What have been some of the funniest local needs talks that you have heard?

by DaPriest 62 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • tepidpoultry

    Re berrygerry

    The context of this story is important as

    the fact the police were on strike has little bearing

    In Montreal there was rioting EVERY year during the Stanley Cup


    It's a tradition


  • ssn587

    We had an assist elder give a talk about it onwning guns, he tried to use me as an example as I was MS at the time, and asked brother ssn587 you don't have any guns in the housedo you? I smiled and said only 21 between pistols, recovers, shot guns and rifles, he was stunned couldn't speak for almost a minute then just walked off the stage, it was all I could do not to laugh out loud.

  • StephaneLaliberte

    There was a sister and a brother that were reproved and right after the announcement, they had this local need talk about "threesomes".


  • Magwitch
    There was a sister and a brother that were reproved and right after the announcement, they had this local need talk about "threesomes".
    Thanks for starting my Thursday with a hearty laugh ...
  • StephaneLaliberte

    A talk where they said that jewelry around the ankle was a worldly fade for lesbians.

  • slimboyfat

    Meeting parts were not often funny, more often extremely boring.

    I guess boring could combine with unintentionally ironic sometimes. Like the local needs talks telling us to improve our meeting attendance, directed of course at the JWs who were not in attendance to hear the talk in the first place.

  • Lostandfound


    yes, often I sat wondering if the missing ones could telepathically hear the appeals for 100% meeting attendance, as they sat at home in front of the TV. Irony personified

  • pale.emperor

    Three i remember:

    1 - "Lord Of The Rings... if you only knew, brothers, the satanism and demonic influence that is rife in that movie".

    2 - "There's a popular band out there called Oasis. They swear on stage, the spit on stage... they're not for christians brothers. Why not listen to our Kingdom songs instead?"

    (While we're on the subject, they're not supposed to openly name movies or bands are they?)

    3 - One C.O. tried to ban the brothers from going to pubs. Liking them to a cesspit of immorality and akin to Sodom and Gomorrah. (I dont know what pubs he's been to but I'd love to go there!) Needless to say, the majority of the congregation thought he was a total nut and took no notice. Even the elders thought he was crazy. There were a few sisters that thought he was "the best speaker ever" and took supported his pub ban.

  • dbq407

    We had one on limiting comments to 30 sec or less. And that elder would weekly remind people before the commenting started. If it went over 30 sec. you could see him start to get angry.

  • millie210

    Lets see.....

    a talk on NOT wearing jeans skirts. (akin to wearing pants to the elders)

    a talk on giving gas money to your driver out in field service.

    a talk on NOT parking near the door of the K.H. (park far away)

    a talk on not wearing red dresses on the platform. (yes, really).

    and the all time hit - do NOT change out the toilet paper in the restrooms! Apparently one got dropped in a toilet!!!

    So call an attendant and he will take care of "the matter".

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