TOTC-Take off YOUR crown. If my children can appreciate satire at such a young age and it helps them see the ridiculousness of what they have been taught, then I'd say I've done a few things right.
dissonance_resolved
JoinedPosts by dissonance_resolved
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40
Crazyguy is going batshit crazy a Rant
by Crazyguy inyesterday some jw's came over to my house and were even being nice to me, most of the time if they do come by an elder or ms may say something but the others will not, its even hard for them to say just hello (how pathetic).
( they also do this behind my back as if i don't know).
i now realize by not being their i've handed my kids right over to them!.
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40
Crazyguy is going batshit crazy a Rant
by Crazyguy inyesterday some jw's came over to my house and were even being nice to me, most of the time if they do come by an elder or ms may say something but the others will not, its even hard for them to say just hello (how pathetic).
( they also do this behind my back as if i don't know).
i now realize by not being their i've handed my kids right over to them!.
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dissonance_resolved
I was able to get both of my kids out, despite my husband being all in and continuing to take them to meetings and trying to indoctrinate them. It took two years and constant effort, as in every single day.
What worked for me was to find out what "their" issues or pet peeves were and then validate those feelings over and over. Trying to prove evolution or things like that was just over their heads and didn't matter to them, so that approach didn't work.
With my daughter, she thought that the meetings were boring, so even though she had to go with her dad, I validated her feelings. If she came home, I'd ask what the most boring part was and how many times she fell asleep. If they didn't go for some reason, we'd do a little victory dance and then go do something fun instead. She gradually would look for reasons not to go. She's also very social and wanted to keep her friends at school despite being told constantly that they were bad association. So I tried to find ways for her to do fun things with her friends and then we'd talk about whether her JW friends were really "better" than her school friends. I also pointed out what happened to my JW friends when I stopped going to meetings (never heard from them again) and how her school friends would never do that kind of thing just because she had different beliefs. Validating her in these ways led her to be able to trust her other feelings about what she was being taught and she came to her own decision at age 11 that she never wanted to be a JW.
My son had different issues- he really wanted to celebrate holidays and birthdays and didn't understand or "buy" the JW explanation. Of course, we couldn't openly celebrate anything because his dad wouldn't allow it in the home, but I would talk to him about what it would be like if we could, I.e. What would he want to do for his birthday party and who would he invite? How would we decorate our first Christmas tree? What would he dress up as for Halloween? We joked about which one of his friends we'd have to behead at his birthday party because that's what the bible says happens. It took much longer with him- about two years- before he finally opened up and said that he had never wanted to be a JW and that he wanted me to help him find a way out.
Unfortunately, the only way out was for my husband and I to separate, which has been difficult for all of us, but the kids are now able to focus on making their dreams a reality and we're going to have really wonderful year of "firsts," including my son's first birthday party at which he recently had a blast with his friends.
So, I guess I'm recommending meeting them on their level, letting them go at their own pace and constantly validating their feelings so that they know they can come to you without judgment. It was worth the long battle!
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As a Matter of Conscience, I Am Resigning from the Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses
by Sail Away inafter listening to the hearings of the australian royal commission into institutional responses to child sexual abuse, i am no longer content to have simply walked away from the organization.
as a matter of conscience, i do not want my name linked with the organization in any way.
i know this letter has been posted previously, and i thank the author.
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dissonance_resolved
Good for you! Being completely free sounds fantastic- keep us posted how it goes. -
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Health care proxy
by dissonance_resolved ini wanted to get some input on how to handle the health proxy issue going forward.
i'm a fader, inactive now for about two years.
my husband and family are all still in.
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dissonance_resolved
I wanted to get some input on how to handle the health proxy issue going forward. I'm a fader, inactive now for about two years. My husband and family are all still in. I recently went to the doctor for a physical and they asked for an updated proxy form. I know my husband and family would fight to let me die if I ever needed a blood transfusion, so how do I handle the proxy? I would want my husband to make any other major decisions related to my health care, but if I put a clause in the proxy that I would allow transfusions above my family's objections, then he would see it when signing and that would open up the possibility of DF. I really don't want to make some other non-JW my proxy just because of the blood issue. Has anyone else experienced this or figured out a way to handle?
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That's what's missing from our family
by dissonance_resolved intonight as i was putting my son to bed, we were looking out his bedroom window from his bed, down upon the neighbors' house across the street.
they have a beautiful, big sparkly christmas tree in their front window and my son gazed at it and said, "that's what's missing from our family.
" talk about daggers through the heart!.
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dissonance_resolved
Stuckinarut2- waking up has taken a toll on our relationship. We weren't great at communicating before and now every little thing has the potential to blow up into something much bigger. We've tried counseling and may continue to do so. I was raised in and baptized as a teenager- if anything, I was more gung-ho than my husband up until I woke up. Now I think he still feels like the rug has been pulled out from under him.
