OverlappingGeneralizations

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Posts by OverlappingGeneralizations

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  26

  JW.org Caption Competition

  by pale.emperor in

  1. social
  2. humour

  your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to go onto jw.org.

  take one of their pics from any publication and add your own speech bubbles or caption.. here's mine.

  picture taken from the watchtower feb 2017.. .

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  
  
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  26

  JW.org Caption Competition

  by pale.emperor in

  1. social
  2. humour

  your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to go onto jw.org.

  take one of their pics from any publication and add your own speech bubbles or caption.. here's mine.

  picture taken from the watchtower feb 2017.. .

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  
  
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  23

  How many times jehovah is said in a prayer

  by Normalfulla in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  so there was this particular elder in my hall who when giving a prayer would say "jehovah" waaaay to much it was ridiculous, we ended up having a count every time he gave prayer, most of the time it was 15-18 but once he topped 20, if u say it out loud 20 times you'll see how weird it is, like when do you ever in a conversation say someone's name that many times in 2 or so minutes,!

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  I got so used to the standard, overly-wordy opening and closing:

  "Dear gracious, merciful, kind, heavenly father Jehovah, we would like to approach your throne of undeserved kindness at this time as humble servants..."

  "...and we say all of this, (dramatic pause...) in the name of your dear son, our ransomer and king, Jesus Christ, amen"

  Funny you should mention a brother not saying "amen". There is one brother who gives prayers and never says amen. He just grumbles into the mic at the end. "In Jesus name, mmmphmm". You see everybody slowly lifting their heads, looking left and right, thinking "Was that it? Are we done?"
  
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  26

  Did anyone else go to this weeks midweek meeting?

  by NikL in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  in the congregation bible study, the book addressed how "truth" is progressive.... 18 just as jehovah progressively revealed truths about the kingdom in the period leading up to 1914, he continues to do so during the time of the end.

  as chapters 4 and 5 of this book will show, over the past 100 years, god’s people have had to adjust their understanding on a number of occasions.

  does that fact mean that they do not have jehovah’s backing?

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  Sometimes I think the paragraph could say "we don't know anything, don't provide anything, but we demand obedience and donations", and the conductor would just gloss right over it:

  "Now, the governing body says there are two things they don't do, and two things they require, I'd like to get 4 answers here... Young brother Jones?"

  "They... don't... know... anything?"

  "Right! And sister Smith?"

  "The paragraph says they don't provide anything, this could mean counseling, disaster relief, or protection. They don't provide any of those things"

  "Thank you sister Smith, and I see your baby has his hand up!"

  "JEHOVAH!!!!" (microphone feedback)

  (Crowd) "Awwww!"

  "Now, what does the governing body require? Sister Rodriguez?"

  "Although they don't know anything or provide anything, and they are consistently wrong, they still require donations and obedience"

  "Right, lets move along to paragraph 20..."

  ...And NOBODY would notice. I don't think people pay attention when they read, I don't think they even know what they are commenting, and they are not paying attention at all. I sit in the back and look around, and out of nearly 175 people, maybe 10 are the constant commenters. The rest nod off, doodle on their phones, talk and giggle, etc. I would even be so bold as to say out of those 10 constant commenters, 3 of them use their own words. The rest just read what the yellow marker dictates. Oh, and the ones that use their own words are batshit crazy, with kool-aid leaking from the corners of their mouths.
  

  If you are waiting for somebody to go "ahh-haa! that's bullshit!" it's not gonna happen. The "study" format has become almost hypnotic over the years. Sit down, stare at your book, let your eyes roll over the words gently until you are jarred awake by the end-of-the-meeting song.
  
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  42

  Learn To Speak Like A Jehovah's Witness

  by pale.emperor in

  1. social
  2. humour

  for those who were never a jw, here's a fun guide to passing yourself as one:.

  privilege [priv-lij] - a duty nobody would volunteer to do which is assigned to you without your say so.

  such as cleaning the toilets, picking up other brats candy wrappers in the back row and being stuck on locking up duty for the 7th time in a row.. df'd [dee-eff'd] - disfellowshipped.

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  "Yes friends..."

  Something you say right before the last sentence in a public discourse. Bonus points if that last sentence incorporates the title of the talk.

  "Special (week/month) of activity"

  A set of circumstances has occurred that should prod the guilt-laden laity into activity. Either a campaign* has begun, the CO is visiting, it's Memorial Season*, whatever. More is expected of you. Get out there and bleat on the streets, you sheep.

  
  

  Campaign

  Oh no, not a presidential campaign where empty promises are made. This is a drive to deliver special pamphlets where empty promises are made. Hurry, you'll only have a month to hand them out! Don't you want to be a part of it? Ahh, nevermind. There were so many left over, we'll leave them at not-at-homes during the following months. Because, after all, "the truth never expires". Unless it is deemed incorrect, See Nu-Lite from previous posts.

