Will my inactive JW bring our children up as a witness? (page 5)

stevepill

She wants me to marry her so she can be seen to be doing the right thing I suppose and because she says she wanted to move our relationship on, she has been married twice before to a witness at 20 and non witness at 27, these both lasted less than 2 years. She moved out as she felt guilty living in sin and she and my children don't get on that great, they are now 14 & 10. She was born in to Jw family.

she seem to be running away from everything stuck in middle but still very defensive about Jw issues.

Witness My Fury

You have the answer, run!

No, seriously we cant tell you what to do or have all the facts, but you really have yourself in a corner, chances are she still believes it is the Truth (internal speak, they call it The Truth) and WILL return to it with gusto when she has a child to think about.

The cult is all about FOG (fear obligation guilt) the classic toolbox of all cults. She will have her buttons pushed accordingly. Unless she can educate herself about cult mind control and see it for herself then her life will always be controlled to some extent by it.

https://freedomofmind.com//Info/BITE/bitemodel.php

Good luck

stevepill

Thank you for your time I appreciate it, it's really helped.

Honesty

I did say that to her and she said she may need to take them on odd occasion of she goes back, but doesn't want to be told she can't take them.

Thank you for all you comments , I love this women very much and she means the world to me but she says she cannot guarantee she won't go back.

She just told you that she is going to go back and she will take your children with her no matter how you feel about it.

I agree with what your saying, she does clam up when I ask her questions about her faith as she feels if she says something negative then I will hold it against her, her family are all in it but she is the black sheep of the family and they now keep their distance because she's not doing what she should be doing, they have not contacted her since last July!

She Still believes the Jehovah's Witnesses have the truth and nothing you tell her or show her will change her mind.

just want to save from this craziness!

Get hurt for a little while by dumping her instead of existing in living hell as long as you are with her if you don't.

stevepill

Your right honesty, your right........

Stirred

I am a woman, mother, wife of inactive that believes and newly inactive that is trying to free my mind. I don't feel that I will rush back, ever, as I see now how shallow any relations are and all the hypocrisy. Big issue is to compare the shunning, marking and extreme judging with Jesus's words and actions - totally incongruent with WT teachings, customs. I realize her family is in and she may be held to keeping up a fade to have a relationship. It's like death, divorce of nasty kind, terrible estrangement....

I am not without hope and i don't believe she is either. Remind her that if you never join, your kids will be marked and have little to no association as a "weak" family. Would she really want that for her kids? For herself? Does she really think all other kids, people on planet will be killed and that God will not see their heart, problems, etc?

COC book helped me immensely as well as UN issue - went to UN sources and proved to myself beyond statement of "imperfect men" excuse. If Jah was truly leading them, he would not let the organization join for a library card. Once this hit me, I could open to other issue. I am striking hard at the trunk, so to speak, and not worrying about the branches as yet.

If you love her, help her. Show her what love really means, even if you decide not to marry. I just read you also have kids. A divided house with kids being taught different things would be so difficult.

I am fading and inactive and will not go back but am in mid-point where I also cannot celebrate holidays (only interested in thanksgiving and Valentine's really, low-key, family only bday ). The holidays would be issue too. Don't marry until she is clear and can say goodbye to any harmful teachings.

You can point to fact that WT has perhaps some Truth.....but so do many other religions. Like other religions, it also has an underbelly and many untruths. If you can help her, even if you do not marry, at least you tried to help a friend. She may not have many.

DesirousOfChange

Sorry for the results you're experiencing. I know you were likely hoping for things to be different. Six years is a lot of investment emotionally. But it does sound like she is still a "captive" to the religion. Unless you're willing to convert and "fake it", there could not really be a "good" outcome.

Good luck,

Doc

blondie

I have seen many inactive, disassociated and disfellowshipped jws come back when they have a child. It is one thing to choose death for yourself and another to choose death for your child, which is what many jws in the above categories believe will happen at Armageddon.

OnTheWayOut

I don't have anything new to add. It's pretty clear that she thinks about going back and would take children with her. It's pretty clear that she wants to marry because she feels guilty about her "sin" or feels pressure from family to stop violating JW rules.

It is easy to say "RUN" and that is a good answer. But I also understand that when love is involved, people follow their heart often. You might even feel that you can save her from that dangerous mind control cult. If you won't walk away from this relationship, then insist that she looks at the possibility that Jehovah's Witnesses are a dangerous mind control cult. Insist that she read books and look at websites. You can start with COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL by Steve Hassan, as it never mentions Jehovah's Witnesses. "If they aren't like that, the book won't mean anything to you."

I would have to say that, regardless of what you decide to do, do not have children unless she comes to terms with the religion being a lie.

If she won't "study" with you, then you should know that the most love you can show her is to save her the heartache of going through another painful marriage that might lead to divorce. I would tell her you will leave things as they are (living in "sin" according to her rules) or you can end it, but I wouldn't advance the relationship to marriage.

stevepill

I'm blown away by your support, this is what life's all about supporting each other, not shunning or dismissing each other thank you again. So much to take in!

Will my inactive JW bring our children up as a witness?

Share this