeting with him but, If I cannot, then I will follow your suggestions and use all those "exit" frases that you get me.

  • Brigid

    Wow, it's so hard to even connect to this space again (i.e., where an elder would call and want to meet with you and you'd be all aflutter). Fear is so gone out of my life and it feels great.

    I sympathize with you. Be strong. Know that no one has power over you. You are your own person.



  • juni

    Hi flag,

    Do what's best for yourself first of all. Think, too, about your family. Speaking from experience, DON'T MEET W/THIS OLDER ELDER IF HE'S ALONE!!!! I speak from experience. No fool like an old fool.


    This happened to me and found out later that 9 other sisters were involved, but I was the only one to come forward. Then we all were come down on for being naive!! It's a man's world in the org. Spare yourself pain.


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