I'm getting baptized

by BlackWolf 150 Replies latest jw friends

  • talesin

    BW - one day at a time. Take a deep breath. Part of being awake to reality, is accepting situations and then figuring out your best course of action. Try to minimize the drama, and your anxiety will lessen.

    < breathe in > <breathe out >

    You live in Florida, you need to stay home until you are 18 for financial reasons, if no other. There is little or no gov't support in Florida, if you are sick or young and homeless - the state of FLA does not care.

    Do what you need to do to maintain. Take free online courses, get another job, a secret bank account. You have 2 years to plan your escape! If you have to get dunked in order to maintain your parents' financial support, so be it.

    The worst thing the JWS does, imho, to the the born-ins, is that they rob us of our ability to see a future - 5 years, 10, 50 years down the road. You can have a good life, with or without your family. Begin preparations for an amazing life - now. xx

  • Doubting Bro
    Doubting Bro

    That's great advice Talesin! DW - the unfortunate reality of being a minor in a cult is that your parents likely will put the cult over you. It's their cult personality that is blinding them. I'm sure deep down they are good people who think pushing you into baptism is the right thing to do.

    This is a marathon not a sprint. Yes, the next few years will suck as you try to keep the peace but as Talesin said, focus on the future.

    The other reality that you'll likely need to face is that your parents will likely shun you the same whether you get baptized and leave or if you simply don't get baptized and leave. There's a chance they would get over it in time if you don't get baptized but you should prepare yourself for that reality.

  • talesin

    Doubting Bro, thanks. I was in the exact same situation at 16. We have the internet now, and so happy to be able to share my POV, 40+ years later.  Maybe help someone else.

    Ditto to your 'other reality'. The org is getting worse all the time with their shunning policies, and if we are from a strict JW family, chances are that faders will be shunned.

  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen

    Wow, it sucks to be in that position :-( It breaks my heart a bit...

    However, big kudos to you for talking to your mom and standing up for yourself! Well done! Learning to make your own decisions, and learning to say no are most important when growing up. You took some steps there!

    I know you probably just need a hearing ear on here, but hey, I am guy so I only try to offer solutions ;-)

    Is there a nice older and wiser sister you're a bit close with, whom you can tell the 'I feel pressured' part of the story?

    And I'm wondering where the whole dedication to Jehovah in prayer is in this story. Do your parents think you've already dedicated your life to Jehovah? If not, you can try to reason with them:
    "Baptism comes after dedication. It's a very personal decision. Right now I feel pressured into hurrying to make the most important decision of my life because convention is in 6 weeks and grandma is coming. I don't feel that's fair. I want my dedication to Jehovah to be something special, and right now it feels like its just another appointment on your schedule to keep. I don't want it to be like that. I will get baptised, but when I am ready."
  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen
    Talesin, great advice! It takes the angle out of the current pain, and shows hope for the near future!
  • cofty

    Do the baptism questions but do your best to fail. Be vague about important questions. Eventually the elder will enquire if you really think you are ready. Tell him you are not sure that you are, but in strict confidence your parents are pushing you hard to get baptised.

    He will be obliged to decide that you are not ready yet and you have bought yourself another year. Your parents will blame the elder. Win-win.

  • dubstepped

    Damn, you're discouraged from telling anyone before making it through the questions first and your mom is already spreading the word. Granny hasn't come yet and will be out nothing if you change your mind now. Your mom is just using that as leverage.

    In the end, do what you have to in order to make it through. Your parents will shun you eventually regardless. Like my parents and those of many other JWs, they only love you as a JW. The religion is the basis, the beginning and end. It is always in the middle.

    In the end you don't have to get dunked. Nobody can physically force you. It's all a matter of which consequences you want to face. Again, you've been put in an unfair place like so many other young ones.

  • Island Man
    Island Man

    Thank you all for your advice. I know you mean well but its too late to go back now, I've already told them I'm going to do it.

    No, it's not too late. You have to go through questions with the elders. You can just flunk the questions so that the elders say you're not ready yet. Better yet, you can make it known to the elders that you're only getting baptized to please your parents because they're pressuring you. Then the elders will say you're not qualified and you'll be off the hook. Your parents can't blame you if you fail to qualify due to the fact that they are the ones pushing and pressuring you.

  • KiddingMe

    When they ask you why, can you say that you just dont feel ready yet.. without going into detail? Keep saying, "i just dont feel ready yet" no matter the question they ask or what they say. You have a right to feel this way. Can you say, you dont know exactly why you feel this way but you just dont feel ready yet? Maybe you can say you feel overwhelmed and want to do it for the right reasons, not just because everyone else thinks you should or grandma is planning to come.

    Maybe say you hate to disappoint grandma and feel even worse now that they told her.

    Redirect the guilt on them for making you feel guilty. Keep saying things like, I feel so bad for not getting baptized right away but I just dont feel ready yet. I feel so bad for disappointing grandma but I just dont feel ready yet. I feel like I am disappointing everyone and all of this is confusing you. Repeat this theme to any that question you.

    Maybe tell them you prayed to Jah and hope he understands what you are going through.

    Hopefully it will sink in to them or the elders.

  • HBH

    Black Wolf, if you want out, there has to be a way. I've seen folks ban together here to help people.

    I'm no expert, but even if social services are inadequate, there has to be someone here that can help with a go fund me page or something, maybe get a lawyer or whatever to get you out. You'll have to step up and want it though, and deal with all the pain now instead of later if you get baptized.

    You say if you drop "the bomb" they will treat you as evil. If they do, that could be considered child abuse and a way out too.

    I agree, fail the questions to buy you time......misunderstand the faithful slave issue.


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