  Memorial Season

  Kinda like Christmas season, but for dubbies. They sorta think about Jesus, but mostly think about sitting in a room for an hour, passing wine around and not drinking it, like a celestial designated driver. This is a special time where "worldly" people are invited to the meeting to see what they are missing. And a dead-silet, awkward passing of the emblems* is sure to make them queue up at the door for the next meeting. This is also a time where dubbies look forward to seeing all the people who "call themselves witnesses but only show up at the memorial". Look around, remember their faces, then talk about them when you go get ice cream after the memorial. Talk about how you wish they'd wake up (come back to the meeting), all the while secretly envying their freedom.
  

  Emblems

  Those things on the trunk of your car right? Nope. These are the bread and wine, prepared under the careful watch and sanitary conditions of the local cat-hoarder. Still want to "partake"?
  
  

  Hospitality

  "Who has hospitality this week" might be a confusing sentence to some. But not to the indigenous JW. He knows just what that means. He begins to think about who is assigned to pretend to know the Sunday speaker well enough to treat him to a meal. "Hi brother.... Jones, is it? Well, we have a fine $4 buffet up the street, and I have been saving my window-washing money for 6 months just so I can take you, your wife, her mother, your brother, his bible study, and your 9 children out to eat. What do you say? Do you have time for some fine christian association this afternoon?" ... "Oh, your wife is on a diet and can only eat steak, and you'd rather go to the $60-a-plate steakhouse? Why, sure! I think there's a Payday Loan place along the way..."

  "The last assembly we'll ever have"

  Otherwise known as "every assembly". See also "The best assembly ever", "The most encouraging assembly ever" and "The assembly where you better bring kleenex"

  Attendant

  This one is almost intuitive, but not quite. It's kinda like an usher, armed only with the power of suggestion. The attendant can lead you to an available seat, but you can just sit wherever you want and he's not allowed to do anything about it.

  Designated Convention Parking

  Look at a map of the convention area. See those parking garages conveniently located adjacent to the convention site? Don't be silly, those cost money. The branch has lovingly reserved free, pothole-ridden parking lots within walking distance of the venue. And by walking distance, I mean 6 streets west, 5 streets north. That is, if you get there in a timely fashion. If you are one minute late, all the attendants will be inside "enjoying the program", and there will be much gnashing of teeth on your behalf. Never let that happen friends! Oh, and we need volunteers to go up a day early and pull weeds. Can you make yourselves available? Show of hands? Brother, can you get the count? And now your chairman.
  
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  Social Experiment - Most People Are Sheep

  by AnonVet in

  1. social
  2. current

  i'm not sure which forum category this belongs in, so sorry if categorized improperly.. so applicable to the cult:.

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mehsk71gucq.

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  I don't think that would work with JWs. They are used to not participating in things. They would probably leave the room, and later regale the tale in a convention interview about the time "a whole room full of people was under a satanic trance", and how their refusal to go along with the crowd saved them from the involuntary blood transfusions taking place in the next room.
  
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  How to tie your neck tie

  by darkspilver in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so that's how you do it..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxe50gnl4nc.

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  Pokemon, Star Wars, Beavis and Butthead... "I would like to see you in the library please..."
  
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  24

  Those formula prayers. I want to scream

  by stillin in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  when the co is visiting, i think i hear "thank you , jehovah, for this special week of activity" until i want to vomit.. also "jehovah, please remember those sick and afflicted.

  we pray that they can make a recovery and be back with us.".

  stale, canned, institutionalized garble.

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  I always thought public prayers were a waste of time. If my brother calls my father on the phone, and I stand there listening to them, but right before he hangs up I grab the phone and say "me too!", would my father really think I was part of that conversation? No? Well then why would God think that I am praying when I am just standing there listening to another guy pray?

  Normally I would just say my own prayer in my head and completely ignore the public prayer. Or, just completely ignore the prayer without praying. Either way, I found it to be useless.
  

  I hate prayer fluff too. "We know we're living in the last days..." "We know we sin and fall short many times..." "We know this old system of things will soon be over..." on and on. One time, a prayer was going on and on, a young boy in the audience yelled "AMEN!!" and started crying. I felt the same way, lol.
  
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  LEGO Makes Jehovah's Witness Publisher & Trolley Toys!

  by PokerPlayerPhil in

  1. forum
  2. links

  https://www.pinterest.com/pin/231020655862211703/.

  i am taking orders for the limited collection that's guaranteed to bring you lots of enjoyment while you borrow your child's other toys pretending their your return visits.

  if you missed out on the "gold girls" lego sets being sold after facebook and twitter made lego see the gold your in luck because the watchtower has assured the manufacture your going to sign a monthly pledge stating you can afford $7.77 for eight months.

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  Does that come with the Basement Bunker Playset?
  
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  57

  Got my JC cancelled... (at least for now)

  by Sanchy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so my wife and i have been in the process of fading for a few months now as per my original post here.

  about a week ago, i was browsing some ex-jw facebook groups when i saw a post that linked to the crisis of conscience book.

  i said "f@(k it" and hit share on it.. a few hours later, i get a long text letter from my mom (who was a fb friend of mine) telling me the typical "good luck finding friends in the world" and how we have "nothing in common anymore"; basically, it was a 'farewell' text.

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  OverlappingGeneralizations

  What if one of the brothers says "I admonish you". Then the other brother says "I admonish you". Then a third brother enters the room, and says "now we can begin your Judicial Meeting". Hey, they admonished you twice!