Urgent! Need help - I told my parents. (page 18)

NewLight2

Quote:
"NewLight ... enlighten me ... please." - - -afin

Nope . . . no need to 'cause 'me thinks I'm right'!!!

NewLight2

lisaBObeesa

Be glad you aren't my son, if I found out you were doing this behind my back. You think you have troubles now!

Child Development, anyone?

http://www.kidsource.com/better.world.press/parenting.html
Are you an authoritarian parent? This parent values obedience. Commanding the child what to do and what not to do, rules are clear and unbending. The parent pours the "right" information into the child who is considered an empty vessel. Misbehavior is strictly punished.
Rebellion often results from strict punishment. Spanking, which models violence as a solution to problems, is contradictory in a society which claims to value peaceful solutions. And children raised to follow the "expert" easily copy anyone, including undesirable peers

. *****************************************************

http://www.thesuccessfulparent.com/articles/styles.htm

The authoritarian style of parenting is focused primarily on controlling behavior to meet the expectations of the parents. All other aspects of the parent-child relationship are secondary to this focus, and as such, certain aspects of the child's development are hindered. The style is fairly rigid and requires unquestioned obedience without discussion or explanation. Explanations may be offered, however, they are not open for interpretation or exploration. Let's look at this style in terms of the four variables used above.

Behavioral Guidelines. Behavioral guidelines are rigid and highly enforced. They are set by the parents, and are usually presented in a black and white manner so that there is no room for discussion and/or interpretation. The system for enforcing these guidelines is fairly dictatorial, often employing punishments that are severe and beyond the scope of the behavioral infraction. The overall goal in this style of parenting is control as opposed to learning and promotion of the child's development of autonomy.

Emotional Quality of Parent-Child Relationship. The authoritarian style makes it difficult for the development of closeness between parent and child. Real closeness is based on a sense of mutual respect, and a belief on the part of the parent that the child has the capacity to learn self-control and decision making through both behavioral guidelines and his or her own cognitive capacities. The authoritarian style doesn't recognize the child's process of individuation and/or growing need for autonomy. The closeness that may develop with this style is in actuality pseudo-closeness, because it comes from the child's fear of displeasing the parent rather than desire to grow and develop. Children coming from this parenting style are often anxious and have higher levels of depression. They may also have problems with behavior and impulse control, especially when not in the parents' presence.

Behaviors Encouraged. The behaviors encouraged under this style are called "constraining" behaviors. The goal here is to control rather than encourage the process of thinking through a problem and making a productive decision. The overall quality of the guidelines is prohibitive and negative, and often quite punitive. One feels as though they are being instructed on what not to do rather than on learning a valuable lesson that will help them in future social situations.

Levels of Parent-Child Conflict. Excessive control without true closeness and mutual respect breeds rebellion. In other words, the authoritarian style of parenting can result in a lot of conflict between parents and children, even if not overtly expressed. The conflict may come in the form of children acting out in school, fighting with other children, or becoming involved in deviant behavior such as delinquency or substance abuse. At the other extreme, these children may be perfectionistic and overly focused on achievement at the expense of necessary emotional growth. In either case, the process of individuation necessary for becoming a high-functioning adult is hindered.

*************************************

http://www.athealth.com/Practitioner/ceduc/parentingstyles.html
Children and adolescents from authoritarian families (high in demandingness, but low in responsiveness) tend to perform moderately well in school and be uninvolved in problem behavior, but they have poorer social skills, lower self-esteem, and higher levels of depression.

Big Tex

if you sincerely felt you were doing all you could to raise your child the best way you know how ... and you find out he/she is on the net asking total strangers for their opinions ... would that not alarm you?

I realize this question was not directed at me, AlanF is more than able to respond himself, so perhaps you'll forgive me if I respond.

Let's turn the tables then. AFIN, if you sincerely felt you were doing all you could to raise your child the best way you know how, and you find how he/she has become involved in a religious sect that orders its members to

refuse certain medical treatments even to the point of death;
withhold reports of child abuse from school officials, child protective services and/or the police;
beg the public for money in exchange for the sect's literature;

As well as have different standards for male and female victims of rape in that women are to be required to scream before the act otherwise they are guilty of fornication/adultery. This standard naturally does not apply to men.

Would that not alarm you?

a friend in need

lisaBObeesa ... thanks for presenting all that information. It all sounds good on paper. Terrific if you can carry it out. In the end though, each of us is responsible for our parenting skills and hope for the best in the end.

I think love is the main ingredient ... and kids know if they are loved. Even if a parent does all the wrong things ... kids know if they are loved. I happen to think Filip's father loves him. He may have anger control issues ... but who of you don't have any flaws?

Big Tex ... let's deal with my topic-related issue first. Maybe you'd like to start a new thread ;)

kaykay_mp

In the end though, each of us is responsible for our parenting skills and hope for the best in the end.

finally something we can agree on.

laters

kaykay_mp

a friend in need

kaykay_mp ... glad we can agree ;)

SixofNine

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick! If kids are truly loved, their parents absolutely WILL NOT "do everything wrong". And if they did, of course it would not work out ok. Of course religionist want their children to obey and respect them no matter what. It's because they have no foundation for the beliefs they are ordering their children to accept.

Valis

Big Tex ... let's deal with my topic-related issue first. Maybe you'd like to start a new thread ;)

It is very relavent. Most JW kids don't have a clue their own parents would allow them to DIE if they needed a blood transfusion. See you in Paradise! Most JW kids don't have a clue they could be sitting next to Brother Pedophile, because there is no public declaration in the congregation that there is a wolf among the flock and it likes preying on small children. Simply put.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Jez

So Filip, how are you?

Urgent! Need help - I told my parents.

Share this