My wife’s and I meeting with two elders. Their true colors shine through…

by Winston Smith :>D 97 Replies latest jw experiences

  • xjw_b12

    Winston. Some day you'll be able to show Mrs Winston this thread.

    Until then I concur with others, that attending meetings with your wife (when you're not taking her out to a movie, the theatre, restaurant, walks in the park.....hell, even shopping at the mall) may be a good idea. While I was on the drift out, I would use material that was covered at the meetings, to discuss with my wife, and ask her questions, to help her see, what I was feeling, and get her thought process going.

    I know after your post "my first meeting as an apostate"

    that it can become quite painful to sit there and listen to that drivel. But it could be useful for you as a tool for reasoning with Mrs Winston. She will be encouraged by the fact that you are there with her. ( if only for appearances sake to the rest of the congregation....and how sad is that) And you will be able to keep track of what is being said and implied to you and her.

    It will likely now be known that your wife is "ill", and of course everyone will blame that on your "weak spiritual condition".

    I doubt your congregation is any different from my old one, therefore the following most likely will happen. You and your wife will be seen as making an attempt to be regular in meeting attendance. You may make an occasionnal foray into Field Service. But because the gossip mongers have already flooded the grapevine with stories about you (questioning the organization)and your wife, (depression) you will slowly notice, the change in attitude towards you both.

    This will frustrate your wife, because you are after all making an effort to be "more spiritually minded", and she will start to notice the "lack of love", that you now know is false and conditional.

    This is the way it played out for my wife and myself, until one night she announced " I am never going back there again "

    We never did.

    To borrow a phrase I read somewhere once.......... "Fight the Fine Fight"

    xjw_b12 "Proud member of the Winston Smith Cheering Section"

  • cruzanheart

    And if you do go with your wife to the occasional meetings (because she really needs her rest, you know), make sure you get there late or just as it's starting, and leave the instant the last "Amen" sounds. That minimizes conversation and should take some pressure off her to put on a good face. Whisper the words "ice cream" in her ear before the last prayer. Everybody needs a reward for doing something hard!


  • Odrade

    Also, you may find as you attend with her, it lessens her need to go to every meeting. I know when I was still struggling to be a good Dub, I would get so upset when pater wouldn't go. Sometimes I would go alone just to prove a point and also to try and guilt him into going. When he decided to make his last ditch effort to attend in spite of his doctrinal doubts, and his dislike for the descending hordes of preachy elders, I found myself as often as not balking at attending. The burden was then off my shoulders to try and "encourage" him. Whether or not I attended was finally all about me, not him. Finally I was able to also admit how much I hated all of it.


  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Smithy. Thank gawd youre back and telling us another great narative in your saga.Im afraid you are beyond repair as far as the org goes. Its just a shame that the stinking organization has to tear your family apart in the process. Welcome to the nightmare brother. I just hope you really do get some professional therapy for your wife.People who talk about suicide often go through with it. Find a psychiatrist whose dealt with cult members before.

  • William Penwell
    William Penwell

    What everyone seems to not understand here is that the elders are not there to help the individual. From their Elders manual, " "Pay Attention To Yourselves and to All the Flock", under the heading, "Ruling for Justice Itself":

    'Ruling for Justice Itself'

    Jehovah, as a loving Shepherd, has directed overseers to
    "rule as princes for justice itself." ( Isa. 32:1, 2 ) Since Jehovah
    God is holy, he requires that all those who worship him be
    spiritually and morally clean. ( I Pet. 1:14-16) As appointed
    overseers, you have a large part in safeguarding the cleanness
    of the congregation.

    Protective care is a basic idea embraced in the word "over-
    seer" (e.pi'sko.pos), which carries also the thought of one who
    watches over, a guardian, a shepherd of the flock. You have
    the responsibility to cultivate in the hearts of the brothers a
    love for what is good and a hatred for what is bad, wicked.
    (Rom. 12:9) By holding to God's Word and by effectively
    using the art of teaching, you will be able to help your
    brothers not only to understand what is right and what is
    wrong but also to have an active part in keeping the congre-
    gation clean and chaste for public service to Jehovah.

    Like how they word "you will be able to help your brothers not only to understand what is right and what is wrong". So there is no provisions in the case of your wife to help her out emotionally, its my way or the highway attitude. They want to "readjust" your way of thinking to their way of thinking. If you don't accept it, you are correct that it is only a matter of time before they call you in to DF you.


  • termite 35
    termite 35

    I spent many years going over and over issues like this with them-but I had no help at SO glad your wife has you there; I hope you find the help your wife needs and she manages to cope with it all...their arrogence is staggering-is'nt it?

    much love to you both x

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    What a sad and twisted scenario by these inexperienced elders. But then again, what are we to expect from inexperience people? I'm with Nathan Nates on his comments. Your doing the right thing, stay the course. I wish you all the best and give her my regards.

    Guest 77

  • NoMoreMeetings


    1-800-WHY-1914 is a help line provided by BRCI for the past 18 years, and is answered by a counselor.

    You may find some of the information very helpful.

    Check out


  • JT

    What a sad and twisted scenario by these inexperienced elders


    could you share with us what an "Experienced Elder aka C&CM is"

  • Stan Conroy
    Stan Conroy
    Babbling from both of the WTS chimps.

    That pretty much says it all.

    My friend's mother underwent a similar situation. She was hospitalized for mental illness, and when the chimps came to visit her, they suggested that she do more reading of WT literature. Now it just so happens that her delusions were all of a religious nature, so how exactly would feeding on more of this BS help her? May as well perscribe Crown Royal to an alcoholic to help him cure his disease.

    To make a long story short, her son (my friend) helped her to see the error of the WT and she is now free and healthy.

    I wish the same for your wife, Winston, however it is achieved.


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