think im gonna have to get reinstated and let them win!

Cordelia

anyone thats been following my posts will know that i got dfed earlier this year, could of prob appealed and got off but chose not to coz in my head i thought if i was dfed i could be with my boyfriend and everything would be perfect!

(but it wasnt coz i chose to hide him so my family would not feel anyworse pain!)

my family was so heartbroke my dad stayed in touch just to help me come back, my boyfriend stood by me but soon wanted me to have a baby and for him to move in, and we just argued all the time ive lost count of all the times i felt so hurt by him!

anyway things came to a head i was going insane by going to the meetings so my family could have a glimmer of hope, and by my bf constanly saying he should come first, so i stood up to my dad told him i loved the bf and i wasnt going to go to any meetings.

I felt great for alittle while till i realised the bf wasnt as wonderful as id thought, hes borrowed money off me and ruined my first christmas by silly aurging,

and now we have spilt up for good, so i figured i may as well just attend the meetings my family (who have been really ill recently and i think that made me think i couldnt live with myself if they died and i had hurt them so much!) have been really happy and even talked a little, but now i feel like ive undone everything i had done, but the only way out i can see is to get reinstated and then leave then at least i could have some contact, anyone else go down that path?

And also i wonder if i met a nice guy in the future if i was trying to get reinstated how would that work?

anyone leave the truth for someone but then end up woth someone else?

guess i just want your experiences to make up my mind,

i feel like theres no way out and the witnesses will always win

PMJ

hi where in manchester are you from?

blondie

Sounds to me like you want your cake and eat it too, Cordelia. If you want to be reinstated, just to turn around and date non-JWs, what is the point? Will you be able to lead a celibate, single JW life?

What is another saying, jump out of the pan into the fire, or in this case is it jumping out of the fire into the pan?

Blondie

theinfamousone

i dont know your pain exactly, but i know that every single time i ended up with the witnesses, i was hurt and annoyed and sick and tired and guilty and shit, i just hated myself when i was one of them... i think maybe talking to your dad, beinag a human being and explaining that you dont like the religion ay be a good first step towards making peace with yourself and him... i dont know, i dont see joining back with the witnesses as a real solution to anything at all!!!

the infamous one

jgnat

Why ask for more advice? You've ignored everything suggested to you so far. By broadcasting your indecision, all you will do is receive dozens of more suggestions, all different.

I fear you are condemned to bob along like a cork on the ocean, at the whim and the wind of whomever you are with. You will continue to hurt those around you and be hurt by those you care about, as long as you pick the path of least resistance. I suggest you find a really strong person to take over all decisions for you. A circuit overseer at least.

Guys I really need your help. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/100361/1.ashx Oct 20

OK I think I finally made a decision. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/101968/1.ashx Nov 16

Why can't they see how cruel they are? http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/103131/1.ashx Dec 10

Well I finally did it! http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/103536/1.ashx Dec 13

candidlynuts

hugs cordelia,

if you have to get reinstated to make access to family easier then do it..

a big percentage of witnesses who go regularly just do it for family and they lead double lives.

your not in a win win situation. there arent any easy answers. just do what you feel like you gotta do to get by for now.

AlmostAtheist

Cordelia, indecision is your enemy. You have neither the JW life nor any life away from them. You're cheating yourself. Your parents will NEVER be happy with you. They have a thoroughly warped sense of what a proper way to live is, and won't be happy until you corkscrew yourself into that mold. If don't do it completely, they won't be happy. If you do it, you won't be happy.

At the moment, nobody's happy.

Please sit yourself down and explain to yourself where you'd like to be in 5 years. Make it clear and detailed. Then ask yourself, "When I get here, will my parents be happy? Will I be DF'd again for getting here?" You know what the answer will be.

Go live. Don't keep playing "life".

Dave

Spectrum

I think you should always put your family first before any bf especially one that complains to you about putting your family before him. Regarding going back I have no experience to call upon so I can't advise you about that except you have to balance being true to your heart and your family.

luna2

Cordy, you have to do whatever it is that you have to do. People can give advice until they are blue in the face, but if you aren't ready to take that advice or if you don't feel like its right for you, then what's the point?

I will tell you that I'm a person who is easily subsumed by others. It gives me great pleasure to feel needed and wanted...to the point that I will happily (at least for a time) put aside personal preferences to please other people. In the end, allowing this personality trait of mine free reign has not turned out to be in my best interests or that of my sons. Looking back, I have found that I have made poor choices based on emotion rather than clear, reasonable, well-researched decisions. However, nobody could have told me this about myself. I had to find it out on my own. I guess its better late than never. LOL

Whatever you choose to do with your life, I wish you happiness. (((Cordy)))

LittleToe

Have you decided which decisions you'll let them make for you and which you wont? You're 30 and a mother. At what point do you take control of your life and enter the adult world?

By all means get reinstated, if you think it'll help, but I strongly suspect that it will make little difference. You'll just disappoint them in some other way, and another, and another. It's full submission or nothing at all, with them. Your life can never be your own as long as you let them control your every move, dancing to their every whim.

Do you remember Pinocchio when he was all strung up?

(((hugs)))

think im gonna have to get reinstated and let them win!

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