SecretHeart, happy@last and Daniel- thanks for the suggestions. I have put up some other "winter" decorations and we give the kids gifts every year on our wedding anniversary, but it doesnt make this time of year any easier. It's all they hear about from their friends at school and now that they are having more playdates at friends' houses, they see how different we are.
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That's what's missing from our family
by dissonance_resolved intonight as i was putting my son to bed, we were looking out his bedroom window from his bed, down upon the neighbors' house across the street.
they have a beautiful, big sparkly christmas tree in their front window and my son gazed at it and said, "that's what's missing from our family.
" talk about daggers through the heart!.
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dissonance_resolved
That's a good point DD- I haven't raised the topic with him but may plan to do so. Have to time it so he doesn't feel like I'm all-out apostate on him.
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That's what's missing from our family
by dissonance_resolved intonight as i was putting my son to bed, we were looking out his bedroom window from his bed, down upon the neighbors' house across the street.
they have a beautiful, big sparkly christmas tree in their front window and my son gazed at it and said, "that's what's missing from our family.
" talk about daggers through the heart!.
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dissonance_resolved
Tonight as I was putting my son to bed, we were looking out his bedroom window from his bed, down upon the neighbors' house across the street. They have a beautiful, big sparkly Christmas tree in their front window and my son gazed at it and said, "That's what's missing from our family." Talk about daggers through the heart!
I've been fading for two years, but my husband is still all in and trying to take the kids in tow. I finally worked up the courage to ask him if I could have a tree this year, but it was an unequivocal "no." Not surprising, I don't know what I was thinking.
The hard part is that both of my kids are awake and know that it's all a bunch of hogwash, but they're quite young (preteens) and I continue to tell them that their father has a right to teach them about his religion and they have to show respect to him. I also have a right to teach them critical thinking skills and continue to do that at every opportunity. It looks like my efforts have been working.
Just not sure what to do about the holiday thing- both kids really want to celebrate their birthdays and holidays but if it means breaking up our family? Everything else is tolerable- my husband doesn't give me a hard time about my fading and we just don't talk ahout religion. I continue to try to drop hints and questions here and there to try to get him to wake up but who knows if it will ever work.
It's just so frustrating to see my kids in the middle of all of this. But would being able to have holidays and birthdays be worth it if it meant we had to split up our family? I keep coming to the answer no, but it's hard to watch my kids suffer in the meantime.
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How did your family react when you made it known that you did not want to be a JW anymore?
by Yondaime inplease share your experiences..
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dissonance_resolved
I had a careful slow fade over 1.5 years. I didn't say anything and stayed under the radar. No visits from elders or any drama. There was still a point at which my family realized, "hey, she's NOT just sick/tired/depressed/busy/working/traveling/dealing with a clogged drain/alarm didn't go off, etc., but she's really not going to the meetings at all!". They started to pressure me but I refused to discuss anything, which is the ONLY way it can be. So I'm not shunned completely- I have a tenuous relationship with my mom and hear from one of my siblings occasionally. Never had much of a relationship with dad and other sibling anyway. If I didn't have a hubby and kids, the fade would have been perfect and liveable.
However, hubby and kids are the bigger issue- hubby is respecting my difference of opinion as long as I maintain the JW lifestyle, but that may not last as I am contemplating setting up an altar to Satan this year, ahem, I mean a Xmas tree, so that may be the lightening rod that blows up our marriage.
Best advice gleaned from this forum- never show your cards to any JW. There's nothing to be gained, and everything to lose.
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Inactive ones are bloodguilty?
by dissonance_resolved ini've been thinking about brother morris' statement at the zone meeting this past weekend that inactive ones are bloodguilty.
bloodguilt is defined as "guilty of murder or manslaughter.
" murder is #1 on the list of disfellowshipping offenses- all they would have to do is change the wording from "murder" to "bloodguilt" and suddenly there you have grounds to disfellowship anyone who's inactive.
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dissonance_resolved
I've been thinking about Brother Morris' statement at the zone meeting this past weekend that inactive ones are bloodguilty. Bloodguilt is defined as "guilty of murder or manslaughter." Murder is #1 on the list of disfellowshipping offenses- all they would have to do is change the wording from "murder" to "bloodguilt" and suddenly there you have grounds to disfellowship anyone who's inactive. It also has that sneaky, "nothing's changed, this is what we've always said" ring to it.
Could this be how they plan to thin the ranks of faders?
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The Atheist's Book of Bible Stories
by RunningMan inover the years, i have posted all of the chapters from my atheist's book of bible stories on this site.. however, since the original posting, many of the chapters have been polished and updated.. the complete book is now available for downloading, if anyone is interested: http://www.sendspace.com/file/qwpjol.
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dissonance_resolved
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