My wife’s and I meeting with two elders. Their true colors shine through…

by Winston Smith :>D 97 Replies latest jw experiences

  • shotgun

    Winston my friend as you see from the long list of well wishers and supporters you are not alone.

    Your struggle and fight is one many on the forum has faced and won. Sometimes I feel like giving up, that maybe the fight to save my family is hopeless and not worth the effort. Then I think cheezes, I'd die for them tomorrow if need be but I'm throwing in the towel after several months of heartbreak. It took years to indoctrinate me and my family and patience is what's needed in my present situation and most likely yours as well.

    It sure is hard not smack them upside their head when they look dumbfounded over basic teachings but an exjw elder shared with me the revelation that the elders are often scared...Can you believe it...scared of what they can't understand or explain which amounts to a hell of alot when it comes to WTBTS teachings. I hate it when people ask me things I don't know especially when in reality I should know it. That is the predicament they are placed in...I think your doing outstanding in your conversations with them.....theocratic warfare, question their questions and express your disbeliefs as doubts. I hoped for lights to turn on for the elders when I spoke to them as you mentioned but so far its been nada...unless they entertain ideas secretly which I'm sure most do.

    I have found the bible to be the only book they will look into when I have met with them so it pays to be well prepared on a couple different topics. I'm not sure about taping them, I had thougfht about buying a digital recorder as they are silent record for hours. I think they record in MP3 format so it would make it easy to download as well.

    I have taken notes from all the elders meeting so far...not during the meeting as I don't think they would go for that but after. Its not to late for you to do that either. Its a way to look back over the discussions and use that information when you meet again later.

    Your doing great so far...

    shotgun from the crucified by family class

  • wednesday


    The most important thing is what several have said, DO NOT agree to meet with them at the KH. If u feel u owe them a meeting(which u do not) then do it at your home or a neutral place. they are definitely after u. U could keep putting them off by saying your wife is too ill at present and u cannot leave her. I really liked the way u handle yourself, and your love for your wife really comes through.If u are careful and watch your steps, they will not be able to trip u up. U know they have support groups for depression and perhaps the psychiatrist or therapist can help u find one. U can hope it is on a meeting night. Another thing, have u been able to talk with the therapit about the WTS and how they have treated your wife? Maybe they wouold should know.

    Please keep us informed. How lucky your wife is to have u. I like your spirit.


  • garybuss

    Winston, Am I reading right that your wife is still a believing JW? If she is, that's your focus, not the JW elders. If she has more to gain by going with them and dispensing with you, that's what she will do. You need to give her more to gain by staying with you and sharing a living philosophy with you than leaving you and going with them.

    I'm not aware of any success stories told by people who dispensed with their own principles. Maybe there are some and I just missed them. This is most likely a family issue. Either you have a united family or a divided family. If you have a united family, the decision is easy and clear. Move the family into a friendly, healthy, supportive environment so there is room to grow and prosper.

    If you have a divided family, the decision is easy and clear also. Do everything possible to unite the family and move the family into a friendly, healthy, supportive environment so there is room to grow and prosper. Negotiating with agents of the problem seems counterproductive. Identify the problem and make a plan to eliminate the problem. Work the plan.

    Vacations worked well for some of us. Witnesses seem to "unhook" after 21 days away from their resetting. Resetting is done by meetings, proselytizing, private reading of group produced literature, and talking with other members. Go to the mountains without a phone for three weeks and then both go to marriage counseling with a qualified secular counselor experienced in working with victims of high control groups. If there are children, do family counseling too.

    Sometimes radicle problems require radicle solutions. Some of us played out three plans and showed those to our spouses and discussed those plans with a counselor. The counselor closed for commitments to healthy behaviors and expanded on those.

    I am not going to be a Jehovah's Witness and I am not going to live with one . . . . very long . . . . A Witness spouse is having an affair and when she goes to group meetings alone, she is meeting her lover. That's a good way to approach it in counseling.

    If there are minor children involved those need priority attention and they may need exit counseling soon to ensure they do not return to the group later or to ensure they are not wanting to stay. That needs to be moved to near the top of the list. The exit counseling could be critical if there is illness or a medical emergency requiring blood products medical treatment.

    If you have not been through exit counseling yourself, I strongly suggest you make that a priority. It will remove much of the emotion I read in your last post and will help you objectify your experience so you can make some pragmatic decisions.

