Last Summer (2002) just for the end of the Meeting to pick up my step son.
When Was The Last Time You Set Foot In a Kingdom Hall?
It will be 6 months in September, minimus, so there is lots of time left. We are only irregular so far.
Irregular 1 to 5 months consecutive no time turned in
Inactive 6 months to infinity no time turned in
Actually, things have been quiet on the western front.
Last official meeting I went to was: January 1, 1984.
But I was in the kingdom hall after that in either April/May of 1984, to meet with the elders, but it was less than 5 minutes.
Blondie, I'm amazed that you've turned in no time and you haven't got flack!......Good for the 2 of you.
I don't think we were that popular, minimus. I'm sure the elders are thinking "good riddance." There are a few people that we see in the stores around town that say they miss us and I believe them. These ones have been put through the ringer by the elders but have family they want to stay close to. If their whole family ever left half the circuit would be gone. So they do as little as possible, missing meetings to travel and for business, going out in field service with each other only once a month (probably going shopping after the first 2 doors and then doing one door at the end of shopping on othe way home).
We still jump a little when the doorbell rings. So far it has been a guy selling raffle tickets for the fire dept (we bought some) and the Kirby salesman (we bought none).
I haven't been in a KH in over 4 years, can't remember the exact date.
When George Bush was President (the first George that is.)
I stopped going about 2 years ago...I couldn`t put up with that apostate crap they teach about Jesus not being our mediator, and apart from that, I was sick of the boredom!
October 1989, CO's visit. Frank Nicholson was visiting and he gave a special needs talk to the White Rock congregation. I don't remember what it was entitled, in fact I don't remember much of anything except a statement he made. He said, "Anyone who questions Jehovah or does not approach him in prayer with faith, that person is as good as dead to Jehovah. And rightfully so!"
1989 was The Year From Hell. I named it that because the best part of that year was the fact my mother was slowly dying of cancer. As for me, I was in the fifth year of my depression, toying suicide, fighting like hell NOT to believe the hideous memories that were coming back to me. I was 27 years old and I could not get through a day without breaking down in tears or pounding my fist on the floor (or wall) in rage. That year I lost every single friend I had, including my old pioneer partner; people I had grown up with and had known for 15 years turned their backs on me and looked down on me as if I were damaged goods.
I believed The Truth with all my heart and soul. I believed it all down to my cells. But when I was broken and beaten, these people and this organization that I trusted and believed in, deserted me. Nothing in my life, not even all the rapes and beatings in my childhood, hurt as much. Nothing. I was devastated at such a basic emotional and spiritual level, it took years to recover.
When I heard Frank Nicholson talk, it felt as if he were talking to me. By that time I had begun to question Jehovah's Witnesses (and therefore God). I felt abandoned. I felt alone. I don't remember the rest of his talk, because in my despair I wrote down a story. I posted here once.
This is about my last meeting as one of Jehovah's Witnesses:
The little boy was very excited. Finally it was Saturday! He leaped out of his bed and went to the worn and battered dresser next to his bed to look again at the simple invitation carefully placed on top.
You are cordially invited to attend a party at Freddie Henschels house, Saturday November 10 at 3:00 p.m.
He still couldnt believe his good luck! After all Freddie regularly beat him up after school.
Maybe this is his way of making up, he thought to himself, Freddie is kind of quick tempered. And it's probably my fault for irritating him. I guess I should act more normal if I want the guys to like me.
Still, it was strange the invitation did not have his name on it. It didn't even have a stamp. Doubts began to rise. Perhaps it was a mistake. Perhaps it was meant for someone else. Perhaps he wasnt invited.
The boy shook his head. No. I won't think about that now.
The little boy did want to ask his mother how the tiny invitation arrived. When she gave it to him he had been so excited that he hadn't thought to ask her about it then. But that would have to wait until this evening. She was always easier to be around in the evening. But no point in thinking about that now, he thought to himself, he had to pick out what he was going to wear.
The boy checked himself carefully in the dingy mirror above his dresser. Hair, neatly combed. Teeth, properly scrubbed. But those jeans! He worriedly checked them again.
The knee patch doesnt look too bad, he said mournfully, if only it was the same color.
Well, it would have to do. At least this pair was mended. Okay. All set. He grabbed a small package with a crooked bow on top and quietly made his way out to the front room. As he reached the front door, he heard a rasping sound from behind.
The boy turned and walked over to the dirty sofa and gently laid his hand on his mothers cheek as she lay softly snoring.
"Momma?", he asked again softly, "Are you awake?"
He waited a little while before he reached and pick up an old patchwork quilt and gently wrapped his mother up. He looked over at the faded and chipped coffee table and counted two sets of glasses with two empty bottles. He picked up a third bottle and sniffed.
Ewww! Yuck. he snorted, How can she drink this stuff?
