Date Rape - What is it? WARNING some graphic details

by Lady Lee 89 Replies latest members adult

• 

  Skeptic

  Skeptic
  

  That was an excellent post. Thank you for it.

  Thank you for your kind words.
  

  Personally I like BT's idea - sex only within marriage (or committed relationships) Might solve a lot of problems

  Not necessarily. With the mindgame I described, I was committed to the relationship. To her it was just a game. She only stopped because my kid became very attached to her. He was so angry at her when he found out the truth. Such people do not care who gets hurt, as long as they have their fun.

  As for the woman who abused me on this forum, I was committed. I passed up two or three possible relationships here and one online (that lady was a damned fine catch - but I told her that I was already in a relationship; now I feel like a fool) because I wanted to stay loyal to her. Alas, she was just a player and she deliberately wanted to hurt me.

  Committment is not a safeguard against sick individuals.

  Ironically, the non-committed sex I had was less enjoyable but not subject to abuse. I always state upfront what my intentions are. In each case, I have been treated well by the women whom I told I was not in it for the long term. Most of them are still friends.

  But you are right. When a person enters into a committed relationship with an honest partner, there is nothing like it, in or out of the bedroom.
• 

  StinkyPantz

  FD-

  Don't know if anyone else has responded to this, so excuse me if this has already been addressed:

  I said rape IS NOT always violent; FD says: Yes it is. Rape necessarily involves the use of force, the threat of force or another violation of the victim's rights. Otherwise it is not rape.

  I disagree, partially. First of all, you are equating violence and force. I said "violence" doesn't have to be used and you retort that "force" does. They are not the same thing, so what exactly are you disagreeing with? Violence involves physical force. . physical force does not always have to be present to rape someone. Do you agree? If so, your other implication, that rape is always violent, is wrong.
• 

  funkyderek

  Stinky, I was including in the meaning of violence a broader sense which my dictionary just about supports ("Abusive or unjust exercise of power") Essentially yes, I was equating violence with force. Rape always involves illegitimately forcing someone to do something against their will. Whether or not you call this violence is a semantic issue. My point was primarily that persuading or coercing someone to have sex is not the same as forcing them to do so.
• 

  Lady Lee

  Merriam-Webster dictionary

  Main Entry: co·erce
  Pronunciation: kO-'&rs
  Function: transitive verb
  Inflected Form(s): co·erced; co·erc·ing
  Etymology: Latin coercEre, from co- + arcEre to shut up, enclose -- Date: 15th century
  1 : to restrain or dominate by force <religion in the past has tried to coerce the irreligious -- W. R. Inge>
  2 : to compel to an act or choice
  3 : to bring about by force or threat <coerce the compliance of the rest of the community -- Scott Buchanan>
  synonym see FORCE
• 

  funkyderek

  My apologies. Coercion clearly carries the meaning of using or threatening force so I used it incorrectly. I wrongly believed it to be synonymous with persuasion
• 

  Lady Lee

  My hat is off to you FD

  I admire a man who can admit mistakes. Thank you very much for that. This whole discussion has been very difficult for some of us
• 

  Garnet

  Lady Lee,

  Thank you for the wonderful research, a number of years ago I was raped by my ex boyfriend. He pulled the "you would if you loved me" trick, I gave in and he got more physical I begged him to stop, but he didn't.

  Anyway, I told a friend of mine in confidence and he told me "you have been date raped". I kept it to myself, to embarrassed to say anything. Anyway, after some time, I confided in one of my best friends, she told everyone I accused so and so of rape, blah blah blah, she called me a liar in front of some people in school THEN she started to Date him! It was like a slap across my face, I will never forget the way I felt. It has been almost 10 years and I still have a hard time with it...I wish I spoke up the right people and not felt "dirty" and "disgusting" for what HE did to me.

  Thanks for listening

  Garnet
• 

  Scully

  ((((((((( Garnet )))))))

  Love, Scully
• 

  Garnet

  Thanks Skully (((Skully))) Right back at ya ;) I feel for anyone who has been through something like that - for a long time I truly thought that maybe I was making a false accusation, never thought that someone could be raped by a significant other esp. when it doesnt start off violent.

  I think it is truly sad when anyone feels that it's "their fault" when something like that happens - not only have they been violated physically and emotionally, but on top of it - The Guilt of thinking it's their fault and it could have been prevented. It is a horrible crime and it isn't often spoken of - a lot of people don't really know what it consists of...I was one of those people - until recently.

  Again, thanks much for the hug, we all need one somtime :)

  Can anyone tell me why my smileys arent working :( It's utterly depressing when I cannot make cute smiley faces

  Garnet
• 

  Lady Lee

  (((Garnet )))

  I too didn't realize what had happened until one day I was reading about date rape regarding someone else. Then it finally dawned on me that is exactly what happened. In my case I wound up telling the elders and they of course didn't believe me. Talk about making someone feel guilty.

  And it wasn't until I was out of my marriage for a couple of years before I realized that I had been sexually abused there too.

  We just didn't have the words or terms to describe these things back then (almost 20 years ago for me). I was taught that a man has rights and it is a woman's duty to provide. And because of my incest I started getting that message before puberty.

  But not having the words for it doesn't lessen the pain and hurt or guilt and shame.

  Glad if this helped open a door for some to know they are not alone as well as provide some useful information to those who need it