by Cordelia 73 Replies latest members private
Something else to remember: As a 30-something reinstated JW with a child you will have slim pickings out of the cult-trained men, who outnumber women 2:1 anyhow.
Out of the cult you have the whole globe to go at, and aren't limited to Manchester
You've already proved that you can pick up a worldly boyfriend, so it's not exactly as if you ahve to worry about being left on the shelf! Sure he wasn't the one for you, but there are many, many, many fish in the sea
well condi,
Are you in school or working? Can you support yourself and your child? If you can support yourself, then all you need is a friends/ neighbors. If you do not have a job, or friends, neighbors who will help? All of these things should play a part in your decision. b/c you could live on the street on your own,but you have a child to think about.
Do you just need to move back in with mommy and daddy so they can help you raise your child? That is legitimate. Moms and dads do that all the time. But there is a price to pay. you live in their house, you follow their rules. Perhaps mom and dad would be willing to help you if you just told them you were very confused (cause you are) and need more time to think about whether you want to be a part of this religion or go to school, (that would be great for you condi, ) . I can see a situation where mom and dad would let you move in, allow you to go to school so you can provide for yourself and your child and not be dependent on everyone else your entire life. That would be our ticket to a life, condi.
Getting reinstated is hard work, most of the time. But if it will make life easier for you and your child, go for it. If they will allow you to be df , and not make you miserable, then do that.
One last thing I want to tell you about returning to the org. to find a mate. Don't count on it. Jws can be very spiteful people at times, and when the brothers are looking for a spiritual sister, they seldom look at the reinstated ones, unless you are just drop dead gorgeous. And if you date a worldy person they will hassle you to death, or in some cases mark you.
weds
hey cordelia i wondered where you were...and i was hoping that because we hadnt heard from you that you must have found some happiness at last...sorry that isnt the case...
i got reinstated...for all the right reasons too...i had no intention of just fading afterwards..i didnt do it for my family..i did it because i still genuinely believed it and i wanted to get it all back...but the fact is that the more i thought about how they treated me..which is identical to the way they treated you and for the same reasons..then the more i realised i couldnt stomach it anymore...so i dont go now..but at least i have that option cos im not now disfellowshipped..i wasnt ever that close to my family and the way they treated me despite knowing i was being treated despicably didnt make for closer relationships so i still dont see that much of them..but again at least i have that option cos im not df-ed...
if you wanna talk about this further..email me..i will do what i can to help
I think the problem is, you do not think in terms of what makes you happy. You left for the boyfriend, you went back to meetings for your family.
If you find only your family makes you happy, then go back.. but keep in mind, going back comes with it obligations to be a witness.. meetings, service, dating JWs..
After what they put you through it's not worth it I think, but it's your decision.
(((cordelia)))
I know what you are going through, and i know exactly how you feel sweetie.
You have been given some very good advice here, not much i can add to that, excpet that you need to decide what make's YOU happy and go on that path. Life is too short to live your life for your parents. I had to realize that too.
Don't live your life for someone else either. I met my (now) husband at a time when i was struggling with issue's in the org. I never left the org for him, he would have never asked me to, he is very supportive of anything i want to do. And i am the same way for him. Our relationship is 50/50 and i would never have it any other way. If i wanted to attend meeting's, he would not have a problem with it, just as if he wanted to attend a church somewhere i would be supportive as well. All we ask of eachother is to research before committing.
What i am saying is, i know how you feel. Almost like you are going through an identity crisis, trying to figure out who you are and what you want in life. Just think of your child first, do you want her to grow up feeling like you do at an adult age? Personally i want better for my son.
Good luck with your decision, sometime's you just have to break those tie's and see what happens.
MP
i do understand what you are all saying
I'm not sure you do. But, thinking it over again, I'm not sure you can either.
Some people, at least at some stage in their lives, are just too sensitive to deal with cold hard reality as others do.
Weakness is not a shame. It is beneficial to all actually. Without it the world would be even colder and harder.
I wish you peace. Don't feel pressured to choose if you don't feel like choosing yet. Perhaps in weakness you will find your own strength eventually.
((((( Cordelia )))))
You have to be strong, If not for yourself you must be strong for your child. I have left the JW's and probably will be DF'd somewhere down the road. I have two daughters to think about. Even though my wife, youngest daughter and my ill mom ( who lives with us ) tries to get me to go back to the Hall, I just can't. As hard as it is at times, I have to be true to Myself. I will never go back. This makes them cry at times and it surely hurts me as well. The things I have found out about the WT have made me literally sick inside at times. Having know this yourself now, you must be true to the inner person inside of you. And besides, any man who comes along will respect you more for that.
I was df for about three years. Did a bunch of "naughty" things during that time. Managed to get myself reinstated somehow (holy spirit? hahahaha). It took me about three months and maybe 5 or six meetings. The elders were impressed with how different I had become, not realizing that my change for the better was from being out of there for three years. I got myself reinstated for my family, so I could more easily associate with my mother who had got cancer. She never really shunned me, however. She was a good person and I did it so that that uncomfortable feeling wouldn't be there if for some reason other JW's were visiting and whatnot. I never went to another meeting after being reinstated. I was never bothered by anyone either.
I am saying that it can be done. I do not know how your family has treated you since being disfellowshipped. My mother was very loving, maybe somewhat disappointed but never stopped loving me if not necessarily supporting my decisions. She helped me if I needed help and it wouldn't have mattered whether or not I was reinstated. Like I said, I only did it for the comfort level it provided. During the time I've been reinstated (don't get me wrong, I am definitely opposed to the JW religion), I have met a girl (not JW) and married her. Unfortunately my mother lost the battle with cancer, but she did get to meet my wife, and she knew that I was happy. I pulled it off, so it can be done, but my family is not one for snooping, tattling, and all that bullshit.
That is my two cents. Good luck on your decision! It is certainly a very difficult one and varies greatly on what your family is like.
Just to add to what I said, I had a support system on the outside, I was self supportive, and lived on my own.
