think im gonna have to get reinstated and let them win! (page 7)

Cordelia

THANKS ENIGMA YOU ARE RIGHT I HAVE NEVER BEEN ON MY OWN, BUT IF I KNOW I DONT LOVE MY HUBBY THEN THAT AINT GONNA GET BETTER IS IT, ID JUST BE PRETENDING AND THAT AINT FAIR ON HIM

I DO LOVE HIM BUT I DONT FEEL THE WAY I DO ABOUT MY BF, AND I I GUESS I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHATS THE RIGHT LOVE???

ANYWAY I TALKED TO MY DAD THE OTHER DAY, AND HE SAID THINGS LIKE ;ITS OK IF I DONT WANT TO GO ON THE MINISTRY ON A SATURDAY I COULD GO ON ANOTHER DAY IN THE WEEK, RIGHT WHEN I SAID I DONT WANT TO GO AT ALL,

I SHOULD NOT GET REINSTATED SHOULD I?????

MerryMagdalene

So sorry to hear about your crash! ((((((((((cordelia))))))))))All my best to ya

~Merry

Enigma One

Sweetie....at the most all you are doing is putting off a tough decision. You know. If you get reinstated...then 6 months from now you'll have to face the decision. Or 1 year. Or whenever. There is never a good time to walk away. There will always be much to lose. A reason to stay just a little longer. Then one day you will wake up look in the mirror, 10 years will have passed, and you are STILL in the same situation you are in now. Inaction usually only makes action harder to execute in the future.

Everytime I thought I was trying to spare someone from getting hurt, I only hurt them worse. Trust me, I've screwed some things up royally. But what I've found now...is that you are 100% honest, even though it causes pain, usually the other person can UNDERSTAND why you are coming from where you are. They may still be hurt. They may still get angry. But they will get over it faster and sooner because they will understand, hey she didn't love me, she cares for me, but didn't want to keep lying to me. Which would you rather have Cordeila coming from a partner of yours?

Follow your heart. It won't lead you astray. Intellectualizing always ends up screwing me up. Following your heart may just cause you more pain along the way, but will definantly give you far more happiness! Cordeila....think of your auto accident. Think how easily you life could have been taken from you. Would you want your last day of you life spent as you spent that day? Going to the KingDumb Hall? None of us know how much time we have left. Maybe a day. A month. A decade. Maybe many decades. Live for today, plan for tomorrow, and relish your yesterday. Time is the only thing that will never be cheated, neglected, postponed, or turned back.

Cordelia

YOU ARE SO RIGHT, I DONT WANT THAT LIFE I KNOW THAT, I JUST HATE HURTING PEOPLE ITS JUST THAT MY ACCIDENT WAS PRETTY BAD I WENT THRU WINDSCREEN AND SO EVERYONE IS NICE NOW, ITS WEIRD THE POLICE AND THE AMBULANCE GUYS SEEMED TO TREAT IT BAD BUT I FEEL FINE ALL I DID WAS ASK FOR A CURRY AND THEY THOUGHT THAT MEANT I WAS CONFUSED BUT ID DO THAT ANYWAY!

BUT I THINK I WANT OUT LIKE YOU SAID I HAVE PROB HURT PEOPLE SO MUCH BY NOT BEING HONEST, I SHOULD OF BEEN HONEST FROM THE START! BUT IT WILL BE HARD TO DO IT NOW AFTER EVERYTHING, WHEN THE BF EQUALS NO FINACIAL SECURITY AT ALL AND THE HUBBY EQUALS ALOT, AND IS BEING NICE BUT I JUST DONT FEEL IT!

BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER IF ITS LOVE DOES IT?

WHAT IS YOUR STORY ENIGMAONE YOU INTRIGUE ME?

AudeSapere

EnigmaOne wrote:

But I honestly think you need to live on YOUR OWN, so you can figure out what YOU WANT, not doing what you think others want. Living for someone else is a disaster in the making. Until you learn this you are bound to pinball bounce from one bad relationship to the next. No, other person can make you happy. Find it within yourself to be happy on your own, then you will be able to form a healthy, give / take relationship with someone you would like to share your life with.

I was looking for words real similar to his.

My strong suggestion is to first live on your own. This pendulum dance that you are doing is making you (and others) dizzy. Find your center - yours alone. Then you will be in better position to make solid, honest decisions.