    Just my thoughts after reading a short post. Best wishes for a good result. GaryB

  • 95stormfront


    YOu're literally "beating them to death" with their own literature and double talk...their arrogance refuses to let them see it. I'm sure you understand that you're basically in a "no win scenario" with these clowns. Hopefully you can claim at least a partial victory getting your wife out and get revenge by living a happy and productive life in spite of them.

  • czarofmischief

    Unebelivable story!

    I'm proud of you! Stand up to those wannabe "judges" and false "shepherds."

    Take care of your wife. She is your best friend - and you are hers. You are doing well. The hardest is yet to come. Be strong, man.


  • Special K
    Special K

    Hey winston

    so glad to hear that your wife is getting the proper help with a therapist, psychiatrists and appropriate medication.

    You certainly demonstrate to me that you truly love your wife far more than Jehovahs so called organization.

    I agree that at that last meeting at the kingdom hall you were AMBUSHED.

    It seems that whenever there is more than one elder involved there sometimes begins this pissing match between the two elders. Do you suppose each one tries to impress the other with there interrogation tactics and aggressive questioning. Each one pretending to know more than the other, etc.

    It all sounded like such unhumane treatment to me.

    There wasn't one good bit of consoltation to what your going through. No listening ear. No caring hand on the shoulder. No empathetic words or encouragement as to you or your wife and what your going through.

    Here you are, a man going through a hard time. A man supporting his wife anyway that he can and all they want to do is "whack you".

    You must feel so frustrated at them. so let down. I would feel very hurt to be treated in the way that they have treated you.

    I shake my head because it leaves me at a loss for words.

    From reading all the posts, You have received more kind words, care, and support from suppposed "apostates" on this forum than you ever did from Jehovah's so called organization.

    That is very sad for a group of elders and people who claim to be gods chosen people.

    I admire your fortitude through all of this. You must be a patient man, but then again I know your patience possibly comes because you wish to win over your wife from this "crooked religion".

    thinking of you as you continue

    Special K

  • Winston Smith :>D
    Winston Smith :>D

    Did you just luck into that psychiatrist or was he recommended?


    Recommended by the therapist. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better!


    Hugs to you for being such a wonderful and supportive husband.

    Thx Mulan. I’m trying my best to balance things out.


    Your doing great so far


    Thx shotgun. You kick ass! One day we will get together over a pint…. or two…or maybe more


    Another thing, have u been able to talk with the therapit about the WTS and how they have treated your wife? Maybe they wouold should know.


    I want to address that delicately without speeding up or altering the method that the doctors are using to help her. Right now they are getting to know her and I feel my wife is benefiting from these visits so there is no need to rock the boat yet. Once she is more stable, I will talk to the doctors about the WTS, guaranteed. I think the psychiatrist would be an excellent candidate in this regard, although the therapist should know too.



    Thx for your insights. You had some valuable, straightforward tactics listed that I really appreciated. BTW, yes, she is still an active JW [although we miss at least one or two meetings a week now] and we have no kids.

    I see the benefit of uniting and then going to a healthy environment. Plus, the vacation idea would be great to do. I know that would help.

    I rec’d Steve Hassan’s book, ‘Releasing the Bonds’, which I understand will address exit counseling. I will read that before CoC, because it may help me get her out of the Borg. Plus, I want to talk to the psychiatrist, as I am betting than he can help with exit counseling. He knows much more about the WTS than I believe he is letting on to.


    get revenge by living a happy and productive life in spite of them.


    While physical pranks or tactics are fun to kick around, I believe that your words have merit. It really is the best revenge, to show that we can be happier out of the Borg than in. It takes the ammo away from the naysayers and leaves them powerless to substantiate saying anything bad about our exit.


    She is your best friend


    Yes, we are the best friends that each other has EVER had in our lives. Thx!


    You have received more kind words, care, and support from suppposed "apostates" on this forum than you ever did from Jehovah's so called organization.

    Special K

    Yes, in seeing this myself, it empowers me to make my next step. I have no doubt that I am right about the WTS. If I am wrong, then kill at the Big ‘A’, ‘cause I don’t want to live forever on an earth filled with people like these elders.

    I hope some day I can show her these posts so that she can see the stark contrast of love in the world in contrast to the fear-mongering love that drives the Borg.


    Thx for all of the support,


  • jgnat


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