For Talia.
We are all thinking you, Mario.
Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy
by Utopian Reformist 1242 Replies latest members private
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Utopian Reformist
Dear Family & Friends:
At 7:15PM-EST on the 29th I recalled the tragic passing of my TALIA. I want all of to you know that in addition to the millions of thoughts running through my mind, I was also thinking about ALL OF YOU! You have been my lifeblood and support and refuge during the past year.
I regret that TALIA did not meet all of you and was not aware how much love permeates this place. I spent a very quiet evening remembering and then called Marina. She did not want to talk that particular night.
I never thought a year would pass and never imagined life without TALIA. So much is left to do and so much has not been started yet, and I still feel just as empty, robbed and suicidal as I did one year ago.
Tomorrow I am leaving for Bogota, Colombia for a few weeks. It will be the anniversay of her funeral. Thanks to all of your generosity and kindness, TALIA's funeral was a memorable one with beautiful flowers, hundreds of thoughtful and sentimental cards, loving gifts and caring memories.
I LOVE ALL OF YOU! I cannot write anymore at this moment and I did dream about TALIA during the very early morning hours today. She was wearing white thermal pajamas and was getting out of bed and we hugged and then I carried her into another room where my mother happened to be in bed waiting for us and we all smiled and hugged and I said out loud that they were my two favorite people, my heroes!
THX from the bottom of my heart for everything all of you have done and keep doing for my TALIA.
LOVE,
MJB -
Billygoat
(((((((Mario))))))))
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Sunspot
(((((Mario))))She was wearing white thermal pajamas and was getting out of bed and we hugged and then I carried her into another room where my mother happened to be in bed waiting for us and we all smiled and hugged and I said out loud that they were my two favorite people, my heroes!
My love and prayers are still with you dear one.
Your dream made me think of something that I just wanted to share with you. About a year or so after my very best friend (a JW sister that I shared EVERYTHING with) died from Cancer in 1991, I had a vivid dream about her that I just couldn't "shake" off.
She had come bouncing up onto my front porch with a huge smile, and I saw her through the window and my jaw dropped! I flung the door open and said "I thought you were DEAD!!!" And she put her hands on her hips and cocked her head to the side and said "do I LOOK dead to you?", and we both started laughing, crying and hugging until I woke up.
I just felt SO strongly about this dream...it was SO real, with everything "in place"---my porch, the door, the rug inside the doorway.....all the stuff that usually gets all messed up with the usual wacky dreams.....you know? I saw a program on dreams about the dead we were close to where this kind of thing happens, and they were saying on this program---that when a dream is this vivid and won't fade as other dreams do, and everything is the "way it was" in real life----that it meant the one who had died is coming and telling you that they are just fine and are feeling and experiencing love and peace. The fact that you saw Talia in such detail---right down to her "white thermal PJs".....it so reminded me of the "detail" I saw in my dream.
I wasn't sure if I should relay this all to you, but it made ME very happy and I dearly hope that you can find comfort in this as I have. I am not sure about SO many things any more, about the state of the dead, but I do know that the "dream" is just as strong today as it was when I first had it in 1992......and what I dreamed last night is not even a memory after I woke up this morning! I just feel that this has some merit somehow.
I wish you well, as ever, and hope you manage to enjoy your upcoming trip. We will certainly keep you in our hearts and minds until we hear from you again...
love and hugs always,
Annie
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Utopian Reformist
Annie, BillyGoat, LisaObeesa, Bem, Dorothy, Bebu and so many others:
I too have gotten very curious about dreams and their meanings. I want to believe so badly in another dimension, another existence, but I just don't have enough evidence right now.
Sometimes, I wonder if our own minds keep playing collages and recorded memories of our special loved ones and we live through those moments in our sleep. There is so much data stored in our sub-conscious mind. It's hard to accept that a loved would communicate they are in a peaceful state and happy, especially if they appear to us in a dream in the form of a past memory, a past event, etc.
I was ejected from the home when TALIA was 9-10 years old. That time period is the last complete set of memories, mental images, and photos that I have of TALIA as I remember her in a healthy happy state. In my dreams, she is never 12, she is not the MTV kid that she became after I left the home. I had very few visits and was barely ever allowed to see the kids or even talk to them, thus, my recollection of "the good old days" occurs at a much younger age for the girls, thus in my dreams they are always younger.
Is TALIA younger right now in another dimension and appears to everyone as they remember her best? I don't know. The only way to truly know is to go there, wherever "there" is and if you can communicate, then try to reach someone and let them know there is another place. I don't know.
I hope all of you are right even though I am skeptical. I miss my TALIA every day. -
Utopian Reformist
I thought since I was posting here today I would pass along a little update. By now, everyone knows I have returned to work. I am traveling on business to Bogota, Colombia tomorrow. I called Marina and asked if she could spend some time with me this evening, since after my trip to Colombia, I am off to europe for a few weeks and then off to California before I return home.