-Aude. (Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding.)

ps: I chose this nick because I had my own insecurities. Be strong. Learn how to make honest decisions for yourself. It's in every one of us.

rowan

Cordelia,

I totally empathize with your situation, having been there myself. With the WT holding my beloved ones hostages, I chose to play their game. Yes they won, yes, shunning and emotional blackmail worked in my case. Darn WT. I did go against what I deem right and just by submitting myself to the reinstatement procedure. It is sick and unfair, but having grown up in that twisted cult, and knowing from an insider's point of view how my family thinks and feels, I decided to "go back" for their sake.

Of course it is not enaugh. my parents are whining because I haven't stepped on a KH ever again. But it is never enaugh with the JWs, even if you are a pioneer. so what? At last I can see them, I could talk with my nephew after 4 years and tell him not to get baptized, ever. (and he agrees, hehe)

You do what you have to do. If you get reinstated, you will probably feel no difference. They have raped you emotionally and that will always be there. The whole difference is for your family. They will still bug you about stuff, but they'll be allowed to see you, as sick as that sounds.

On the other hand, nobody has the right to demand this huge sacrifice and self diminishing act. My relationship with my family will never be the same, but at last I have one, and that is what is important to me. How will it be for you after they make you do this for them?

Another thing, what can you do to get out of the scoop of the elders once you are officially in?

Whatever you do, it is a no win situation, as it has been since we took our baptisim vows as young teenagers.

my two cents,

Rowan

LittleToe

So, lessee, from your perspective you have the option of one of two lives:

Get reinstated, pioneer, back with the hubby, reasonably secure financially, and your family loving you for being what they want you to be; or
Don't get reinstated, get back with boyfriend, not so secure financially, and your family only visiting you during an occasional life-threatening visit to the hospital.

Do you not see any shades of grey?

so guys now i finally realise im kidding myself to get reinstated for family and then leave

This is going to be one of those rare cases in life where I say "told ya so". Methinks we all told you this back at day one, as we've been there and know the animal we're all dealing with. You aren't dealing with people who genuinely and unreservedly love you - you're dealing with a cult, first and foremost. Your reasoning highlights that you haven't yet disengaged from cultee thinking, either, as you haven't properly started thinking of yourself as an individual.

As you were told before, and are starting to see for yourself, it's the whole package or nothing at all.

Sorry to hear about your accident. I'm gald to hear that you're ok from it. How did you end up going through the windscreen? And more importantly, did you get that currie?

Cordelia

i didnt realise id put i went thru the windscreen, was alittle tipsy last night!! i mean i hit the windscreen with my head and cracked it all on one side in a big circle my hair was all stuck in it, i have a right headache now!!

and yes ive had two curries since

i appreciate what you are all saying, i have just spent the afternoon with my dad he came to take me to the police station, and i told him how i didnt love my hubby and if i wasnt with the lad i would never be happy and would resent the truth, he said dont tell that to your mother shell tell you not to bother she wants you in the truth properly, but you have no choice coz i have to get reinstated or i will hurt everyine evne more,

i got abit mad coz he even said that if i do go with the bf and live with him everyone will try and get my daughter to live with her dad, coz she shouldnt be brought up by a worldly person!!!!! how far will these people take things,

the bf has been nice again said hell support me whatever but i have to be honest this time,

i know i must love him to still feel this way after everything, and even being with my dad today made me see how trapped i will be if i get reinstated!!!

think i should take the plunge and stick by it this time, i feel bad hurting the hubby tho coz hes been so good looking after me since the accicdent. why is life so complicated?

ballistic

Hi Cordelia, sorry to hear about your troubles. Something just jumped out at me is you are drinking (apparently heavily) with a head injury. You must definately not drink at all for a couple of weeks after a head injury because alcohol causes the brain to swell against the inside of your skull. You really must listen to this bit of advice if nothing else I've said over the months.

deeskis

Cordy, no one can tell you what to do (except your parents think they have the right to!) If you have a cop-out and say............they told me to, then it's not being done for the right reasons.

you have to make your own decision.

I really feel that you should get some counselling, before you jump headlong back into the relationship with either your bf, or ex. you owe that to your child.

and ballistic's right, lay off the grog for now.!!

best wishes D

think im gonna have to get reinstated and let them win!

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