Date Rape - What is it? WARNING some graphic details

by Lady Lee 89 Replies latest members adult

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  Lady Lee

  Mav

  it is always smarter to ask than to ignore. I'm sure your daughter loves you for your concern

  frenchbabyface

  sorry I did not read all of the thread. I felt pretty ill after just the first page. Yes we need to be aware and prepared. But sadly rape happens to women and men of all ages. I believe the youngest case is 3 months and the oldest is a woman in her 90s. Regardless of what attitude we take sometimes a rapist's intent is to get what he wants. And since many have greater strength on their side the potential target often has little chance to protect themselves

  Good self defence dourses can help, especially if it is tailored for those who have been previously assaulted. I highly recommend them
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  Big Tex

  Cognitively I understand how and why date rape occurs, but on a gut level I can't conceive of the place a man must be mentally and emotionally to do that to a woman. I could not enjoy sex if it were forced, and I'm damn sure the woman wouldn't either.

  I'm paying very close attention to this thread and the other, as Jennie will be 10 in October. I want her to be as prepared as possible, and I intend on scaring the *!! of any boy who comes sniffing around.
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  Lady Lee

  Well BT it seems rf has given us an excellent example of how they think and what we need to look out for.

  You might want to look at this thread too

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/57915/1.ashx

  It boils down to a lack of respect for others and an attitude of male privilege - both things to teach your daughter to look out for and avoid.
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  Big Tex

  Yeah I read that and the original thread as well. All I'll say is, I'm not surprised.

  Okay, I'm going to make a broad generalization here which is always dangerous but I want to say it anyway. I think the mistake a lot of guys (not all, but a lot) make is that they assume a woman feels about sex the way a man does. By that I mean most guys, especially in our teens and 20s, can have sex anywhere at any time for any reason with very little emotion attached to it. It's an act and that's it. I think most guys think women, deep down, feel the same way. And that when a woman says NO, she doesn't really mean it, or she's just being shy, etc. etc. Then of course, there are other guys who just don't give a damn either way.

  From what I'm observed and experienced, a woman approaches sex from an entirely different angle than a man. It seems to me that there is a deep emotional aspect to sex for a woman that many men don't appreciate until much later (if at all) in the relationship. It seems to me that when a woman makes the decision willingly, yes there is the physical part of it for her, but it also seems to be a symbol of her love, her commitment to the relationship. Many guys don't think like that, and are not aware of what, and how the woman is thinking and feeling. Of course if the guy shut up and listened to her once in a while, maybe he could catch a clue.

  I think it's a mistake for anyone to assume that "well I feel this way, so therefore so does everyone else", and I think that attitude is one of the biggest gulfs between men and women.
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  Lady Lee

  I agree with what you say BT about the different perspectives.

  I am however a little concerned about a growing trend though. Many women have decided that sex is recreational and are assuming the same belief that men have - sex is not about emotional attachment.

  I think there are a couple of dangers in this change.

  Firstly I think it confuses men. It gives them the idea that all women really think this way and that we are trying to fool themselves or the men. The old notion that a woman must protect her virginity and therefore protest demurely comes to mind here. And this is what rf may have in the back of his mind. But since the sexual revolution this doesn't really apply (well unless you happen to live in a place or believe in virginity and its value). I think few people expect 20+ yr olds to be virgins anymore.

  Secondly I think that it is wrong for women to fall into this belief - for themselves. Yes sex can and should be fun. And women are very capable of fully enjoying sex with any partner of their choosing. But I suspect this may simply be a way for women to claim some power in what for centuries has been a male dominated arena. If we now have the power to choose when and with whom then maybe we are less likely to be victims.

  But I think we, both males and females, do ourselves a disfavor when we separate sex and emotion. Men might be capable of any time any where with anyone. Well so are women although we may need a little priming. Then again some women are very capable of priming themselves

  But sex with emotion is so much more intense and so much more rewarding. I won't settle for less now.

  As for rf's contention that once agreed upon before the face to face meeting - heck what if you see each other the on-line chemistry fizzles for one. Should a decision made before meeting be enforced? To do so is rape. To ignore emotional reactions and feelings is a disservice to ourselves and the person we are with.

  And in case anyone is thinking I've should knock what I haven't tried - well I have and have found the cost of impersonal sex greater than any momentary reward. Maybe that is just me but I doubt it.
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  teejay

  Rape is wrong. Rapists should be put to death, and if I feel that's been done to my daughter I'd have no problem taking the law into my own hands. Period. Now that THAT is outta the way...
  
  I don't mean to come across as pc-incorrect, but what if she says "no" but at the same time is giving signals of interest -- anywhere from slightly to majorly interested.
  
  I've had conversations with real-live womenz (including my three sisters) on this very issue who have said that the adage "no means no" isn't always universally true everywhere all the time forever. I thanked them for their honesty. Several have gone on to relate that there were times when "no" really didn't mean "no" and both she and the he in question knew it. technically it could be said that he raped her--she DID say no--but it wasn't really rape since she was more than willing before all was said and done.
  
  All I intend to do is teach my daughter to be responsible and not play games. I will try to get across to her that "no" is a lot more believable when she's also not batting her eyes at him or acting in ways that give him the wrong idea. I don't know how I'll teach her to say "no" and mean "no" everytime, all the time, everywhere, forever. That's not real life.
  
  After hearing/feeling/seeing/sensing "yes" all evening, it's pretty hard to believe "no" after the third or fourth stroke... if you catch my drift.
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  berylblue

  I can't find the OP. Help, please.
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  teenyuck

  This topic and the resulting guilt trips for women has come up in many different threads the last few months.

  Thank you Lee for presenting the facts.

  No always means NO.

  Tina
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  Lady Lee

  tj I agree with you

  Women need to learn to to say "no" and mean it and not use "No" to mean "maybe" or "yes just convince me."

  Men have gone to jail because of these mixed messages.

  And men need to clarify "Does that NO mean NO?" It is an easy question to ask and if he hears it he needs to stop. And if she can't be clear he needs to get his *ss out of there for his own sake.

  All the more reason to wait until you know the person before you start anything you might not be able to finish
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  Lady Lee

  Beryl you mean the old post? as in Frannie's thread that got locked? it is here

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/15/57868/1.ashx

  You might want to look at this one too

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/57915/1.ashx