Hey ya'll! My first post. Please help. In need of advice/comfort.
Welcome and congratulation for being free inside. This is a great step.
The elders knew I had doubts. I had hours of discussions. They try to make you feel guilty which should lead you back.
I also told my wife that I would accept blood for me and our son. She said I have to tell the elders otherwise she would. So I did. I discussed again for many hours.
Our marriage broke... finally I was df'd for apostasy, because I celebrated my sons birthday and because I kept firm that I would accept blood.
So it is better not to meet with them. Or if you meet with them just say "I am fine. I have a very close and precious personal relationship to God. But this is personal so I won't discuss this with you."
Then you need to be strong and say No, No, No. "If I need spiritual help be assured that I will call you." And of course you never call.
If you meet them, be prepared to be asked in different ways "do you believe this is god's organisation?" or "Do you believe the the governing body is the faithful and discreet slave?"
These are standard questions to detect apostasy.
Anyway I wish you all the best.
Shepherding calls can turn into JCs and you could find yourself DAd when your conscience doesn't allow you to give them the answer they want to hear. That happened to me when I wasn't even baptised. Careful. The folks here are right. Don't even meet them.
Your blood comment WILL come up in the conversation
It's important you make sure they know you concluded that of your own valition and not from Internet "research"
Perhaps a simple comment that wts seems to be going that way with the allowance of fractions etc
The way things are now, if they asked if I believed the GB is the FDS, I would pause, then say "With all the changes in that teaching in the last 40 years, I think it best not to say anything. I'm having a tough time keeping up with what they believe and teach on the subject, and I have not read all the upcoming articles yet."
I would just add this:
There is no productive reason at this point to meet with the elders. You will be wasting your time, they will be wasting theirs. You are not going to change your mind about fading. Nothing they can say will affect the situation. They will be gathering evidence that will be used against your husband as they try to form up the reasons for his deletion. If they have nothing you've said to use, he cannot be harmed by it. He will almost certainly be removed, but that is better for him.
Feel free to PM me anytime.
Your blood comment WILL come up in the conversation
You could say I was going through a bad time because of the ARC findings about pedophiles among the JW's .Then a non witness asked me about our doctrine about no blood transfusions and I showed her my blood card and she said "That's the equivalent of a suicide note!" And I lost it........... so that's why I acted as I did with my husband.
Then take it back to the ARC. Why would the Elders not contact the police even when they had a confession? There are sins but there are also sins that are crimes. We don't cover up crimes do we?
"...When I told my husband that I would take blood he started to cry and tell me that I was one step away from being an apostate and that it would be his duty to report me if I mention this again."
Is your elder husband aware that the WTB&TS has said "OK" to the use of Hemopure, which is made from cow's blood? (The Watchtower, June 15, 2000 said "...when it comes to fractions of any of the primary components, each Christian, after careful and prayerful meditation, must conscientiously decide for himself." pages 29-31.) Does he think that people should be reported for conscientiously making decisions for themselves, or does making decisions for yourself mean you still have to do what Sister EasilyStumbled thinks is right? Your Hubby must not be keeping up with Jehovah's chariot.
"My husband said they will remove him as an elder if I do not begin to go to meetings. Is that true?" I think is is. Does your Husband feel it is fair for him to be punished for your lack of energy?
As ScenicViewer suggested, maybe you have fibromyalgia. Maybe you are beginning to feel the burden of aging in this old system of things. Is it a sin to be ill and low energy? Maybe you've been a little depressed lately. Maybe you've got a touch of arthritis. You know the only prescription is Jehovah's Marvellous Free-Lunch Picnic in Paradise, and you can't wait!
A few years ago one of the members here was asked "Do you still believe this is Jehovah's organisation?" His reply was, "Oh yes, I do... I'm just not sure God exists." They left him alone. I'm not suggesting that you say this, but it shows you how Jehovah's Magic Spirit makes one wise.
Rebel8's advice is excellent! Keep thanking them for taking such loving concern for you and that you know how busy they are, etc. This is known as "Blowing smoke up their ass." Elders are vain and adore flattery.
JWDaughter: "With all the changes in that teaching in the last 40 years, I think it best not to say anything. I'm having a tough time keeping up with what they believe and teach on the subject, and I have not read all the upcoming articles yet."
Oh that's good! You never know, New Light could be just around the corner so we all need to be careful what we commit to as JWs. Let's wait and see what future articles tell us.
A new strategy to avoid their questions. Who wants to be the first to try it? It should at least make the elders grin.
Stepford Wife - You certainly have your hands full- and that's putting it mildly. I agree with many here who say NOT to meet with the elders. They are trained by the WT Society to coerce you into a corner and box you in until they get you to spill the beans with information they can nail you with so as to judge you worthy of a judicial committee. It's true that they will TRY to find something to use against you in order to justify bringing you up for a JC meeting. So don't meet with them, just tell them you are doing fine on your own and that if you ever need their help- you will let them know in the future.
Also- Seriously think about your husband crying if you took a life saving blood transfusion . I mean WTF ? That tells you all you need to know about where the WT organization is in HIS priorities in life and the fact that he's more concerned about losing his elders position than his wife losing her life ! Did I say the WT Society is a high control , mind control organization - if I didn't I just did. This organization steals away ANY authentic, humane, empathetic personality that people have and replaces it with a WT Society first personality that loses all manners , civility , or ethical treatment of others. Your husband is seriously controlled.
If you intend to make your marriage work in spite of your differences I would suggest not talking to the elders and even staying low on your husbands radar concerning talking to him about your doubts. If you don't World war 3 may begin and your marriage will be on a short leash. Unless of course you WANT to blow the whole thing up- then speak your mind and talk away . Your future is in your hands to some extent. We are here as a support to you my friend, it's not easy I know- been there done that. Been out of the Witnesses going on 13 years now- happiest times of my life . Hang in there, take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
You have a wonderful ally in your sister. Her learned recommendation to see a lawyer is spot on, as you have constitutional rights to freedom of religion, expression, belief and association,
I have advocated at various times on this site, that those wishing freedom from this or any cult should simply exercise their rights by making a written, dated, declaration of their personal religious freedom to a trusted friend or counselor/lawyer. Do this while you are still in "good standing".
It is you alone that decides what faith if any that you chose to practice and you are free to abandon any faith at any time, for any reason, without interference.
You have already ceased presenting yourself as a JW by fading from the cults meetings, commenting to espouse their propaganda and sharing in their public displays of activity - DO NOT be drawn back under the ecclesiastic authority of the congregation by allowing them to meet with you! ( the elders manual states that agreeing to meet with them affirms your acceptance of the congregations authority) DON'T DO IT!
Let them be the last to know that you have already acted in accordance with your legal rights and that any actions then taken after that fact (ie.against a non-member) will be to invite prosecution.
The link above discusses how Norman Hancock sued the Mormons for similar interference of his rights - enjoy