and eyes to see: may you have peace!
I have been away for awhile, and I must say, I enjoyed it: got some housework done - LOLOLOL! But I have returned, for how long I do not know, but to share with you what occurred so that I left for the time that I did. Part of me wants to just keep it to myself; however, I know I cannot do that, for it by means of such things that hearts are revealed, as you will see. Therefore, I will begin:
On the morning of July 6th, at 3:10am, my Lord came to me in voice only. That is, I thought it was my Lord. The voice spoke to me calmly, soothingly, and I recognized it as my Lord. Well, I thought I did. [He] asked me if I was alright, if my heart was alright. I started to say, "Yeah, sure, you know how it is..." (again, thinking it was my Lord and thinking that he'd gone through it with Israel, too, so...), but my spirit was cautioned not to lie; nothing is "hidden" in the spirit world, so really, there's no point. So, I told the truth:
It was hard, and I didn't know if I could do it anymore... or even wanted to. The second part shocked me, and I tried to take it back. But... what's in the heart is "out there", so I couldn't. What do to? Take it from there, from the truth. So, I poured out my heart - "Israel this," and "Israel that", and "hard-hearts" this and "stiff necks" that. All the while my Lord (or so I thought) listened patiently. And then I asked, "WHY ME?! I am just as human as anyone else, just as imperfect," yada, yada...
It was at that point that the voice said, "Do not let your heart give out, for you will be a great(er) one in the Kingdom." I will explain "greater" later. It went on to say, and just as your heart has called out for refreshment, so you will be refreshed." But to this I replied, "Why?! Who am I?!" And the voice said, "You are a son of the Most High, the Most Holy One of Israel. And were you not told that anything you ask in the name of my Son, it would be given you. I have heard the outcries of your heart. And just as my Son has promised you, to sit at his table in his kingdom, so it will be."
So, okay, at THAT moment, my heart almost stopped beating. "Who is this?" I asked. Oh, Lordy... what was going on!!?? And the voice responded, "I am JAH, the God of Israel."
Now, this confounded me. As I have said, I had only heard the voice of my Father three times before; usually, it is my Lord speaking. So, okay, I asked right away, "Where is my Lord?!" And immediately I came to be in spirit, before the throne of JAH, who extended His hand to the right and said, "He is there." I looked to my left, in front of me, and my Lord was there, seated, facing the Father. No, I did not "see" the Father, per se; only what I have seen before: His feet, His legs covered with some type of robes, and His hands. That's it. That's all I've ever seen. And the "light" that illuminates Him.
When I looked, my Lord turned to look at me, but it was "weird" because he never took his face off the Father when he did it. It was sort of like the four living creatures: a face on each side, but I am not sure - I was trying to take in everything. All I remember is that he looked at me, but never took his face from the Father.
When I saw my Lord there, I began to cry... wracking sobs. I didn't mean to: I just could no longer "hide" them... and so they came out. It was then that my Father said, "You have been asked to make a reply." But I didn't know it, because I hadn't read all of the challenges made to me that day. But I wasn't surprised, so I said, "Yes. What am I to say to them; what can I show them? You have to grant me something to show them."
To that He said, "The reply is not yours to make; it is mine. And I shall reply to each of them, just as they have asked."
For some reason then, I got scared. Oh, Lordy, what did THAT mean? And so I started to ask, but before I could get the words out, I saw Death (the Destroyer) flash before me. And I said to Him, "You can't do that! You cannot! If they hate you now, they will hate you even more so! They don't want to die, they just want to know you are here!"
His reply was that, "Have I not told them? Has my Son not told them? Have the prophets before you not told them? Have YOU not told them? And yet, they do not listen, they do not hear. They do not hear because they seek their OWN righteousness, and not mine. They exist in anger and hatred. Yet, is not vengeance MINE and does not anger belong to me alone?!" (No, He wasn't shouting, but He wasn't whispering, either!)
He then said, "No, they wish a reply, I will make a reply."
At that point I started crying harder (if that could be, but it seemed like it). I felt like it was my fault, that if I hadn't spoken, He wouldn't have been challenged. But He heard my heart and said softly, "It is not you who they reject, but me. And I will respond. Be at peace."
Immediately after that, three spirit beings appeared before me and began "ministering" to me - sort of like hugging and loving and comforting me, but not as we do. And then a "strange" but wonderful thing occurred: I felt my Lord's "hands" on me... and felt his spirit on me, doing the same thing. But... it got stranger... for right after, I felt my Father's hands on me... and the spirit of my Lord, and His spirit... and mine... became one. They were on me, in me, around me. And all of the pain I felt... was eased.
But... I was again shocked and I tried to break away! I mean, the Father ministering to ME?! Something was wrong! It was a trick! I had let myself be tricked and now I was envisioning something that could NOT be!
