Date Rape - What is it? WARNING some graphic details

by Lady Lee 89 Replies latest members adult

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Based on several posts made in another thread I did some research. Here are my findings.

    (BOLD within a paragraph is my emphasis)

    What is dating violence?

    Dating violence is any intentional sexual, physical or psychological attack on one partner by the other in a dating relationship. This definition reflects the belief that all forms of abuse are harmful and worth taking seriously. A wide range of harmful acts can occur in dating relationships that go beyond what people traditionally think of as "serious" abuse, that is, physical or sexual violence. Although both men and women may act abusively, the abuse of women by men is more pervasive and usually more severe.

    Dating violence is more likely to happen when the aggressor has been drinking. This often leads people to blame alcohol for the problem. In fact, abusers themselves use alcohol as an excuse for being violent.

    Sexual abuse includes unwanted sexual touching, using force or pressure to get a partner to consent to sexual activity, rape and attempted rape, and attempting or having intercourse with a person who is under the influence of alcohol or drugs. These kinds of abuse are more often directed at women. While all these acts are damaging emotionally, they vary in the extent to which they result in physical injury

    http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hppb/familyviolence/html/femdatfreq_e.html

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Sexual Abuse

    This involves pressuring or forcing you to do sexual things that you don't want to do. Even if they have not physically forced you to have sex with them, if they tried to manipulate you or coerce you into having sex when you didn't want to (like if they say 'you'd do it if you really loved me' or 'you're frigid'), this is still sexual abuse. It is also sexual assault if you have been drinking or taking drugs or if you were asleep or unconscious and you were not aware of what was happening. Rape and other forms of sexual assault are criminal offences.

    http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/infospace.htm

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Having a good relationship doesn't mean you have to have sex. But whatever you do, whether it's kissing, touching or having sex, it should always be something that you both want to do.

    Sex is meant to be:

    • something you decide to do whn you're ready to
    • something that makes you both feel good
    • something you can interrupt or stop at any time
    • safe (because you're both prepared with condoms to portect you from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy)

      • Sex isn't meant to be:
      • the only way to prove that you love someone
      • something you feel pressured or forced into
      • something you do because 'everyone else is doing it'
      • something that makes you feel used.

        • Remember, if you've been kissing or touching but don't want to go any further, that's ok. Kissing is not a contract.

        Trust and communication

        The most important thing in a sexual relationship is that you trust the other person and you feel like you can communicate with them.

        Sex and Pressure

        "I kept on pushing his hands away but he just put them back there, then I just froze, I couldn't say anything, it was horrible".

        What if someone has touched you or made you touch them in a sexual way, and you felt like you had no choice?

        You might have

        • felt scared to say no

        felt pressured into having sex, because they made you think that if you didn't, they'd break up with you, or they wouldn't like you

      • been asleep or drunk and didn't really know what was going on
      • been forced into sexual contact

        • No-one should force you into any type of sexual contact. In fact, this is sexual assault, and it is a crime that can be reported to the police.

        Remember, they have done the wrong thing, not you. It can help to talk to someone about it.

        http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/sexandtrust.htm

    • Lady Lee
      Lady Lee

      VII. Who Commits Acquaintance Rape?

      Just as with the victim, it is not possible to clearly identify individual men who will be participants in acquaintance rape. As a body of research begins to accumulate, however, there are certain characteristics which increase the risk factors. Acquaintance rape is not typically committed by psychopaths who are deviant from mainstream society. It is often expressed that direct and indirect messages given to boys and young men by our culture about what it means to male (dominant, aggressive, uncompromising) contribute to creating a mindset which is accepting of sexually aggressive behavior. Such messages are constantly sent via television and film when sex is portrayed as a commodity whose attainment is the ultimate male challenge. Notice how such beliefs are found within the vernacular of sex: "I'm going to make it with her," "Tonight's the night I'm going to score," "She's never had anything like this before," "What a piece of meat," "She's afraid to give it up."

      http://www.aaets.org/arts/art13.htm

    • Lady Lee
      Lady Lee

      Healthy relationship involve respect - including respect for the other person's feelings. If a date, friend, or boyfriend is pressuring a girl to be more intimate than she wants to be, that's not a healthy relationship. Sex is not something that one person owes to another. Someone who really cares will respect a girl's wishes and not apply force or pressure about sex.

      http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/date_rape.html

    • Lady Lee
      Lady Lee
      Protecting Yourself Against Date Rape

      The best defense against date rape is to try to prevent it whenever possible. A girl can help to protect herself from possible date rape by:

      • Avoiding secluded places (even his room or hers) with someone until she knows him well and he has earned her trust.
      • Not spending time alone with someone who makes her feel uneasy or uncomfortable. This means following her instincts and removing herself from situations that she doesn't feel good about.
      • Learning to say "no" in a definite way. Girls should say it clearly when they need to, and guys should understand that "no" means "no" - it is not an invitation to try to persuade someone to have sex.

      http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/date_rape_p2.html

    • Lady Lee
      Lady Lee

      The National College Women Sexual Victimization (NCWSV) study, a 1996 survey of 4,446 women sponsored by the U.S. Department of Justice, defines rape as follows:

      Forced sexual intercourse including both psychological coercion as well as physical force. Forced sexual intercourse means vaginal, anal, or oral penetration by the offender(s). This category also includes incidents where the penetration is from a foreign object such as a bottle. Includes attempted rapes, male as well as female victims, and both heterosexual and homosexual rape. Attempted rape includes verbal threats of rape.

      http://www.edc.org/hec/pubs/factsheets/fact_sheet1.html

    • Maverick
      Maverick

      There have been a number of topics here lately that have brought out the lack of understanding and general insensitivity to the seriousness of this. And in all fairness and honesty, my being a Father to a very beautiful young lady has driven this home to me! I was married for 15 years and just did not pay a lot of attention to this sort of thing. Now that I'm single, raising a daughter alone, and meeting many of her friends I see how cautious they have to be. Also being a short guy, I guess I would never even think about using my physical size to force someone into something they would not want. Those things said, it is good to make people aware of this problem. Maverick

    • nilfun
      nilfun

      Yep. "No" means "no".

    • joannadandy
      joannadandy

      Lady Lee, thank you for posting this!!

      I didn't see the other thread until tonight--and looked at it after it had been locked. It's probably a good thing it was locked because I would have gone bananas!

      Having been through a date rape, and talking to other women who have, it's far more likely to happen than stranger rape, and needs to be taken seriously. The shame and guilt of what happens is traumatic to say the least. (Not to say that other types of rape aren't as bad) but when it's someone you had feelings for, someone you thought you could trust, someone who you NEVER saw this coming from it shakes your confidence to the core.

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