How many people here are Faders?

by misspeaches 60 Replies latest jw friends

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  xjwms

  Fading, ... and there is no one there who cares. It has been four years. Elders are happy I no longer attend.

  You asked.
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  eyeslice

  Not so sure that I am a fader.
  
  One week I was at all the meetings and going out on field ministry, the next nothing. I haven't been to a meeting in about 18 months nows. Had the shepherding/encouraging visits to begin with but now nothing. Looks like I didn't fade - just left.
  
  Eyeslice
• 

  delilah

  yup, faded about 8 years ago. and it feels good.....been DF'd before, so know what it feels like. They won't do that to me again....they have no power over me anymore.....

  Dee
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  love2Bworldly

  I guess I'm a Fader too since 1991 or so. Sometimes I'm tempted to go to a meeting just to see how I feel hearing all the BS after learning the real truths, but then I'm afraid I'll run into someone I know or that the elders will start questioning me.
• 

  love2Bworldly

  JT--I want to read your book!
• 

  tyler m

  I would have loved to have faded but my parents and the elders would not let it happen.
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  mapleaf18

  i've been a fader since 02-03. completely stopped in mid 03. got called on by 2 elders a month ago w/ allegation that i was "living in sin." they wanted to know what my work schedule was (so that they could say "ah, there's no reason why you CAN'T attend meetings') then they wanted to know if i would MARRY my boyfriend!!!! when i said "8-5" for the first question and "no" for the 2nd, they wanted to set up a JC w/ me.

  i immediately sent in my 2 sentence DA letter. they came back again the following saturday to confirm my choice ("what part of NO didn't you understand, dickweeds?") my boyfriend was out there with his kids on visitation and we were all doing work around the house at the time.

  my boyfriend is 200+lbs of all muscle and strong as an ox. He was getting ready to give them a "talking to" but he figured he'd let me handle it. his oldest kid (8 yrs) asked "who were those guys? they look like FBI agents or something" (boy, he wan't far from the truth!!!) I explained to them that they were associates who had to check some paperwork.

  boyfriend says that if they come around again, "it won't be good for them!" LOL
• 

  tyler m

  got called on by 2 elders a month ago w/ allegation that i was "living in sin."

  I'm surprised they bothered to call. They would show up at my place whenever they felt like it hoping to see a girl come out. After 2 months I had enough and decided that it was time for df'ing #3. I told the girl I was dating at the time to answer the door wearing my robe. I came to the door in my underwear and told them you have your dirt now be on your way. Believe it or not they tried to get me in a JC meeting. Why I have no idea. Maybe they wanted to hear the salacious details. I cannot believe I tolerated that kind of behavior back then. Never again.
• 

  willyloman

  It's hard to believe sometimes, but less than three years ago, I was conducting the WT. A wife and several grown children were also JWs. A year later we started investigating this site and others, looking for reasons why "the truth" was just not fulfilling our spiritual and emotional needs. Some months after that, we developed an "exit strategy" and began working the plan. I heartily recommend all faders adopt a plan to get out of Dodge and follow it. In our case, it involved a couple of congregation changes and milking a serious but temporary illness for all it was worth. In the end, we had simply disappeared. All of our grown children followed us out, and were actually relieved. Apparently, they were only JWs out of loyalty to their parents (which we must have sensed).

  I think of us as "faders' because we have not written any letters nor granted any interviews. We have not been DF'd, either. We are in some sort of JW limbo, in which very few dubs bother go out of their way to have anything to do with us. By executing our plan (above), we obviously confused some people about where we were. But people clearly know we have "left" and this makes most of them uncomfortable.

  I note that JT posted on this thread (Hi, guy). From him I learned many valuable things, including this: The main reason to fade is to buy yourself some time to make new friends and develop other interests so that when the inevitable time comes when the dubs challenge you or ask for an accounting, you will no longer give a rip what they say or do.

  That's our situation now. It's taken 18 months. But we've done a lot of psychological work on ourselves. And that's the key, IMO.
• 

  chrissee

  Faded out 3 years ago! Mostly stayed in, out of loyalty to parents, but when they moved away 3 years ago, the major fading began. It was easier then since husband was never a dub. We celebrated my daughters 12th birthday, with a 'real' birthday party; cake, favors, gifts and candles on the cake! As a joke one of her girlfriends gave her a baby rattle (because technically it was her first birthday!)

  Also, when I began fading no one seemed to notice. No concerned phone calls from the so-called 'friends" at the KH or elders. Although my folks are visiting this month and they asked what time the bookstudy was on Tuesday morning???? I said, I have no idea!