by Gary1914 128 Replies latest jw friends
I don't serve Jehovah, I serve the elders and the brothers and sisters at the Hall. They are the ones whose approval I covet.
Switch that to coveting your children's approval, and you're on your way! You'll find God in their eyes as you watch them grow up HAPPY.
Good for you for doing that soul-searching. If you can see yourself clearly, then your path will also be clear.
Hugs,
Nina
If you are having a problem with the direct confrontation (and an inability to say no), I would suggest changing congregations if you can. They will try to talk you out of it, but do it. Say your family needs a change or something. They will send a letter of introduction to your new congregation.
No doubt the body at your new congregation will be happy to see another prospective elder on their body. This may give you a few months of elder-free duty for a few months until the CO comes around. He will visit your new congregation, they will probably discuss you briefly as a formality during the elders meeting for the week, and recommend you. They will send it off and when it comes back, probably within a couple of weeks after the CO leaves, they will ask you then if you will accept the recommendation. At this point...JUST SAY NO and that you would like to spend more time "building your family up spiritually."
It may be a little easier as you will have less of an emotional attachment to this new elder body. Believe me, I understand. In the future I will share more of my own story.
Axelspeed
Good idea, axelspeed. That could work.
Thanks Blondie ...it has.
The other elder said that there was nothing more important than Jehovah and his organization and that this should be my first priority. I corrected him and said that my family was my first priority and he said no, Jehovah’s organization was my first priority. What?
With this statement, they are counting on your youth and compliant nature to guilt and bully you into staying in line. If there is any irony here, it is that I noticed a lot, and I mean a lot, of long time elders who were just willing to coast. Not having any other social circle, besides that of the "elders club", to go to and to hang out with...they just trudge along.
A lot are more than willing to hand the reins of privilege (work) to the young and the gung-ho. Many of the old timers have been there-done that, and secretly wish they could wiggle out of more of whats on their plate.
Axelspeed
Well, after an hour and a half, he is not going to accept my resignation. They need elders and I should just get my children to sit quiet during the meetings. He also said that when the Circuit Overseer comes next week we would talk with him together.
What right does he have to "not accept your resignation"? This is a voluntary position, is it not? It's a free country, is it not? You can come and go as you please in the US of A, the last time I heard. The fact that they "need elders" is THEIR problem, not yours. You can tell them that you feel that you cannot help your children sit quietly during the meetings when you are up on the platform performing elder duties or in late meetings after the meeting puts this burden mostly on your wife, and you want to support her and your children's spirituality at this point. That is your scriptural duty - to preside over your household in a fine manner. Obviously, from what they have told you they don't feel that you are doing an adequate job of that. They've cornered you and are bullying you to choose between the Organization and your beautiful family. They are emasculating you, Gary. They don't want you to stand up for yourself and your family. Do you ever get the feeling that you're in the Mafia? LOL
The PO is trying to put a burden of guilt on you that you "should" continue to serve as an elder, even when you don't want to anymore. Do they even know that you are suffering from depression and are on medication? If they do know, it sounds as though they don't care about what is in your best interests at all.
Part of recovering from depression is learning to identify what your needs are, and finding the strength to ask to have those needs met and honoured. When you can do this, and people respect you enough to give you the help you need, it is rather empowering and it helps chip away the depression. Ask yourself whether you feel the body of elders respects you enough to honour your request to step aside so that you can take care of the necessary things in your life like your health, your family, your own spirituality. It doesn't seem like they do, to me.
Well, after an hour and a half, he is not going to accept my resignation. They need elders and I should just get my children to sit quiet during the meetings.
Excuse me??? How dare he presume to dictate to you!!! He has no choice, and he knows it, but he wants to make you feel as though you are the one who has no say in the matter. A former employer tried that with me once, refusing to accept my resignation because he didn't like my reasons. He even threatened me with a lawsuit. I just told him that if he refused to accept my resignation as it stood then I would email it to the entire company. I am not anyone's slave.
Once I told the elders I would no longer be able to do the "sound" or "mics" at the hall, and I had a good reason to quit. And I made it stick, but they nagged me for a full 3 months to come back to it, and I eventually gave in and went back on the sound. Within a week they took away that "privilege". So why did they nag me for 3 months to come back to it? Was it because they needed my help? Or was it about control? They could not let me quit - they had to fire me, and that's what it's all about. They cannot stand to have someone telling them to screw off - it has to be them saying it.
