think im gonna have to get reinstated and let them win! (page 2)

Gill

Not easy, is it Cordelia. Real buggers the JW Elders, and they won't be happy till they've stomped you into the ground in submission to their 'divine authority'.

If it's any help, I used to sit crying at my Counsellors when I decided to leave JW land about five years ago. I was crying about all my 'lovely JW relatives' who would never speak to me again.

Now I just think they're terminally stupid and don't give a poo!

Life changes and goes on. There are many good and loving people in the world. Don't hide from them and bury yourself in JW land.

But then...the decisions yours. What will you pick?

Will it be the search for love and acceptance that every human searches for or will it be submission and misery..........

You have got very good suggestions here. You have to decide what is best for you and stick by it. Life is too short to be indecisive. I tried going back when I was going through a divorce. When they didn't know who I was (I had moved to another city) they were all warm and fuzzy. Then after I talked w/them and asked them to contact my old cong. the next time I went to the Hall, I was looked at like I had leprosy. Do you know that I received no encouragement - it was a year before I was contacted by the elder who was going to talk to my old cong.

I told him to forget it. I'm going on w/my life. I could see it was going to be more of the same hoop jumping.

Juni

garybuss

If I am disfellowshipped, I can sleep in Saturday mornings, I can go to meetings . . . . or not, I can pick up literature if I want, I can smoke cigars or even have sex with a buffalo if I want, I can talk to anybody I want and no Witness can talk to me. It's the perfect status if you ask me.

carla

Your 30 and a mother! oh dear, I forgot. What is all this indecision and waffling doing to your child may I ask? just had a discussion with one of mine about hoping they grow up to be strong individuals capable of independent thoughts and actions and hope they never feel they have to rely on another human being for their keep, well being, and happiness. What kinds of things do you hope for your child?

Let me get this staight, your parents will disown you if you decide you no longer believe in jw's, they will welcome you with open arms if you pretend to believe and do as you, a 30 year old woman, is told to do? is this about right?

How bad do you want a life of your own where you make the decisions? If you want it bad enough you will eventually go for it, whatever 'it' is. Please think of your child and the effects the society has on their well being when you make a decision.

MerryMagdalene

(((((Cordelia))))) So sorry for the situation in which you find yourself.

If I remember correctly, you have a child, don't you?

If you do, all I can say is, as tough as it is, let the adults in your life look after themselves, and do what's best for your child.

*will strictly following a JW way of life to get your parents back be best for your child? (think it over carefully; list the pros and cons)

*will leading a double life be best for your child? (do same as above)

*and will getting reinstated and then fading actually give you the freedom to live in both worlds as you seem to want to do?

*accept that there is no easy way out, then do what you have to do to make the best possible life for your child.

FWIW those are my thoughts on the matter.

Wishing you the best, as ever,

~Merry

daystar

Cordy, cordy, cordy... I so empathize with you and your situation. I don't think I can say much more to you about this than I already have though. You are still way too concerned about trying to make everyone else around you happy so that they will like you and you can feel secure.

If losing the bf causes you to go back, one can only assume you really only left for him in the first place. This is not a good thing. If you decide to stay out of the Org, again, you have to do it for yourself (and perhaps your child) and absolutely no one else.

Good luck!

AuldSoul

(((Cordelia))) sweety ... your parents no doubt love you, but they have already told you it is conditional love. What are their conditions? That you pretend to be something and someone you are not.

All you have to do is be forever false and they will love ... you, or the "you" they coerced you into pretending to be?

I have nothing to add except, print out this thread and read these people's thoughts every night before you go to bed and each morning when you wake up. We aren't trying to help ourselves by what we are saying, we have nothing to gain.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

unique1

I don't think we should have any regrets. If you are sure you would feel regretful if your parents passed and you think getting reinstated will leave you with no regrets then by all means, do so. You have to live your life for you and no one else. In the end it is your decision. You really need to find people/friends who will support you no matter what.

joelbear

follow your heart. if you want to get reinstated and then fade, that's what you should do. it does make a difference to strict JW family that you are just inactive not DFed.

you can date and marry non witnesses without being DFed.

i understand how you feel. i'm come close to doing it several times, but decided that for me it wasn't right.

only you know what your personal psyche and spirit need!

BIG HUGS

i really understand the pain.

juni

COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER AULDSOUL.

ALL OF US HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN BY YOUR DECISION. BUT WE ALL DO SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE. LIKE SOMEONE ELSE HAS SAID, THINK OF YOUR CHILD. YOU ARE THE ONE RIGHT NOW TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR HIM/HER. PLEASE COUNT THE COST NOT ONLY FOR THE PRESENT, BUT ALSO FOR THE FUTURE.

JUNI

think im gonna have to get reinstated and let them win!

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