Beggin for help

by DIAMOND 35 Replies latest jw experiences


    Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury listen to my story then make a wise and fair decision in my case.

    I'm a 42 year old male. Been in the truth for 32 years. Married to a witness. Not a real one but she shows up at
    game time. My mother has been in the truth forever. We are real close. I'm her ride to all conventions and assemblies.

    Problem: I don't beleive this is the truth anymore. Read Crisis of Conscience and visited every web site known to man.
    I mentioned my problem to my wife and she went off (of course). I can't take it anymore. I want to write a letter to DA
    myself but I don't know howif thats wise. I'm pretty popular with all the town so just fading away will be a
    problem. If I miss a meeting or 2 now people call to see if everything is alright.

    My field service time is excellent. I give talks, carry the mikes. I'm incharge of the stage and sound and I read at the
    book study. So as you can see I need to make a clean break.

    Does anyone have any ideas on the best way to handle the situation so I don't kill my mother and get divorced all in the

    Help and thanks.


  • TR

    Oh, MAN, Diamond. BTW, Welcome!

    I would think a gradual "easing out"be the preferred method in your case, so you don't alienate your loved ones right away.


    "YK is his name, false prophecy is his game"

  • Mister Biggs
    Mister Biggs

    Hello, Diamond.

    My story is almost an exact mirror of yours. I'm 32, been baptized for 18 years, my wife is a Witness, and we're both active. I assist with the overseeing of the sound, stage, and mic's. I am the reader for every Book Study.

    However, I no longer believe this is the "truth". I haven't read C of C yet, but maybe eventually. I have yet to tell my wife about my feelings. I have strong and personal feelings why I haven't yet. However, it is in my plans to tell her, it's just that right this moment is not the proper time.

    I think when I do tell my wife about my true feelings about the Organization it will be the beginning of the end of our marriage.

    I agree with TR that drifting is probably the best method. However, some on this Board have said that DA'ing oneself has brought them great relief. Personally, though, I plan on drifting.

    Welcome to the Board!

  • Hmmm


    The way I see it, you have three options:

    1) Fade away. It'll be tough at first, with people calling to check up on you, but you can always blame work. You'll be amazed at how quickly people will stop calling. Once they get the first whiff of spiritual sickness, rather than physical, you'll be a pariah like the rest of us.

    2) Formal DA. This can help alleviate the stress of leading a double life. However, you have family considerations. Your mother and wife will freak out at your sudden decision. But subtly planting seeds of doubt in their minds could take years, and your DA will be hard on them no matter how long you wait.

    3) Kamikaze. Give nobody a hint that anything is wrong. Then for your next talk, prepare about one minute of hard-hitting material on why you no longer accept it as the truth. Just before your talk, lock the cabinet that the sound equipment is in, or break off the knob that controls the stage mic. Still, don't get too long-winded, because some hero elder will run up on stage and rip the mic out of the wall as soon as he realizes that you're not following the outline. Frankly, I'm surprised more people don't choose this method, just for the fun of it.

    Come to think of it, I've been inactive for a gazillion years, but I could do this if I could stomache a few months of the Prodigal Son farce and get back on the Ministry School... nahhhhhh.


  • Will Power
    Will Power

    I like the kamikaze idea above.
    What about solo door work for a while first and bring the real truth about the truff to people.

    Seriously, stay close to your mate,
    honest true love is very powerful, beats "truth" love, just takes time for all to see.


    Mister Biggs,

    I'm so gald you feel me on this. Our lives are running a similar pattern. I think fading away is the best way but by doing
    so much in the Hall that is going to be so hard. All my friends of 42 years are witnesses. But I guess I gotta do what I
    gotta do. Lets keep tabs and see how one another is doing. Gotta go. Need to go do my Watchtower...Its my turn to
    read this Sunday.




    I love option number 3. But you must remember if I had big enough balls to do that I wouldn't be here trying to find the
    way out of something that is so obvious. So I think I'm gonna have to choose number 1. Just fade away.

    thanks for the reply...I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!


    Thank you all for the advice.. It is helping alot. Its just nice to meet people who know what I'm going through. Keep the
    replys coming.


  • Mister Biggs
    Mister Biggs

    Hey, Diamond.
    I definitely feel you and we can definitely stay in touch. I will e-mail you with updates as well as break my ongoing story right here on the Board.
    You read this week? I read two weeks ago. Isn't life grand???

  • Billygoat


    Welcome to the board! I'm glad to hear you're learning so much and making decisions for yourself. Feels weird huh? Don't'll get it with time.

    I can't recommend much other than share my experience. I've been DFed for 11 years. It's been very hard on me and my family. I say the fade away is the best way. I wish I had that option so many years ago. I'd still have my family a bit closer.

    Good luck whatever you decide!


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