The boy shook his head. He would have to ask his mother about it sometime. But not now. He quietly crept over to the front door, and slipped out into the bright sunshine.
Fortunately Freddie only lived a few miles away, so it should only take a couple of hours to walk over. He thought of running, that would cut his time down by at least half, but he decided against it. He didnt want to risk damaging the gift.
The little boy smiled inwardly at his own cleverness about his choice of presents for Freddie. Matching miniature Convertibles. One red, the other black and both with a gold eagle on the hood. He had to use the last of his Christmas money to buy them, but it would be worth it when he saw Freddies face. When Freddie opened the gift, and saw how valuable it was, it would surely change Freddies attitude toward him. The little boy would have a friend at last.
The boy thought of the kids who would be at Freddies birthday party, the games they would all play together and how he could finally be a part of their fun. He felt a warm glow in anticipation. It would be the best day of his short life. At that thought he walked even faster.
When he arrived at Freddies house, the front door was open, so he stuck his small head inside and carefully peered around. No one was in sight. He quietly walked in. He stopped suddenly and his eyes widened in awe. What he had found was more than he had ever imagined.
"Wow." he breathed in wonder, "Look at the size of that cake."
He reached out to some of the nearby brightly colored decorations and streamers, as if by simply touching them their beauty would envelope him and erase all his shortcomings. The little boy felt joyful, as if joy were a warm blanket surrounding him and protecting him. Somewhere deep inside, he knew he belonged here among the love and warmth of this house and all its delights. He had given his best to Freddie and he knew it would be enough. Freddie would smile at the boy with a simple nod of approval and they would be friends forever. It was all the little boy ever hoped for.
The little boys thoughts were interrupted when a chubby boy with chocolate smeared around his mouth marched up to him.
"Hey! What are you doing here? he bellowed. Youre not invited!"
Before the boy could answer, Freddie grabbed the gift out of his small hands.
"Whats this?" he demanded as he tore apart the grubby gift wrapping, "Oh racy cars, huh. Big deal. Ive got tons of them and theyre better than this piece of crap. he said dropping the precious cars on to the floor. Hey, watch this."
With that Freddie leaped up and landed on the fragile toys, crushing them.
"Car wreck!", he squealed, as parts flew in every direction, "I love it when that happens. Well, I guess they dont make em like they used to."
He turned to look at the little boy.
"Okay. You can go now."
"Wait a minute. You invited me. said the little boy hurriedly. He quickly dug in his pocket and pulled out the tiny invitation. See? I have an invitation and everything."
"I dont care what you have. snarled Freddie as he grabbed the invitation, Besides it doesnt even have your name on it. That shows you arent invited. Youre nothing but a troublemaker. You just want to ruin my party!"
Freddie began pushing the smaller boy toward the front door.
"Now get out and go away or Ill beat you to a pulp!"
Freddie gave the little boy one last hard shove, causing him to trip over the welcome mat and fall hard on to the wet grass outside. Freddie slammed the door shut.
The little boy lay still, too stunned to cry and too shocked to move. His invitation; the gift; the party. All of it gone.
Something precious, deep inside, shriveled.
No. I cant think about what happened right now. he thought to himself, Ill ask Momma when I get home. Shell tell what I did wrong.
He shook himself and crept over behind the bushes in front of Freddies house and huddled down.
"Freddie may be able to keep me from going inside, but I can still enjoy myself right here. I can listen to whats going on inside." he whispered.
Then the little boy brightened.
"If I stay here long enough, maybe Freddie will realize what a mistake he made. Yeah. Then he'll come and get me and I can go inside with everyone else."
Yes. Thats it. All he had to do was wait here just a little while longer, he reasoned, and then then everything will be okay. Besides it wasnt that bad sitting in the dirt by the side of the house.
"They'll be sure to come and get me. I know it."
The little boy sighed contentedly and leaned back with his ear against the frame of the house.
" Just a few more minutes and I'll be in there too."
The boy awoke with a start. It was dark. His legs ached from being curled up for so many hours.
Where am I? he thought. Then memory and realization hit him.
The party. Gone.
He shivered slightly as he stood and walked to the sidewalk. It was colder out tonight than last night. He stood there and looked carefully at all the neat houses arranged around him. He saw the warm glow of lights in each one. He thought of all the families and wondered what it must be like to live inside one of those houses.
It doesn't make any sense. he barely spoke above a whisper, "Why?"
The boy slowly shook his head. He knew he must have done something wrong, but what? He wished again that he was smarter. Then it would all make sense. He would have to ask his mother sometime. She could tell him.
Then he stopped.
"Wait a minute.", he said quickly, "Ted's birthday is next week. Hes sure to invite me. Ted's different from Freddie. He's never beat me up and he was really nice to me after he copied my homework yesterday. If thats not being friendly, what is?"
Yeah. That's it. This time would be different.
With that, the little boy raced off into the thousand year night.
Its been two weeks and counting......