My horrible encounter with the JC machine

jesussaves

Hello everyone. I'm new here, allow me to introduce myself. I am a 27 year old married mother of three. I was also a third generation JW. Everyone in my immediate family, except my maternal grandfater, is a JW.
I had a hard time growing up as a JW. My mom divorced when I was 4, and my dad was from a very respected family in the cong. My granddad was the PO for their cong. My mom suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, that has NEVER been treated because of the JWs. She had a nervous breakdown after she divorced my dad, and has never been the same. She used to hear 'voices' that my grandmother swore off as demons, instead of getting her daughter some psychological help. Because of my mother's unpredictable behavior my family was pretty much the outcasts of the congregation. One thing I always appreciated about my mother was her hilarious way of telling off the elders and their wives. They used to just brush it off, saying that she was 'crazy'. When I was about 7 years old, my mom started saying that she was one of the anointed. Mind you, she was only 29 years old at the time and a divorced mother of three. More ridicule for my family. My sister, brother and I cringed when she ate those crackers and drank that wine.

jesussaves

My mom went through a brief period of normalcy when she married her second husband. He was a man that my grandmother met in the field ministry. He was a horrible loser, and had never had a job in his life. My mom, however, was desperate for a husband. The elders at our cong discouraged my mom from marrying him, but she defied. After they got married, we moved to another cong. We did that alot - change congregations.

Anyway, at the new hall there were alot of young people. I was a teenager, and I couldn't believe how all of the youth in that cong were pioneers or pioneers in training. It seemed like every couple of months we were having a going away party for a young man going to bethel. The pressure was enormous. A young guy that I had a crush on urged me to get baptized. It seemed to be a good thing to do, so I took the plunge.

I was happy as a lark for awhile. Going in field service with all my friends. They didn't know my family's history - I had grown up in another circuit. Then things started falling apart in my family. My stepfather decided he wanted to beat my brother and sister, so they ran away at least once a week. I stayed out of his way. My mother stopped attending meetings, although me and my siblings continued on. We, the kids, had become quite popular, and had started getting invited to parties. We were with the 'COOL' witnesses.

At age 19, I caught the marriage bug. All of my friends were getting married, and I had yet to have a boyfriend. The previous mentioned crush went off to Bethel and swore off marriage. Well, the guy I fell for was a genuine thug. He was the son of a pioneer, but had never been baptized. He was great looking and cool, and he liked ME. I couldn't believe it. I fell for him hard, and his mom told him that if he didn't break up with me that she would take me to the elders (for what I don't know). He was afraid to get me disfellowshipped, so we pretended to break it off.

I ended up fornicating with him, but I didn't tell anybody and neither did he. Too scared of being DFed. We eventually broke up, but we kept the secret and stayed close friends. I started a horrible relationship with an elder's son that went on for about a year. Fornicated with him too, and didn't tell a soul. I then briefly dated a new convert who got scared and went to the elders after one session of light petting. For some reason, when the elder's interrogated me, I got the idea that it was time to come clean and wipe my slate clear. BAD IDEA!

jesussaves

When the elders found out what I had done, they treated me like the whore of Babylon. I was grilled with questions, 'how many times?' 'did you climax?' ' did you use protection?'. Though quite embarrassed, I answered all of the questions believing it made me more repentant. They let my committee meeting drag on for weeks, stating for the reason, that they were trying to see if I was pregnant. I was terrified of getting DFed. I faked a suicide attempt to make them have pity on me. They ended up publicly reproving me. Remeber the elder's son? Well, I told him that I wanted to tell the elders about us and he went ballistic. He eventually agreed, and even decided to come out with all his dirt, which was a WHOLE lot dirtier than mine. Way to have a father that's an elder, though, he only got privately reproved.

Well, I was forced by my job to have therapy because of the suicide attempt. The therapist really helped me sort out some stuff about the JWs. Now, I wasn't DFed, but not one person in my cong called me to encourage me, not even the fake shepherds.

I decided to enroll in a two year college because I had given up all my scholarships to be a pioneer. This is where I met my husband. I sort of drifted away from the JWs. I stopped going to meetings, I cut off all my old associates. I started going to church, because I felt a horrible emptiness on the inside. I hid that from my family for over four years, and we all lived ten minutes apart.

Just yesterday afternoon, I told my grandmother that I attend a Pentecostal church. My mom had dropped by when I wasn't at home, and asked the babysitter how she knew me and my husband. Well, the babysitter said, 'We all go to church together.' I was kind of forced out, but I'm glad because it's over and done with.

I've been reading the board for about a year, and been encouraged immensely. Thank you.

cellomould

Welcome aboard, Jesussaves!

Nice to have met you in chat as well.

cellomould

"In other words, your God is the warden of a prison where the only prisoner is your God." Jose Saramago, The Gospel According to Jesus Christ

Kep

Welcome JS, it sounds like you've had to do some ducking and diving from the elders only to fess up and get slammed bigtime.
You think you are doing the right thing, but they throw it in your face.
Good on you for taking your own stand and continuing an interest/relationship with God.
Spotted you on the board last night.
Gidday cello, good meeting you there as well.
Kepa

Lari

Welcome JS.
Did they really ask you if you reached the big O? What does that have to do with the price of silk in Burma?

Maybe they figure bad sex is enough punishment in and of itself and go easier on you.

Adonai438

Welcome Jesussaves!(((hug)))
I am continually amazed at how God works in people's lives.
I too am a Christian now and have been very encouraged reading your story. God bless you !!!!!!!!!!!
<>< Angie

Ps. e-mail me anytime

plmkrzy

Hi There js, nice to have you post. Welcome aboard. Did your mother ever get the help she needed? I always feel bad when I hear of someone who didn't get the proper care and help they need because of old superstitious beliefs. Thats all it can be and it's to unfortunate that so many in the congergations continue to believe that.
plm

JeffT

Hi. Very interesting story. I'm also a Christian. My exit from the Watctower was much smoother, as neither my wife or myself were raised in it, and we left together. Reading some of the stories here I realize how easy we had it.

jst2laws

Hello JS,

Thanks for sharing your story. I saw your comments to Smolderingwick on her thread. You two have some things in common. We all have some things in common. Your experience as a youth in the organization sounded like so many other young people I have known. It seems the good ones, the honest ones, get treated the worst while the others just keep living double lives.

I started fading about 9 months ago. I have been dealing with some depression but that is anticipated. That is one of the reasons I come here, support, to give and to receive. I’m sure you will receive the same. You’re a new poster and great you started out introducing yourself with your experience.

I am glad you have not lost faith in everything. Please keep pursuing your spiritual needs and up building association.

Jst2laws

My horrible encounter with the JC machine

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