I need advice quick...and a hug.

by dmouse 95 Replies latest jw friends

  • termite 35
    termite 35

    (((Dean))) I hope things are calmer now...you'v e had so much good advice- I think too, that you should stay in the house...

    As for your wife, she probably panicked at the thought of another of her children not wanting to follow the course she's planned and hoped for them in her mind..(remember that she thinks their eternal life is at stake here...we probably all acted irrationally at some stage when we were 'in')

    But I hope she'll realise that the way she behaves was wrong- and calm down when future disapointments come up.... the comment about advice she may be getting is spot on...I used to recieve advice on how to 'get rid of' my husband all the time...my 'rights ' etc - even offers of help from the congregatin as a whole- offers of financial, emotional and legal support.she'll have had them too....

    im going through similar stuff at the moment, though without the jw twist now-if you want to pm or email- please do...

  • outbutnotdown
    outbutnotdown

    The interesting thing is that her PERCEPTION is that you should just up and leave, even though she is the one who is IRRATIONAL. Keep your head and stay calm. The fact that she doesn't realize how crazy she is being is scary....(Not surprising, but still scary). Sounds like she wouldn't hesitate to pull a fast one on you.

    YOUR situation is far more important than being at school tomorrow, (although it is honourable of you to think of your students at a time like this.) If she is talking to a lawyer tomorrow, then I think it is imperative that you do too.

    Remember that the rest of the world realizes how WACKO the dubs are, but you need to make sure you are on an even playing field with her or you may not have a fair shot at showing what is happening to your kids when they are under her influence.

    Also, remember that she doesn't really KNOW the damage that she is doing either. Try to remember that. You can't expect her to be fair. Fairness is not in the JW dictionary, when it comes to "SAVING" the children. They only think that they have to keep the kids as JW's to help them. All the REALLY good stuff we do as parents falls by the wayside.

    Take care, Brad

  • wednesday
    wednesday

    dean,

    i respect your dedication to your job, but the mother of your children is about to hit u hard. Once the jw lawyer gets a hold of this, it will be harder. u may come home tomorrow to find u are locked out of your home.u may not see your kids for quite a while, at least until your lawyer can get it straightend out. Shei s likely to lie abut u and say all sorts stuff that is untrue. jw's are nasty bunch in court.

  • LittleToe
    LittleToe

    Talk about bad timing. OFSTED inspections are stressful at the best of times

  • sunshineToo
    sunshineToo

    Dean, have you contacted a lawyer? She will get a free legal service from the WTS. You need to take care of your side now. You've got to take a day off and try to sort these out.

    I really hate when jw destries another family.

  • Valis
    Valis

    dmouse...man so sorry...chin up matey and stick up for yourself!..please take care of yourself and the kids man. Best wished and good thoughts from the Texas Branch.

    Travis

  • Inquiry
    Inquiry

    (((((((Dean)))))))

    OOPS... didn't read all of the posts... but here's my two cents worth... I think you should take the opportunity to get advice ASAP! Don't delay Dean... it will cost you big time.. your wife has already declared her intentions... and if you don't do something soon, she's gonna screw you over big time...

    I'll leave my comments below... in case there's something of value there...

    *** My wife got really angry. She was screaming and shouting at Charlotte, physically forcing her to get changed for the meeting, and shouting at me for 'killing the children' and how much of a bad father I was and she hated me. ***

    Well, this is abuse... it's abuse of the children and of you in front of the children... she is the one who is unreasonable.. and it's my guess that she's getting advice on the matter outside of the home....

    ***Eventually I could see that Charlotte was getting really distressed so I stepped in and told my wife that it was OK to take Cahrlotte to the meetings if she could be pursuaded through normal means but I was not going to allow her to be bullied, either through emotional blackmail or physical intervention. ***

    You were protecting your children, and you need to make sure that someone in a position of authority outside of your marriage knows this and soon (I suggest child protection services)... you are already behind the 8 ball in WT terms... which means... your wife and her elders have been working on this problem already.

    ***My wife went ballistic and told me that if I didn't back down she would take legel action against me! She told me she had been recording things, writing them down!! (I don't know what). She was going to get me kicked out of the house.***

    I don't want to sound alarmist... but, you are way behind in protecting your interests and the interests of your children... Your wife is practicing "theocratic warfare".. and it's obvious she has the society already behind her... she's already following instructions.. .and you... are out in left field still... have no doubt... you need to protect yourself and your children, or you are going to lose, big time.... talk to a lawyer as soon as possible... this is way past where you think it is...beleive me... I've seen this sooo many times...

    ***I stayed as calm as I could for the kids, I didn't even raise my voice even though my wife was screaming at me. ***

    Record every detail of this incident and others you can remember clearly... Detail abuse at the hands of the elders, and any interference they have had with you, your wife and your children... Concentrate on threats to your family stability, your marriage and you as an individual.

    ***But I stuck to my guns and said that I would not let her force the children to go to a place they hated day after day week after week.***

    Make sure child protective services is aware of that... the children will confirm this for you...

    ***So she grabbed the girls, who were sobbing, and left in the car. Charlotte didn't even have any shoes on... ***

    ***She has gone over the deep end here.. she has lost the ability to provide for the basic needs of her children... child protective services needs to know this...***

    Please don't delay in helping yourself here... too many people have left it too long, thinking there's no way their spouse would ever betray them that way and they lost big time... you don't have to lose... do something and do it fast... I hope it all works out for you and your kids...but it won't if you don't do something now...

    Just my two...

    Inq

    edited because I didn't read all the posts first...

  • Panda
    Panda

    Dean, She has already shown that she will put her children in danger rather than let them leave JWs. I mean heck your daughter wasn't even dressed! If modest attire is part of her religion then she has forgotten that too.

    If you make an appointment with a marriage councelor, then keep that appointment even if the wife doesn't attend, you will have proof that you did, and maybe you'll get some good counsel there.

    You're reaction was fantastic! I am proud the way you kept hold of the emotions to yell. Your children must also have noticed. Continue to be supportive of the kids. Show your wife that you could also be protective of her if she'd just let you.

    Hugs to you brother, Panda

  • Panda
    Panda

    Dean, I understand the school board thing (as will a judge) but You should call a lawyer sometime tomorrow. Possibley explain the the urgency of your situation and ask if you could write out something for the lawyer to use in filing against your wife? I have no idea what your laws are but you'll need representation ASAP.

  • somebody
    somebody

    DMouse,

    I'm sorry that you have to go through this, and have to watch your children go through this, but my advice goes with others. Do not leave or move out yet. Find a lawyer forst thing you can tomorrow morning. Most give free consultations and explain the reason why you wife wants you to leave. And ask your lawyer what your legal rights are as far as staying there after your wife requested that you leave. I don't think you HAVE to leave just because she asked you to. Ask your lawyer if he is familiar with separations with JWs too. If he or she isn't, they may be able to refer you to one who does. AND PLEASE print out the WBTS's publication on preparing for Child custody cases and give it to your lawyer too. It is very important, because the WBTS basically tell the child NOT to let on that they are discouraged from associating with peers at school, sports, and also give the impression that they aren't encouraged to pioneer for the WBTS Inc.when they graduate from high school.. I believe it is on Kent's site and/ or board or Randy's site. There is a lot of information every lawyer who is handling child custody cases involving JWs, even if it's tempory custody should be made aware of. If you can't find it, PM or e-mail me and I'll e-mail it to you.

    Once you leave/move out, I think that can change things legally....so please tell your wife you are staying till you find someplace to go, and see a lawyer ASAP.

    peace, (and praying things get better for you and your children),

    gwen

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