I would not be surprised if they now have you deleted as an elder - to make it look like it was their idea - not yours.
My reccomendation? Might sound kind of extreme, but that's just me. I'd resign as an elder, and advise them that it was my decision, and that it is non-negotiable. If they still refuse to accept it, make a comment the next time you have your hands on a microphone stating that you are resigning as an elder. The whole congregation will hear it so there will be no doubt that it was your idea. If the elder body doesn't like it - too bad. It's their own fault for refusing your resignation. Next time they should know better than to try to trample on a man's God given free will.
W
Jehovah, Jesus, none of that enters into why I continue to go to the Kingdom Hall. ;I don't see Jesus or Jehovah and I don't feel them. ; ;It's because I want the people in the Hall to see me as a spiritual man, whether I am or not. ; I don't serve Jehovah, I serve the elders and the brothers and sisters at the Hall. ; They are the ones whose approval I covet. ; I know that much of what is being taught is just tripe, but I don't really care, and I bet some of them don't care either. ; It is like a game that we are used to playing. ; .................... gary you just answered your inner most honest feelings. i've been following this thread with intrest. and waiting to see, if you would wake up! after you resigned i would have just got up and said i need to attend my family bye. not let them play with my feeling for and hour and half. forget about having a meeting with the c.o. just stop doing any elder chores today. show them you mean it. i get the feeling from your last few posts you have out grown the k.h. and don't even want to go any longer. a good first step would be try to miss the next meeting or 2 and take your family to a disney movie or to dinner with ice cream sundae's . sure your kids will love that. maybe even give them thier first christmas. and let them grow up normal. you may even want to try a different church. christmas at many7 churchs is a very loving and upbuilding time. never know you just may find the hs. and peace. best wishes. make your self happy and your family... the clock is running john
If you insist on resigning, they cannot stop you, you just have to persist and that doesn't necessarly require confrontation just the knowledge that you know what you're doing is right for you and your family. I don't know if you told them that you are on anti-depressants, but that may get them to realise your are serious about resigning.
You're on your way out and it's time to start dancing to your own tune.
...Forget about having a meeting with the c.o. just stop doing any elder chores today. show them you mean it. i get the feeling from your last few posts you have out grown the k.h. and don't even want to go any longer. a good first step would be try to miss the next meeting or 2 and take your family to a disney movie or to dinner with ice cream sundae's
Exactly.
They want the CO to help them gang up on you and "force" a confession they think you may be "hiding" from them. Follow your gut instinct and don't give them all the control.
"Provide for those who are members of your own household" I think means emotionally as well as physically.
It's obvious this cult is dangerous if they're telling you to sacrifice your health and your family's well being for "them."
YC
Gary, I'm sorry you had to endure yet another interrogation. The pressure you are feeling right now must unbearable!
I'm sorry you had to deal with a guilt-fest. I remember how well that worked on me. When all else fails pull out the guilt tools.
Let's clarify something: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FAMILY AND YOURS ALONE. YOUR FAMILY COMES FIRST.
Step away from JW teaches specifically and look at the history of cults, what do they use to control their members? They claim members need to sacrafice all for a higher power/deity. They brainwash through coercision. They make members think that they should be willing to give everything over to this greater good.
Reality check: YOUR FAMILY COMES FIRST!
From what you are saying, I see that you are intimidated by them and that you don't want to "rock the boat." But, where does it stop? It is time to draw a clear line in the sand in front of your family. They are OFF-LIMITS!
To have the adacity to say they will bring back the CO is just plain bullying. You can not stand for this. You need to let them know NOW that you have made up your mind on the matter and that a meeting with the CO won't be necessary. You won't be attending it and that is the final say on the matter.
Please know we are here to support you. Many of us have been exactly where you are now. We have faced the same emotions you are experiencing. We know how torn you feel right now. That is the brain-sucking monster slowly be ripped away from you. It is truly amazing how clear you can see when all the crap is wiped away and you can think for yourself. You've already started on that path according to your last message. I had emailed you about intuition. To use it, you must first listen and feel for it. It is there, you just need to have the courage to follow its path.
Good luck my friend!
HS