"What are you DOING?!" I asked. "This isn't right! Who ARE you? Why are you ministering to me - I should be ministering to YOU!"
To which my Lord responding by saying, "Do not confuse ministering with worshipping." Okkkaaayyyy... but even so, what is this that is occurring??! to which the Father said, "Did you not hear and did my Son not tell you, that all things that he did he received from me? And did he not minister to his servants, yes, even to his enemies? I, JAH... am a God of service! It is why I have taught my servants TO serve. Just as the Son sees me doing, so he does. And just as HE does, so you must do!"
He then went on: "Did I not serve my people Israel, just as I promised to do? Did I not feed them and clothe them and protect them from their adversaries? Did I fight for them and release them from their enemies time and again? And did my Son not come to be ministered TO... but to MINISTER and give HIS life a ransom for many, even his enemies?"
What could I say? Yes.
"And did he not say that he did NOTHING of his own initiative, but just as he saw ME do, HE did?"
Well, I tried to calm down, but I couldn't. It just didn't... FEEL... right. So, then I asked how it was that I was speaking directly to the Father, and not to the Son, as I usually do. And my Father's reply was, "You came THROUGH that One. It is he who brought you before me, so that the door was opened to you."
I then asked, "If it's all the same to you, I would much rather speak through him; I'm just not sure I'm ready for this just yet" - and I was immediately reminded of the Israelites who, out of FEAR, rather than dealing directly with God, asked to have Moses intercede - and I backtracked: "Whatever you two deem best." I was SO confused that I just thought I'd better leave it to them - what do I know?
Anyway, as the vision ended, I understood the comment about "great(er)" one: I was reminded of a vision I had already been given... which I believe I posted here some time ago, right after receiving it:
I was at the table of my Lord, at the end, my seat, a servant's bench at the very end. And let me tell you, it is a LONG table. There were people there I recognized, to my right and to my left. At some point, my Lord comes to me and holds out his hand and says, "Come up higher," to which I responded "No, Lord, no thank you, I'll stay here."
He then asked me if I was rejecting the "gift" he was offering me, to which I said, "No, but please, just let me stay here." He then asked me why. And I told him, "Those at the table will not be pleased; they will be angry and hate me. As long as I am in THIS seat, they are kind toward me. But I know that if I were to move from this seat, they would not like it."
My Lord then said, "But it is my table, and it is I who am asking you. Why do you fear these?" To which I said, "I don't fear them; I just don't want to make anybody mad. I'm okay here; I don't care if it's at the end of the table, so long as it's AT the table." He then put his hand out and said, "Come up higher," in a tone I knew I could not refuse. So, I took his hand, and we started walking up the table, on the side to my left (from his seat, it would be his right).
As we walked, though, things occurred. The people on the near side of the table barely took notice, but occasionally one would look up from his plate or glance away from her conversation with another, and smile at me, or something. This is GREAT, I thought. And then... I looked across the table. And as I passed them... the people's faces would change, become distorted. Their smiles turned to frown's, to outright menace... and finally so grotesque, I started pulling at my Lord's hand: "Okay, that's enough! Let me go back, please... I can't handle this... let me go back."
He held tightly to my hand, would NOT let me go back, and as we continued, the faces got worse. And then, their clothing changed. From a bright fabric, to dirty, torn rags. And as their clothing changed, "beings" came up from behind and pulled them from the table, dragged them away, and threw them outside (which was pitch black).
Okay, so now the whole ordeal is so frightening that I yank my hand and sort of run back to my seat. I didn't care - I couldn't take it. It was too much. I didn't care if I was at the bottom of the table - I was still AT the table. I just cared that the people on my right (my Lord's left), would stop hating me so, stop turning so ugly and grotesque.
I was frightened, however, that I had blown it; I had rejected the gift offered me by my Lord, and maybe his feelings were hurt, to the point where I would be thrown out, too! Dang! But... I couldn't go back up there: I couldn't take the visual of the "angry" people. So... I sat... and waited.
At some point, my Lord began to speak, and I realized he was talking about me, or at least, me end of the table. He was making a change: by his decree, it was no longer the seats at HIS end of the table that were the place of "honor"... but it was the LOW end of the table that was now the seat of "honor." I was not rejected, nor was I to be thrown out! Praise JAH!
Note: My seat is the one where the foot-washing bowl is. The one who sits in that seat MUST wash the feet of all who come through the door. I have tried to live up to that "honor", technically... and literally.
I, myself, SJ, have spoken it to you, just as it has been shown and told to me by my Father, the Most Holy One of Israel, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, whose name is JAH... of Armies... and His Son and Christ, my Lord, JAHESHUA MISCHAJAH.
Again, may you all have peace!
Your servant, as I am servant to ALL those of the Household of God, Israel, and those who go with them... and a slave of Christ... to time indefinite.