My wife’s and I meeting with two elders. Their true colors shine through…

by Winston Smith :>D 97 Replies latest jw experiences

  • outnfree

    ((((Winston and wife))))

    Horrible! and horrifying!!!!

    This is one of the reasons I left, too. Yes, I knew about the dates and that was disturbing, but really the clincher was the 17 pages of WT and Awake! articles handed to me at my last shepherding call advising me how I could be a good, submissive wife while keeping my children engaged in the religion as the spiritual head of the household. This while the brothers ignored that my son was diagnosed with depression, my daughter had overdosed recently and I, myself, was so weary that I could not stand to attend another Friday afternoon at a convention where the "successful youth" were held up to be emulated without crying my eyes out.

    Stupid, clueless, uneducated yet arrogant bastards!

    I hope your wife gets the treatment she needs. We all did/are. :)


  • waiting

    Hey Winston,

    think I may have literally heard my eyeballs hit the inside of my skull as I rolled my eyes back.

    You're so funny. If you can manage to keep your sense of humor & make your wife laugh'll help tremendously. I'm glad you're helping her get professional help. Hugs, sunshine, pets - they all help too.

    Btw, my son's been on Welbutrin (sp?) for a while. He changed psych. & was in for the first time with newbie. Our family chuckles over our side of the family's mental history - a way to survive.

    Dr: Does depression run in your family?

    Son: Nooooooooooo, depravity does, however.

    He says it's fun to watch their initial reaction as he recollects his family tree. Humor keeps us centered.

  • ashitaka


    Yeah, they're wholly unqualififed to do anything beyond gawk at you and read scriptures...the reasons is....they really don't care about anyone but themselves, in the end. I learned that the hard way several times before I had the guts to leave.

    BTW, I hope your wife comes out of it ok. Definitely get her some professional help, it could make a world of difference for her. Good luck, bud.


    p.s.---don't worry about DF'ing, it could be a way to get closure.


  • xjw_b12

    Winston. I too was looking for your post. Hugs to you and your wife.

    I am not going to comment on the elders responses here. It has been been replayed over and over. Only the names have changed.

    I went through a similar time with my mother when my father, began questioning the org. She simply didn't want to go on any longer. And it wasn't just that dad appeared to be losing faith, but also due to the fact, she had been harbouring doubts and uncertanites all these years, she just couldn't cope with the fact, that maybe "the truth, wasn't the truth"

    Your description of your wife's wanting to sleep, will of course trouble a great deal of us here, and I am relieved to hear professional help is being enlisted. Consider it for both of you. Even though you have the support of the people here, it would be better if you can attend counseling together.

    And show your wife as much love as you can possibly muster. Scully, a short time ago had some great advice about trying to schedule time together, that will infringe on meeting and field service time. Anything you can do to be with her, but not at the KH.

    Take Care and Stay Strong.

    Regards David

  • onacruse

    ((Winston & wife))

    Man, you are a trooper. You handled that "shepherding" call with real class.

    Your obviously deep love for your wife, and your courage to stand up and do the right thing, will carry you both through this ordeal, even though right now it's a very full plate.

    Our thoughts and best wishes are with you both.

    Craig & Kate

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk

    Gut-wrenching story, I hope you and your wife and doing okay, I wonder if suicide is a problem for those in JW land. (hey I know its a world wide problem) But it seems to me than depression/suicide are on the rise in JW land. Why ???

    I never actually tried to commit suicide, but when I was younger and saw no way out the borg, (parental pressure, do more, do more, do more, you will feel better, WRONG !) the thought had crossed my mine. It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I remember reasoning that I was a good person and that I shouldn't feel this way, and if I could just get away from their clutches, see what happens, then if things don't get better, then begin to wonder.

    Well, I was right, once I got out, my whole life changed big time, might I suggest running this by her, just give it say 12 months, no service, no meetings, no watchtower reading, nothing, no contact with elders, friends are okay, you have to have them. Do the things that you really enjoy doing (movies, outdoor activities, going out, sex), whatever that is. And have no influence from JW land. I have noticed that once people get out of it (JW land), their mind changes, it almost like starting a new life. Maybe she can just try, what do you have to lose.

    Good luck, my heart goes out to both of you, and you deserve a bit pat on the back for standing by her and helping all you can !!!

  • Winston Smith :>D
    Winston Smith :>D

    Hi all,

    Oh how I wish that I could show all of your love to my dear wife. She always feels [as we are told as JW’s] that true love only exists within the Borganization. How wrong that is!

    I can’t take the time to address each of your comments, and for this I apologize. But please know that each and every one of your comments is a great big hug! Some warm fuzzies that are dearly needed.

    Some additional info. I can’t say when this meeting occurred, as I want to keep specifics to a minimum in case this gets back to my wife or the cong. I may have crossed this line as it is disclosing what I have in a public forum, but I’m trying to be somewhat guarded.

    And JT, don’t worry, I wasn’t offended in the least by your comment. I appreciate your and other’s sensitivity to this issue as I am a newb, but I also appreciate open discussion that can be helpful without being a personal attack or being censured. Your’s was just an observation that I am beginning to share also. Your last line in your 1 st post cracked me up!

    Yes, I will be involved with any therapy as requested, and frankly, I can’t wait to talk about what it is like to deal with this disease to someone else. I have really felt in times past that I literally was going crazy, and despite that I consider myself a rather logical, unemotional type person. Some therapy for myself and as a couple will be more than welcome.

    I’ll try to keep my sense of humor through this also. I seem to have to guard my lightheartedness at times with my wife. She at times interprets me being happy as an indication that I don’t understand her pain. But she has also said that she doesn’t understand why I am so happy, and whistling and singing all of the time since I have stopped going to the meetings. Hopefully that comment is an indication of deeper reasoning on her part RE the Borganization and who is truly happy.

    Thank you again for your support. It means the world to me!


  • Room 215
    Room 215

    Winston, bravo! If anything will see your wife through her troubles, it's someone like you by her side, loving and nudging her gently in the direction of those who are qualified to help. Sadly, it's another testimonial to the fact that the only thing JW elders excel at is making a bad situation worse.

  • Special K
    Special K

    Hey winston

    Man,, you held yourself up well, as well as the supporting of your wife while under fire.

    It is true. These ones put in the positions of caring for persons in the congregation are alot of times... way out of their league and in alot of cases can do far more harm "to the depressed soul" than any good.

    Your wife needs professional help and support....

    and if I could could wish.. I'd wish for some help for you too.

    In the midst of depression and suicide.. the key supporter of that person (which is you) also needs an outside supporter of his own.. to vent, and talk and not feel judged.

    The thing you did throughout all that horrible meeting was show your wife.. who you love and who means the most to you.. and that was her.

    That is a very powerful thing to feel from someone you love.. especially when they have slipped into a place where they have stopped loving themselves, and want to end their life..

    You may be the one person who can show her that life is worth living.. because YOU BELIEVE THAT IS SO.

    take care

    and big hugs to you both

    Special K

  • teejay


    What a very sad but all-too-common tale of under-qualified men who aren't honest enough to realize the serious damage that they do to hurting people.

    Along with others, I offer my praise in what you are doing as the man of your household. I heard once at a meeting that Jehovah showed love for Eve by giving her a loving husband. That is certainly true in your wife's case. I have nothing but respect for what you're doing.

    Hang in there, man, and keep doing what you're doing. If those two bumble heads come back around, just slap the dog shit out of 'em and tell 'em to leave you and your family alone.

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