Huge shock!

by Crumpet 158 Replies latest jw friends

  • wombat

    Dear poor Crumpet,

    "Seldom is a man so fortunate as to be related to his true family by blood"....Henry David Thoreau.

  • Evanescence
    Evan - my family live a few hours away by car. I don't know where my sister lives - I thought she lived at home with my parents when she wasnt at bethel - but I presume she lives with her husband!

    Wouldn't you then be able to go down and pay them a visit, it would be hard for them to ignore you if your at their doorstep right? Or at least ask for your sisters location...

    If what Defd told me was true in another post, some jw's take the shunning too far, maybe the local elder might help.... Idk just an idea

    I'm sure you probebly thought of all these already...

    But anyway... i'll keep you in my prayers Crumpet


  • defd

    Evan according to the rules we should not talk to disfellowshipped individuals. However I also go by the SPIRIT of the Law. Her Father is just following scriptural counsel to the extreme.


  • Pubsinger

    Hi Crumpet.

    DONT do the newspaper thing or anything else like it.

    It'll only make things worse and confirm/re-inforce in their minds the way that they view you.

    Your "love 'em to death" idea is much better tho i don't know when you'd get the chance to do it

    Revenge is a dish best not served at all. I know it's hard. From an extended JW family myself (oldest of 8) and their behaviour is inconsistent and hurtful but anything you do which fuels it won't help.

    Much better to sound off to us lot. I know Cordelia will understand (just from reading her threads)

    We hurt with you


  • MidwichCuckoo

    You could send your sister a 'Congrats On Your Wedding' / 'to The Bride And Groom' card at a time when she'll already have received 1st Anniversary cards - she'll know you've only just heard.....

  • Enigma One
    Enigma One

    Just never allow yourself to be used as a doormat. I've found being mamby pamby around Witlesses doesn't work. You need to grab them by the throat, shake them around a little bit, and tell what the program is going to be. Otherwise the preprogrammed BS kicks in. Until you can get through to them, nothing works. Rocking their world seems to be the only way to get through to them.

    The only resolution I've seen with the "kill em with kindness" is a raft of your Tupperware missing from the funeral where the Witlesses still walked all over you and acted like you weren't there, AND stole your Tupperware...leaving you with a raft of unsaid, unsettled things to the person you had so much to say to. Also, negotiate from a position of strength always. Otherwise, you are like a beggar scrounging for whatever scraps of love they will toss in your direction.

    Hang in their Crumpet.....things eventually get better.

  • Pubsinger

    I'd send her the card.

    TELL her that you've only just heard. Tell her you love her and wish her every happiness.

    If you play their game you'll give them the satisfaction of letting them know it worked.

    They KNEW you'd find out sooner or later. They WANTED you to find out eventually through the grapevine.

    Act in the one way they don't want you to.

    Act in a Christian manner. Thats the "knife" you should insert

  • Legolas
    I am so sick of not being normal and having a normal family.


    Hun YOU are normal, it is them in the cult that are not.

    Hang in there One day the scales might fall off their eyes.

  • Pubsinger

    And that's not letting them use you as a doormat.

    Thats showing you won't stoop to their level.

  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia


    I am sorry for you to find out this family news in such a hurtful way. Are you absolutely sure your sister is married? Also, can't you spread some of the anger to include your sister? I assume that she is an adult, and is responsible for herself...couldn't she choose to let you know what is happening in her life?

    I know these questions don't take away the hurt feelings, but really if she is married...both your father and your sister are pretty heartless.

    Big hugs to you,

    Chrystal aka Why Georgia

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