What have been some of the funniest local needs talks that you have heard?

by DaPriest 62 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • pale.emperor

    There was a local needs over 10 years ago about how anal and oral sex is still sex and courting couples shouldn't be doing this. Cant remember what scriptures he pulled out of his ass to tell us this. But he kept on and on about anal sex and then remembering to add oral sex (as if it was a side note and that the anal bit was the issue).

    A week later my sister got married in a hotel instead of the KH. Never put the two together until years later.

  • stuckinarut2

    We had one about the duration and regularity of coffee breaks during witnessing mornings. The custom was to stop at 10:45 or so for 15 minutes. Nothing excessive.

    Apparantly Jehovah doesn't like people wasting time or some such garbage....

  • Done

    A few I remember:

    Brothers shouldn't wear long underwear to keep warm during winter field service. Wasn't fair to the sisters.

    Noone should own a gun for any reason. I had about 14, multiple brothers hunted .

    Annual local needs - if you don't have a 4 door car you're not spiritually minded. One young pioneer couple had a 2 door car. I only had a work truck.

    I'm sure I'll remember more

  • jp1692

    Sparrowdown: We had a local needs about not leaving big-ass meeting bags in the aisle because a mic-runner tripped over one during a fast paced WT study

    Well isn't that the core message of Christianity?

    • And this good news of the little-ass meeting bags must be preached in all the inhabited earth ..."
  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen




    I guess that's what's cults do to us...

  • label licker
    label licker

    Fill in circuit overseer who gave a local needs on recreation and now is not the time to be buying a house. Guess who went to PEI for a month's holiday and when he came back bought a house. Steve Rose, your an ass!!! He also had the label of hospital liason yet could never give a talk on blood fractions. People were asking to many questions about it so he got someone else to give a talk on blood fractions three times. You just can't make this shit up.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    All these local needs talks help me remember one we had. Where I lived in FL most of the brothers work in the construction trade. Somehow the visiting CO did not like how we dressed to go to work. Which was blue jeans T shirts and construction boots. He said in his talk we need to dress in business looking clothes. Clean slacks and shirt's. He did not mention ties. LOL. As Christians we need to look clean and neat at all times. All of us brothers just looked at each other like he was out of his mind. This is FL were it is 94 degrees with humidity in the upper 80's. All you do is sweat. It was impossible to stay clean. I would change my T shirt to a dry one 3 times a day because it was soak and wet with sweat. Hell has nothing over a FL summer. I guess he thought we built houses under glass domes that was air conditioned. Just shows how controlling the cult tries to be. Still Totally ADD

  • BluesBrother

    Dress was always a minefiel... Back in the day hearty suuppressed giggles when he said with gravitas that "sisters had been noticed at the meeting not wearing a bra beneath their top, "

  • tiki

    Reading these just reinforces how pathetic and inane those meetings were. I do recall...probably in the 80's there was a public talk outline on personal hygiene. Some moron came to our hall to deliver it in his shoddy grammar and wrinkled suit.....I recall stifling hysterical laughter the whole thing was so absurd. Like what idiot needs to be told to take a damn shower every so often.. Or to wipe your ass after you poop.

    Special needs....a blow job is indeed sex ..... No chewing gum at meetings....the big bag in the aisle one....one CO hated animals and was on some lunatic rant about some poor sister who blew off service with his royal highness because her pet was ill or hurt and she had an emergency vet appointment. Pets are taking time away from godly activities...get rid of Felix people....

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    .one CO hated animals and was on some lunatic rant about some poor sister who blew off

    hold it there----say no more.

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