Crumpet: I am so sorry you are going through this hurt. It is painful, frustrating and disheartening all at once. All I can say is we care and are here. We hope the best, I know it isn’t the “same” as family that shares a history with you, but at least you can choose which direction life will take you and not be judged.
As for Shunning:
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."--1 Tim.5:8 (NIV)
Paul counseled against abandoning those separated from the congregation: For your part, brothers, do not give up in doing right. But if anyone is not obedient to our word through this letter, keep this one marked; stop associating with him, that he may become ashamed. And yet do not be considering him as an enemy, but continue admonishing him as a brother.
Just how are you to keep “admonishing” if you don’t even participate in someone’s life? What ever happened to love and encouragement? If the law of Christianity can be summed up in one word, it is "LOVE." Then what is shunning doing in practice?
And I say to the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good
2 Thessalonians 3:13-15 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
Brothers, do not grow weary (A) in doing good. And if anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take note of that person; don't associate with him, so that he may be ashamed. 15 Yet don't treat him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.
Those who have received the gospel are to live according to the gospel. Yes it takes work, to help others and encourage. Christianity is not to countenance slothfulness, which would consume what is meant to encourage the industrious, and to support the sick and afflicted (and encourage the struggling, for if we are imperfect we all struggle.) Industry doesn’t mean robotic sermons and door to door works, it goes beyond that as “Christians”.
Nor does it mean you put on airs or be in judgment, for we all screw up at times. But some religious ritualized people expect to be maintained in idleness, when it comes to helping the afflicted, the struggling because a group of men interpreted the bible and stand in the place of judgment. When it is not their place to be, they indulged a curious and conceited temper, to use it to destroy. They meddled with the concerns of others and do much more harm, which isn’t at all Christ-like. It is a great error and abuse of religion, to make shunning a cloak pride, because there is no good in injury and the disheartening someone. (Talk about stumbling someone) To be idle in the department of kindness, love, and caring, is a true sin. It is an excellent, but rare union, to be active in our own business, yet quiet as to other people's. If any refused to labour with quietness, they were to note him with censure, and to separate from his company, yet they were to seek his good by loving admonitions. The Lords is with you while you are with him. Hold on your way, and hold on to the end.
Tough Love is misused in this practice. Tough Love doesn’t always mean harming someone emotionally, mentally or even physically. Does not love rescue and recover, with gentle encouragement? Would Jesus shun the sheep, that strayed from the flock?
The bible also states, regarding hardening of the heart~
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart, in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things. Ephesians 6:4
New American Standard Bible
Compared to NWT: And YOU, fathers, do not be irritating YOUR children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.
If Jehovah wants you to worship him with free will. Why would there be a reason for mental regulation? That is man’s translation.
But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own (virgin) daughter, he will do well. 1 Corinthians (New American Standard Bible)
The matter comes down to free will. Cohersion is not productive to free will I seriously think that God/Jehovah/ The Creator wouldn’t want you to be forced to worship him because someone else wanted you to do so, no in fact that is why it is called a PERSONAL relationship. It is your choice to have one or not. In the end it is suppose to be between him and you any way.