What have been some of the funniest local needs talks that you have heard?

by DaPriest 62 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • DaPriest

    I remember once in Berlin South Germany there was a local needs part for the men only, and how they should use the toilet. In all seriousness for ten minutes a retarded Nigerian was going on about how men need to sit down when using the toilet. No mention of anything else.

    It transpired that some little Kraut boy from an "interested" family would aim for the side of the toilet and leave a great big puddle for others to clean up.

    Any other bizzaro stories?

  • scratchme1010

    No poop related stories, but the elders in my congregation were using that time to attack their own children. The local needs talk were about everything that the youth were supposed to be and do, and they were all related of exactly what was happening in the household of the elder giving the talk. Disgusting.

  • DaPriest

    I believe that the Naz... I mean Krauts have an issue with pissing like men, you know against the wall.

  • sparrowdown

    First off I'd like to say I don't think any particular nationality has the monopoly on the silliness of local needs talks nor has nationality got anything to do with it- just sayin.


    We had a local needs about not leaving big-ass meeting bags in the aisle because a mic-runner tripped over one during a fast paced WT study lol.

    No local needs about safeguarding your children against predators though.

    Well at least they got their priorities right.

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    Come to a complete stop when arriving at a stop sign, count ten seconds before you precede. The CO was adamant on this, he told the friends I worked with some of you in field service and you must come to a complete stop.He spoke about the time law enforcement went on strike(can not remember the city or country) but people went nuts, running stop lights.

  • schnell

    Not a funny story, but I pleaded with the special pioneer I mention from time to time to have someone deliver a local needs talk about exiting the KH driveway safely without nearly causing an accident. I told him I'd seen too many near misses and it reflected badly and it was dangerous.

    It didn't happen.

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    I'am sorry schnell, but friends burning rubber as they leave the KH, that's funny. The meeting ends at 1 am, 1:10am birds chirping not a sound around the KH. So much for brotherly love.

  • schnell

    Less burning rubber, more just dumb drivers pulling out in front of oncoming traffic.

  • rebel8

    Back in the early 1980s when they were disfellowshipping unbaptized people (which they called disassociating), we had a lot of special needs talks. Most of the 12-18 year olds in the congregation were disassociated within a few months' time.

    The announcements back then would be followed by a scripture reading about what they had done wrong. Imagine the sick &*(%$#@ing cultists announcing a 13 year old being ritually shunned for fornication!!! OMG! Then these were followed by a special needs talk about how girls needed to control themselves because they are like cows in heat and it is up to them to prevent sex blah blah blah.

    There were others about clothes, makeup and hairstyles. Boys who shaved their sideburns, wore skinny ties or spiked their hair were not allowed to carry the mikes. (This was the 1980s.)

    Girls who wore black pantyhose, straight skirts, skirts with slits, skirts that did not fully cover the kneecap--god they were focused on skirts!--lipstick, spiked hair, yadda yadda were unspiritual and bad association.

    Then there were the anti-college talks. The only acceptable future plans were full time service. Planning for anything less is not putting the imaginary bearded sky daddy first.

  • longgone

    Dogs. The CO actually lectured about how the Bible had " nothing good to say about dogs." He went on to point out several scriptures to back up his personal dislike for them. How ridiculous.

    Shoes. While staying with a family during one of his visits (free, nice meals included) he counted an excessive number of shoes in the sister's closet.

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