Will my inactive JW bring our children up as a witness?

by stevepill 73 Replies latest jw experiences

  • stevepill
    I'm shortly going to drop by her apartment to give her some post and her belongings, not sure if it's a good idea but need closure on this. I've written a letter to offer my help so if she refuses I can then say I've done every possible thing I can do for her and wish her the best for the future. I have ordered her the COC book as recommended so hopefully she might read it one day. Thanks to you all.
  • rebel8

    I'm so sorry you're going through this, stevepill. I wish we had an answer for you that's easier to take.

    Honestly though, it would be horrifying if you married, had kids and she exposed the kids to the cult. Horrifying.

    So sorry. (( ))

  • 3rdgen
    What rebel8 said. ((((hugs))))
  • stevepill

    Just been to talk to her she said, she does not want to talk about it as she's in good place at moment in her mind, doesn't want to go back in her mind now as happy doing what she wants, when asked to talk about why not want to go back. but can't say def as does not know how she will feel in 10 years time. But none of us can say what will happen in 10 years I suppose.

    Says she no longer feels guilty about sex before marriage and does not want to bring up as a witness. Says she's switched of from pleasing parents as they already know what she's done. 

    Says they would not come to her wedding if she married a non Jw.

    also discussed if she moves on after me, said she will not tell them, just say that Xmas and birthdays are not for her.

  • stevepill
    Sorry miss print, says she does not want to bring child up as a witness.
  • stevepill

    Also said not going to read COC book, will never be against Jw but also doesn't want to be part of it.

    not willing to study as it might turn her against Jw.

    said I need to trust her, I do trust her as she is now she's an amazing women, but will she change if she goes back is the question, running out of time.

  • 3rdgen

    Of course she will change if she goes back. It will be required in order for her to return and remain in good standing. She refuses to investigate her religion because she doesn't want to know the truth about it. She wants to keep ALL of her options open. You are free to ignore the insight offered here but don't say we didn't warn you.

  • Stirred

    Investigating mormons was/is very helpful for me. Found this quote|:

    If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed.”

    President J. Reuben Clark – Mormon Church (past president)

    I understand not being interested in holidays....I am still there but loosening on Thanksgiving, Valentines, etc. She needs to get past fear of reading. So if she finds stuff out she can either prove it right or wrong.   Does she want to live in darkness just to retain a similar view with parents?

    It is painful to learn many things you thought were true are not. She obviously knows something is wrong with JWs. Her guilt and fear are keeping her from examining her beliefs. Remind her the Bible commends the Bereans (Acts 17:11) for not blindly believing what they were told by men, but by searching the scriptures and proving what they said.

    Here are some nice quotes to share when appropriate:

    If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed.”

    – Past President J. Reuben Clark –Mormon Church 

    "I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant."

    H. L. Mencken

    Ernest Hemingway
    “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” 
    ― Ernest Hemingway

    “The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them” 
    ― Thomas MertonNo Man Is an Island

    George R.R. Martin
    “Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it.”  George R.R. MartinA Game of Thrones

    Arthur Schopenhauer
    “All truth passes through three stages: First, it is ridiculed; Second, it is violently opposed; Third, it is accepted as self-evident.” 
    ― Arthur Schopenhauer

    Peace to you

    • Witness My Fury
      Witness My Fury

      It can take time, people only wake up when they are ready to and for some that can take a long time. 

      If you want to try and save her then you need to take the time to educate yourself about the cult and how cults work before you can begin to help her to see it for what it is.

      There are plenty of experiences on here of couples and what worked and what didnt, one thing that doesn't work is shoving it down the throat of your mate and bombarding them with information. So slow and steady is the way and learn when to shut up and when to speak about it.

      She will not see this in a weekend, if it's half hearted or against their will then they may still believe in it and return at a later time, they need to see it for themselves and they only do that when they are ready. You need to be ready first though.

      Take your time and dont do anything rash is always the advice given.

    • jwfacts
      said I need to trust her, I do trust her as she is now she's an amazing women, but will she change if she goes back is the question, running out of time.

      She really is manipulating you, whether she even realises or not. She asks to be trusted but gives no reason for such trust, in fact gives every reason not to trust her in this regard. Even if she sincerely believes at this moment that she will not go back, there is a good chance she will, as by the comments that she is making she still believes the doctrine. 

      Reading COC is not about her not liking JWs, it is about being aware of the history and practices of the religion, and why so much of what she believes is not true. She can read it and continue to like JWs, but just come to understand why what they preach is wrong. 

      Even if she does not go back, her worries about Armageddon will infect your children. Her refusal to have birthdays has no scriptural basis, will be unfair on the children and a cause of tension.  People raised as JWs carry huge emotional scars and you never know what else will raise its head over time. 

      IMO if you say that it is important to you that she read COC before progressing forward, and she is not prepared to, then it says a lot about you stand in relation to the religion in her mind. 

      One other thing that is concerning is this comment you made.

      But she said there s a non- Jw at her work she likes who apparently ticks all the boxes!

      Are you sure that she is the one for you and that you really should trust her?

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