What have been some of the funniest local needs talks that you have heard?

by DaPriest 62 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    Geez. Yes, we had some ridiculous local needs talks where the ruling Pharisee's, excuse me I mean the glorious ones, the stars in Jesus' right hand, spoke to the congregation of their latest pronouncements ... colored shirts that some of the brothers were wearing! Some were wearing BLUE instead of white, it caused a big commotion for awhile, then it went away and tons of brothers were wearing blue shirts, green shirts, even the odd pink shirt!! the occasional black shirt!! oh my god!/Bhudda/Great Spirit, etc.!! And then suddenly, poof, it wasn't a big deal any more.

    Then we had other talks, I mean we had Great Spiritually Upbuilding Encouragement from our Brothers: we had a talk on proper dress and grooming and respect for Jehovah's household following a sister who wore a slipper to the meeting when she had a foot injury....

  • schnell

    Dogs. The CO actually lectured about how the Bible had " nothing good to say about dogs." He went on to point out several scriptures to back up his personal dislike for them. How ridiculous.

    Shoes. While staying with a family during one of his visits (free, nice meals included) he counted an excessive number of shoes in the sister's closet.

    Did this pleasant human being get a bag of dog crap on his doorstep at some point? Tell me it's so.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Having a "balanced view" of ones pets.

    Witnessing without a word...how our homes and vehicles are a reflection on the Organization. (given by a brother whose front yard looked like a pasture)

  • LongHairGal


    While I can't say it was funny, I remember a local needs talk that was harping on modesty of dress. I feel it was instigated by either an elder's wife or other older pioneer ladies who were annoyed at all the good-looking and stylish younger women who were in the hall at the time.


    Your story of the nosy CO who had the freakin' audacity to look in a woman's closet and make a remark about "too many" shoes really gets me. Who knows if he looked in her underwear drawer?

    If that's not an argument for never having these ingrates in your home, I don't know what is! This S.O.B. is getting a free ride and he's biting the hand that feeds him.

    If I were that sister, these men would never be allowed in my house again!..And, any monetary contributions to the religion would come to a screeching halt.

    With all these bad experiences, will Witnesses ever wake up?

  • ShirleyW

    Well, the whole talk wasn't about this, but I remember a brother adding to his talk that sisters shouldn't wear red shoes, I think this was after David Bowie's "Let's Dance" came out ("put on your red shoes and dance the blues")

    Also I remember a CO dropping into one of his talks that brothers shouldn't watch football . . . well, ya' just know all the brothers immediately stopped watching football after they heard that don't you! Bet they haven't seen a game since that talk, and that was around the time I was in Junior HIgh School in the 70's.

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    In a predominate black congregation, brothers should think about shaving their mustaches and this is why, (before the big one came in 1975). Brother when 1975 arrive and the big one comes, the Angeles may not be able to distinguish you from those that will be set on fire..I was new and I didn't shave my mustache, but 95% of the brother followed the advice. By the time 1976 rolled around, 95% of brothers sported mustaches... Just think about it, if the Angeles can't figure out who are to be saved because of a mustaches they are some dumb creatures.

  • tepidpoultry

    In -40 degree!!! weather (yes in the north)

    These idiots (excuse me) wise shepherds

    Decided that sisters could NOT wear slacks in ministry


    You know there were many times (if my wife came with me)

    That I would've walked out on these clowns

    This would have been one of those times


  • dubstepped

    Not a local needs talk, but during the announcements one young married ex-Bethelite brother with a flair for the dramatic (or just an arrogant prick) got up with a special announcement. Sisters, apparently we're having an issue with the plumbing due to some sisters flushing sanitary napkins. With a dramatic arm flair he raised up a hand holding paper towels, and the sisters died laughing while his wife was mortified and turned bright red. He was such an asshat. Couldn't have happened to a better person.

  • stuckinarut2

    Ah yep...a talk about how adults who do correspondence courses to pursue higher education are just "bored housewives who should be spending more time out witnessing..."

  • tepidpoultry

    This was a demo at a Circuit AssemblyTM

    Elders were boosting the idea of going in serviceTM after the

    evening meeting

    One elder is relating his experience to the others:

    "So after some organizing we made out after the meeting

    And hit some Strip Joints" (he meant to say strip MALLS I think)


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