So, I will not physically see her for almost two months. In typical FULLER family behavior, Marina was required to ask permission of her JW grandparents if she could see me this evening (a JW meeting night). They told her they would let her know what their decision would be later today.
I cannot believe how far and how spiteful this family can be after all that they have done to my children. They distorted the minds of their own children raising them in a cult and in a dysfunctional family absent of real unconditional love, thus the children behave like materialistic pharisees bartering for everything in life and cannot interact with others without negotiating costs and benefits.
Thus, the grandchildren born into this family suffer similar effects. The FULLERS ruin their children, interfere in our crumbling marriage and damage our family, and now after taking what's left of our only financial resources, they even have the nerve to limit and controll access to my only child, who is being brainwashed by living in their home.
They interfered in the divorce case and swindled the home sale proceeds, they took possessions, they took my daughter, and they are still not satisfied. Well, I just wanted to rant for a few minutes and let off some steam. Hopefully, the weather will be nice during my travels and the sun will grant me solace for a few weeks.
Thx for allowing me to bend everyone's ear with another update from this saga.
MJB -
Sunspot
I am glad you were not offended by my post---I held my breath as I hit "submit" and now I am relieved. I certainly have no answers as far as these dreams and "where-they-are -now" goes, but I do know that it has brought me a measure of comfort...and I'm not gonna mess with that!
The only way to truly know is to go there, wherever "there" is I don't agree with you on this one, hon, at least when you still mentioned thoughts of suicide in your last post. I hope you don't connect Talia's peace with your unhappiness here without her, so that you convince yourself that you "should be there" with her......instead of being happy that she is at peace now, after the painful death she endured. She is showing you that she is doing okey-dokey, Daddy......and that you should too. Here. On this earth.
Don't you think that her peace would be shattered if she saw you purposely taking your own life, instead of keeping her memory ALIVE in your heart, and supporting Marina to do the same during these tough times? Marina has been through her own hell, and if and when she seems "distant"...this is HER reaction and how SHE is dealing with the still-fresh trauma that SHE endured.....
It is NOT a reflection on you or about you! Just think where Marina would be if you DID "decide" to join Talia.....what a horrible shock after the shock she has already been trying to face!!!! This is just NOT acceptable and flies in the face of all that is decent.....even though I know you are in pain and want this pain to stop. You CAN AND WILL get through to the next place in your life.....with growth, understanding and patience. Having good friends to share things with---doesn't hurt either!
I hope all of you are right even though I am skeptical. I miss my TALIA every day. I know that you do and understandably so......but please----honor Talia's dear and very cherished memory by making it your goal and resolve to DO IT FOR HER by keeping a sensible head and putting the future ahead of you...not the past which cannot BE changed. Take the trips, see the beauty in all the new things you may see, feel the sunshine, give hugs to the members of your family that you can, and accept the gifts of kindness offered to you from every corner......for Talia....because she is not here to do these things any more---and you are!!! Make it a LIVING tribute to her and to yourself to live the BEST and most "absorbing" life that you CAN!
love and hugs always.....
Annie
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daystar
{{{{Mario}}}}
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cruzanheart
Hey, Mario! Good to hear from you and that you are keeping busy. I think your dream is very healing. My husband had a dream about my dad a few months ago, in which Dad told him that he was happy and busy.
Have faith in Marina. She is still dealing with this tragedy and has probably completely stuffed it down because it isn't safe for her to express any feelings on the matter. Let her grow and realize what she wants from life and just be there for her when she needs you.
And don't let those evil people win! You stay alive, productive, healthy, and make a life for yourself! That's a gift for Talia right there, that her daddy triumphed over the worst possible tragedy and showed his fighting spirit. It will be a great example for Marina and will give the finger to those smug, self-righteous bastards who want to think badly of you.
Hugs,
Nina
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codeblue
(((Mario)))
How exciting to go to Columbia!!! I hope you have a wonderful time.
When you were talking about dreams, I have them about my Mom from time to time. I lost her to cancer when I was 14 and that was very traumatic experience for me. I loved her so much. Right after she died I started having dreams, that seemed "real". Like, I could hear her walking into my room and feel her sitting on my bed, they way she did before she died. I have had other dreams that she never died and was upset that she wasn't invited to me and my sisters weddings. I dream about being at home as a child.
I think these dreams help keep our loved ones alive. That's all I can figure out right now.
A Father's love for his daughter is very strong. Keep showing Marina that love, she is being brainwashed right now, but one day, it will all become clear to her. Love is powerful!
Please know that NOdenial and my thoughts are with you and have a wonderful trip!!!
Codeblue/NOdenial