by Utopian Reformist 1242 Replies latest members private
I can't stop thinking about it and I am so sad, too sad to be angry and too angry to take my own life.
I am distraught and livid. My family is ruined.
UT...
A good therapist will help you work through this and get back on a "normal" track of reasoning. And, btw, your family is not ruined. You're alive, you're wonderful, your kids need you, and with a little help your family will be so much better and will have a REAL future.
Hi Mulan:
I figured someone might remember the story and make the eventual connection to me, and I am glad. Actually, I am alone this time since I was forced out over a year ago due to constant barrage of argumentation, politics, armageddon, religion etc. So, Tonya, who like any normal mother, should be here assisting with this tragedy, is instead in prison for causing the tragedy.
I am alone and waiting for some relatives to arrive (Argentina & Italy). Hopefully, we can piece our little family together and I can have an opportunity to be a good single dad. I am looking forward to it.
It is good to hear from everyone hear and I appreciate the love.
(((((UR)))))
This is awful.
Please take care of yourself. Your daughters do need you.
We're all thinking of you.
Didier
Thx Double-Edge!
I know I am supposed to BE positive and make my mind think positive, but then I keep reverting back to the event and asking questions without answers.
I wish I had never argued with the officers for more time and simply gotten out of the way and let them storm in and save the children. I just knew how attahced the three of them were together and how they were always all alone and I felt bad and worried and did not want the officers to scare the girls or accidentally hurt them while trying to apprehend Tonya. So, I begged for more time, begged them to relax, begged them to treat it like a hostage situation and diffuse the tension levels.
I was actually bying Tonya more time on the inside while she barricaded and began torching the mattress. I am so so so stupid. I actually thought I could talk her out. How stupid and arrogant.
UR, I am so very, very sorry. I lack the words to properly express how I feel not only for you but for your daughters. I grieve with you at what has happened.
Do you have anyone there with you? Any family or friends? You need support right now, I hope there is someone.
Chris
I am so so so stupid. I actually thought I could talk her out. How stupid and arrogant.
No, you're not! What happened is not your fault. You must accept reality. This falls on a deranged woman, not you.
I understand how easily it is to feel and say what you do. My father in law killed himself last year and I had to live with the knowledge that he wouldn't have done it if I had not stood up to him. Eventually I was able to forgive myself and hang on to the reality that HE chose to do it, not me. I had no way of knowing what was going to happen.
So it is with you. You were making the best choice you had with the information at hand. You had no way to know what was going on in her head or what she was planning. It was HER choice, not yours. The responsibility lies squarely on her shoulders. You must forgive yourself and you must believe you did all you could. If you do not, the guilt will destroy you. Believe me, I know.
Best advice ever given on this board was given to me last year:
>breathe in<
>breahe out<
Anything I can do to help, please let me know.
Chris
I am so saddened by your news. I really am speechless, and don't really know what words to say to help bring comfort. All I can do is send a great big hug, and let you know that a lot of people, including myself are thinking of you and your daughters, and wish for a good recovery for your daughter who got hurt. My heart goes out to you...
UR,
We all try to make the best decissions for those we truley love,,but since we do not know the future we are not able to know what is the best plan of action,,we can only try to do the right thing, or make the best choice,, but have no way of knowing what the best choice is. You have my symphathy for being faced with such emotion filled choices I don't know how I would stand up to being faced with what you faced with. I hope for the best possible recovery of your family.
I am grateful to you Chris and everyone else. I can't believe she would do this and include the children. I am even more shocked that my oldest daughter was not able to understand how crazy her mother's reaction was and how lighting a fire was not going to solve anything.
To this day, my oldest blames the police for storming the place. She says "if the police had not stormed in, mommy would not have lit the fire". I almost fell. I have had to carefully restrain my tongue, relax, back off and calmly explain to her that no matter how pumped up the officers were, and no matter how many there were and no matter how roughly they behaved, they were never there to start a fire.
I told her calmly that the police do not start fires in people's homes or barricade children into closets. Now, I have a lot of de-programming to do with this child who is fiercely loyal to her mother. I don't know at what point she will break down.
I though that if I brought her to the PICU unit to visually see the damage and injuries done to her favorite person in the world, her little sister, that she might finally have a personal moment and realize the gravity and severity of it all. She didn't, instead she feels the little one will simply heal and be fine and not have any self-esteem issues or anything like that at all.
I got my hands full now.
Oh, I dont know what to say, I am just so saddened..
I am so sorry...
