Posts by jaysong

5

Ah, the WatchTower...(rant)

by xyzzy in

please forgive me if this post doesn't seem logical to you.

i'm just letting myself go.. my mom was baptised into the wtc when i was two years old.

i grew up in the witnesses.

Boy do I know how you feel. As do most people here. I've been out for 15 years (am 39 now), and I STILL go through periods where I feel isolated and lonely---but I know it's just that ol' dub isolation, that superimposed "staying away from the world" crap they put on us as teenagers.

Do you have anyone outside that understands what you've gone through? If not, try therapy, try finding a support group for former cult members, try the university, try a book group,.. It's not as easy as when you were a dub because the world is diverse and we don't all speak that ridiculous drone hey call "unity" which is actually just conditional acceptance...but there are thousands of very cool, very understanding, very friendly people out here just waiting. It just takes some effort on your part.

Whatever you do, GET BUSY. Don't let the dub brain-programming use isolation to get you to think that somehow god is punishing you for what you've done....NOTHING COULD BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH...on the contrary, "the world is your oyster" now, so go get it!

Jay

19

My Story

by SmokeEater in

i've been going back and forth between this board and other exjw boards, and decided it's time to put my story out.

i think it's theraputic in a way.... well a little background.

my father is black, and my mother native american (this is important down the road).

jaysong

SmokeEater,

Thanks for sharing your story. We understand, and we've lived it too.

You have an incredible heritage---explore it. My ex-elder Dad married a Navajo woman and I have two beautiful little sisters that dance on occasion at powwows. When I was a nineteen year old pioneer in Gallup, New Mexico, I often marveled at the peace and serenity I felt in the magical places around Canyon de Chelly or Window Rock....and the closeness of the Native American people to that serenity...

Best wishes in your journey, my friend.

Jaysong

13

My horrible encounter with the JC machine

by jesussaves in

i'm new here, allow me to introduce myself.

i am a 27 year old married mother of three.

i was also a third generation jw.

jaysong

JS,
Thanks for sharing your story....it brings back some truly horrible memories, fifteen years past, of confessing (BAD MOVE as you said) to heavy petting with my then-fiancee and the interrogation and our subsequent dfing...all the while my siblings were fornicating and just not telling anyone and getting by just fine...

Glad you're out, and not subject to those corrupt @#!%'s that sit in judgement in the name of "keeping the cong clean"--

7

Unrighteous Disfellowshiping ?

by ElijahTheThird in

why is it so many lay the blame on god for the appointment of elders?

read your bibles!

it is the anointed amongst you that are to appoint elders, but the anointed are to judge!

jaysong

Elijah,

I would agree that disfellowshipping is abused over and over again--"Absolute power corrupts absolutely"--, but having said that, I don't feel in the least bit that I will be judged by the Yaweh of the Bible.

And frankly, I don't think anyone would want to be judged by such a petty, vindictive, selfish, egotistical, and genocidal deity...nobody would make it!!

IMHO,

Jay

9

A (sort of) introduction

by MoodyBlue in

wow, i haven't posted on here in a long time... i lurked, back in the winter of '00, and posted in early '01 a few times.

looking back on those posts, and other stuff written, it amazes me how much can change... i thought to integrate myself into this web community i'd tell some of my story.... i was not raised in the truth.

i fell in love with a jw boy when i was 20 and married him.

jaysong

Alli,

Thanks for sharing your story, and welcome.

One of the great things about freeing yourself from witness thinking is reflected in your statement about not knowing what all the answers are and that being ok...it's SOOO ok!

When I left, I realized that I truly believed in my heart that the majority of people on this earth are good and decent folks that just make mistakes. They (we) don't need anyone to save us from our horrible state, because we're not horrible to begin with...

The whole premise of Christianity is that we're born bad, and need saving. The JW's pile on that idea with their own assumed superiority--"we're the only true religion" etc etc

It's truly amazing to view one's fellow man as a fellow human, worthy and flawed and wonderful and just like ourselves---not some pitiable person destined for destruction at Armageddon.

