Topics Started by zanex
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6
funny coincidence
by zanex inahhh as the dreaded holiday nisan 14 swiftly approaches i chuckle as it also nears my birthday which happens to fall on the 12th of april...ahhh feels great sharing my most unjw of holidays with the most jw of their holidays...lol.
i think back to all those years of going to that stupid meeting and laugh now...wonder if i should find a kingdom hall, walk in quietly and kind of undercover and when it comes time to sing their "melodies' break into a loud rousing chorus of happy birthday to me!
that would be classic...sigh.
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14
Hypothetical situation...
by zanex insuppose for one minute that a disfellowshipped son that has been df'd for over 10 years and gone through al of the stages of emotional and mental departure that one goes through when leaving the agency..erg...society.
now that df'd son's father is an elder and his mother is the standard female figure within a jw marriage and neither one of them had any meaningful contact with their son for a long long time.
now this son has already given up on them long ago but now there have been some indications that things are changing...the father stepped down as an elder...the son heard that there were "spiritual issues" with them...and all of a sudden there have been emails from the parents as if they still consider themselves parents...eventhough the son has already more than moved on.
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2
Letting it all...
by zanex ingo.... we never want to hear mom say, "no" .
we never want to see dad shake his head.
the wish to feel the love not sent from above.
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15
30...who woulda thunk it
by zanex inwell i did it...i actually made it to age 30. today, april 12th 1975 i was born and i am still trying to full comprehed the feeling that comes along with it.
my office threw me a party and i am having another one on fri, more the drunken type of gathering.
it is a good week but a part of me will never fully be able to comprehend the simple feeling of "birthday" lol..anyhow..i'm still alive!
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5
vivid memory with confusing contradiction...
by zanex ini had a very clear dream the other night and it continues to play itself out in my mind again and again...i can recall with sharp clarity years ago when i was 12 and very much impressed with my father...he turned to me and said something i will never forget...i had asked him what he wanted...just in general and he told me that he wanted "more" he was not real clear as to what the "more" was and at the time i didnt understand but now, pushing 30, i know what he meant by that.
at the same time tho he is a jw elder and locked into a box that will never allow him to achieve the ultimate fruition of what he wants.
as a member of that org the one thing that has always set him apart as a person is the one thing that he will never be allowed to cultivate...the desire to learn more and to be set apart by that study and wisdom is something that he has always thrived on so it seems rather odd to me that he would do something so contradictory to who he is as a person...lol.
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6
"Pushing 30"
by zanex inonly a few more months to go and i will cross over into the 30 and over club.
there are some things i have learned along the way...the jws will never go away....the confusion of being an xjw never goes away...parenting is so much different without the jw component...sometimes my 3 yr old daughter is the wisest person i know, as childish as that sounds...xmas starts to finally make sense, through her eyes...birthdays finally start to have meaning with each new year adding onto the experience of the year before.... i also have finally gleamed something rather painful as well...i will never really have my parents back as the way it used to be.
i think that i have finally come to more of a grip with that.
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3
Fathers Day
by zanex init was fathers day yesterday...i had an awesome day with my daughter and non jw xlaws.
i had an awesome time.
it is why it is so hard to accept that my own father would never want me to recognize him on just one day of the year.
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5
it was my
by zanex inbirthday on monday the 12th and i was home sick but still got a visit from my daughter and xwife (who is still a good friend of mine).
i have had now 3 of these bdays...and am not sure if i am feelin it or not...i think i do..it feels good, a warm feeling when my 3 year old daughter flings her arms around my neck and says happy bday daddy...it also hurts too..am having a bday party this weekend with my roommate and friends at my place and will probably be thrashed but i still dont know if i am ever going to totally "get it".
it has been a while since i posted here but it seems the only real place that other people understand the "emptiness" as i call it.
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More -Z- poetry...
by zanex inwhy do i have to understand?.
why cant those fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers.
father, elder, which are you?.
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3
access at home!
by zanex ini finally got myself a computer at home!
now i have access to the net anytime i want basically!
it is slow cuz only have dial up but its somting anyway.