Dean I'm so sorry...Been there buddy and it hurts like hell.
You are my hero for the excellent stand you made, you took the high road and believe me the kids are aware of it. Sounds to me like your predicament is worse than mine.....I'm not sure what she could mean about taped conversations......It may sound scary but under certain circumstances the elders will back her for seperation or divorce on the grounds of spiritual endangerment...but you seem to be willing to let the kids go to the synagogue with her if they want.
I'll keep bumping you to the top buddy and maybe someone can offer better solice and encouragement than me.
Phew! The car is outside her mother's (five minutes walk away) so at least I know they are somewhere safe.
Scully, I suggested to my wife about seeing a professional marriage counselor a few months ago but she didn't seem keen. She said she would think about it but we never mentioned it again. You know what JWs feel about such agencies; regular meeting attendance, field service and study solve ALL problems.
I agree with Minimus that she is terrified that she is losing control over the children. To her mind, it reflects on her own inadequacy to "bring them up in the discipline and mental regulating of Jehovah". Rather than admitting her own inadequacy or even worse to her way of thinking the inadequacy of the JW belief system to retain its youth, she chooses to use you as a scapegoat.
I think that's it, yes. Things were never the same between us after Ben left the religion. That was the turning point when our relationship just sort of stopped. I tried for ages to carry on with a normal marriage but she turned utterly cold towards me. No physical or emotional affection at all has been expressed towards me by her since about a year last Christmas.
It's Sunday, so I can't take any legal advice today.
I'm hoping that it won't come to that and it'll all blow over. I can hope can't I?
Wonder if I'll get a visit from the elders? I wonder what they will advise her?
Dean I don't know about the laws in England but in Canada if your name is on the house papers she can't have you thrown out. Check with a lawyer. Some places have a free legal info line. Check your phone book. Odd as it sounds try calling a women's shelter. They might be helpful.
Also at the ages of the children they might be given a choice of which parent they want to live with. Here a child over the age of 14 gets to choose. So don't worry about what she might have on you. The incident today was clearly abusive.
Be strong and loving with the children. You have rights. Find out what they are and use them to the full to protect yourself and the children
I can't imagine my mom dragging me out of the house like that to make a meeting. But if you want your kids out of the dubs then mom has helped your side. You were behaving as a "christian" should behave, it sounds like, and what was she behaving like? Someone insane?
I think you and your wife need to meet with a counsellor from Family Services / Child Welfare (or whatever the official agency is in your area).
I suspect she's only going to be willing to meet with elders. After all we all know how well elders are educated.
Wonder if I'll get a visit from the elders? I wonder what they will advise her?
I would think they'll advise her to respect Jehovahs headship arrangement right?
This would be an interesting visit from the elders. You know the rules and they know you know them. The most they could say is if you were more spiritual your wife would respect you and the arrangment more.
She blew it bigtime. Are you having serious thoughts of divorce?
Wow, Dmouse, I'm so sorry you and your children are experiencing such abuse. Hats off to you for taking the high road!
It seems that your wife has already been preparing herself for a divorce (?) so I can't agree enough with the others who have advised you to seek legal counsel A.S.A.P. You just might be in for the fight of your life.
(((((Hugs))))) I'm glad to hear they are safe at her mothers. - at least she didn't head to the hall. I don't know if you posted it before, but is her mom a JW?
I second Lady Lee's excellent advice. The laws in the U.S. are similar. To protect yourself, and the children, consulting with a lawyer would be a great idea. You need to know what your rights are.
As for the elders, they almost certainly will visit you to "encourage" you. When that happens take control and do not let them pepper you with questions. Over here the Witnesses are scared of media attention, so perhaps a well chosen word or two about going to the media might cause them to back off.
I'm very sorry you're going through this Dean. Your wife should not put her children in a situation where they must choose between the two of you. If possible give Charlotte an avenue to talk to you and express how she's feeling. Give them support as they must be terribly frightened right now.
Best advice ever given to me was this: >breathe in< >breathe out<
You know, happy, content persons do not act like that. Content persons simply do not go around screaming and threatening. Your wife is extremely unhappy. The question is, "why"? Do you think being in the borg has anything to do with it?
In retrospect, I can see where I myself was pretty lunatic at times due to the pressures of trying to be a good little JW.
I really don't have any sage advice; I will leave that to those here who excel at that.