Peace in your journey,

Jay

35

Beggin for help

by DIAMOND in

ladies and gentlemen of the jury listen to my story then make a wise and fair decision in my case.. i'm a 42 year old male.

been in the truth for 32 years.

married to a witness.

jaysong

Diamond,

When I walked away fifteen years ago, I did the "fade" thing expressly so I would not lose contact with my parents. I had been shunned by them previously when I was df'd, and it literally almost killed me.

Later on, years later,I formally disassociated myself. But in the beginning, just fading was the way I chose.

BTW, since then, my pioneer mom and elder dad have both left. They blame themselves for shunning me, but I don't blame them. They were just obeying the org. Now, my parents and I are closer than ever.

Jaysong

5

JW dream...

by wonderwoman77 in

last night i had the most bizare dream.

i had a dream that i was going to the kh with my mom.

which is crazy in two ways, one i would not go to kh and secondly i never see my mom.

jaysong

I occasionally will have a dream where I am going from door to door, and right in the middle of my sermon, I realize I don't believe this crap any more, and I apologize to the householder and walk away with the most incredible feeling of relief.

I don't have them as often now (I've been out for 15 years), but they still come now and then and usually have a similar theme---I'm back in there, I realize I don't have to be, and I walk with a burden lifted...

IMHO, if you are doing serious work in therapy on issues related to leaving the WTS, you'll probably dream about it. When I was doing my first hard work on the stuff in my head, I had JW dreams almost nightly.

It's your subconscious mind processing---and probably a good thing---

Jay

17

My Experience Growing up as a JW

by MissSC in

i have never really shared my experience growing up as a jw, but feel it is time to share.

i am 26 years old and was raised as a jw from birth.

i left the jw when i was 14 by actions and 21 by a written letter, because i was baptised at the age of 11. .

jaysong

Welcome MissSC,

Thank you for sharing your story here. And bravo for pursuing your education----an MA in History should be incredibly interesting, studying the real history of the world and not the little bits and pieces the WTS fed us growing up.

Others here too feel the pain and trauma you speak of. We feel it every time we meet someone that has life-long friends from their youth, while ours won't even acknowledge our existence as human beings...

...we feel it when we are depressed or things just don't seem right because we suffer from a form of post-traumatic stress and it expresses itself through our physical bodies...

You are not alone... just remember that...(((hugs)))

Jay

4

my story

by rondoggy in

i grew up around truth.

i joined the ministry school when i was 8. i was babtised in 1979 and was disfellowshipped in 1990. i was reinstated in 1992. i was not disfellowshipped for being unrepentant, i was disfellowshipped for "a pattern".

i was reinstated and began to follow the organizationa and direction of the elders.

jaysong

Welcome, Ron. Your story is sad but familiar.

While I think a lot of JW elders feel the process of disfellowshipping is done for the right reasons, the misuse of power and the horror stories of the abuse of the system just make me cringe.

In my own case, I actually went to the elders and confessed to Watchtower-defined "inappropriate behavior" with my then-fiancee, because of a guilty conscience and the community responsibility crap.
It happened more than once, and I was a mess, just riddled with incredible guilt and begging for some kind of help. Instead, the words were "we are going to make an example out of you two." I nearly took my own life during those intervening months after being DF'd...whew, it's hard to even think about it (it was 1986)...

Your post also made me think of something else. My fiancee at the time told me later about how some elders would just "undress her with their eyes" (she was quite beautiful) at almost every meeting. And the JWs have ther nerve to claim they are different from other religions, above them, better than they are. Some of these "elders" have no business possessing the power the WTS gives them. It's just downright scary.

Starchambers plus a Pharisee or two equals a lot of injustice and corruption.

Peace,
Jay

23

I'M A NEWBIE! My story...

by terafera in

i just came across this site not too long ago and have been reading the stories.

i am filled with relief and at the same time frustration mixed with tears, because i have been holding my story in and not sharing it with anyone, except my husband.

i have felt many of the feelings expressed here but was afraid to say them out loud for fear of being an 'apostate'.

jaysong

Tera,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. It can be part of the healing to get that out, and to realize that others have gone through similar experiences.

You certainly write well and I would encourage you to pursue your education vigorously...it will be difficult but worth every penny...

I think we should all get together and send the WTS a bill for our educational expenses incurred because of turning down scholarships--
(just a little anger-tinged humor, it just comes out sometimes) :)

Welcome and best wishes for a happy New Year.

Jay