Need advice

by Drwho 89 Replies latest social relationships

  • dubstepped
    Even if you were able to get her out you are putting her in a position to choose between you and her kids. If she leaves they will likely have to shun her. How do you think that will make her feel? You better be damn serious about your relationship and committed, otherwise you're just playing dangerous games with other people's lives.
  • Drwho

    I know what the consequences are I was born yesterday

  • Drwho

    Thanks nonjwspouse But again i am fully aware of what I am doing and the possible / likely consequences .

    I get the feeling that here , Im not saying you , but some here maybe be here just to disrupt the positveness ( is that a word?) for whatever reason .

  • nonjwspouse

    Dr Who, my positiveness was disrupted by my own life experience marrying a non active for 30+ years unbaptized but raised JW. I was naive and ignorant, thought I thought I knew what I was getting into. I thought his long absence and heartfelt admissions that he had no desire to "go back" were his lifelong decision. I was far ,far from knowing the reality of this mind control. It takes SO MUCH research, thought, evaluation, experience, observation etc. The material trotted out for the "worldly" and the inside rank and file material, then the truly insider power figure material, are vastly different. It is also quite disturbing.

    The ease at which a "spiritually strong" JW is able to castaway relationships, regardless of the bonds of family ( shunning even children) or who was thought of a life long friends, is extremely unnatural and emotionally damaging.

    Just go in with your eyes completely open, which means knowing she may not ever want to change, even if it seems as if she wants to. She can change her "mood" about her belief on a dime. I know this first hand. Indoctrination runs very very deep. If you are prepared to be with her as she is a life long JW, with varying levels of commitment, then ok. If you accept that she may walk in at any time and say goodbye to you, to choose her organization over you, then ok. That is what you are signing up for. It is the unknown that you can't possibly feel like you can change. She has to be the one to want the change and you will not create it, she will.

  • zeb

    I read this account with despair.

    She can face actual wt evidence and say "Lies".."Fake" etc

    I have to think that so many jw she is emotionally immature and can change her mind as some one said here 'on a dime'. Sorry to be blunt but I feel any wedding vows she will make will also be "fake". I can hear you reporting in a short time of her claiming you forced her into the marriage.

    Open your mind and your heart go back over the many postings here and see that so many folk have given you their best and of their bitterest experiences with this cult. To turn and walk away requires the first step; the hardest one to take. the question in my mind is why does she want to get married?

    Please go from here to the office of a counsellor one who has experience with cults and take a copy of all these postings with you.

    I wish you well. peace.

  • Drwho


    yes , I have to admit you are telling me 100% as it is , excuse my doubts earlier , but I guess I was / am desperate and frustrated , She is Dr Jeckel / Hyde in the female version 100% , she even admits this but cant explain it , well I dont want to tell her because , well everything I say is lies .

    Its so sad to see a person like this , she has never known the real world and the devotion to the WT is uncomprehendible for me , I belive it 100% but wow its unreal.

    She is suffering a lot , I met her the last two days , she is, I think being torn apart inside , there is a little part of her Human side showing , but that soon gets stamped on from her WT side which is much much powerful , but I can see its hurting her, she cries a lot , shes a nervous wreck , so I guess she will either break down or be comforted by her beliefs , I dont want her to go crazy which I think she is well on the way to .Strange for me was when we were walking and talkig she was being normal , all cuddly , then she stopped and said " I really love all my brothers and Sisters in the congregation " , that for me was a little scary .

    So , yes . Its time to say good bye , it will be better for both of us , Im actually more worried about myself than her , she has her belief and Bro& sisters to fall back onto , I could never explain this predicament to anyone : (


    Thanks for the input , again you are 100% right and I will take your advice

    Thanks for your wishes of peace, it means a lot to me .


  • Drwho

    Im Still doing this , I must be a glutton for punishment .Ups and downs all the way . Ive got her real authentic side out much much more now. Have read both of Steven Hassans books, which , well are ok to understand a cult , as for helping getting cult members out , it seems his books are directed at young kids newly indoctrinated , he has no plan for long term cult members, and its only in his updated version of Combating cult control that he realizes that the JW is a cult Saying that, his 7 key plan is good and Dispelling phobias is going to take some doing . Ive seen an improvement but rate my chances at 5% of success .Am getting a lot of support and ideas from a great FB goup if anyone is interested , its more for you lot ( exJW ) but they accept me with open arms.

    I wish someone could give me the instant answer , I feel physically , mentally and spiritually drained after these months of constant tug of war .

  • Landy
    I wish someone could give me the instant answer , I feel physically , mentally and spiritually drained after these months of constant tug of war .

    More than one person gave you the instant answer. You just didn't accept it. :)

    Only you can decide if she's worth it.

    Whch brings us back to my first comment on this thread ;)

  • nonjwspouse

    DrWho, you must accept the mental physical and spiritual drain if you continue stay with her.

    This. Will., Not. End. it may stop for a while, but it will NOT end. She is heavily indoctrinated.If you think months are hard, try to imagine decades.

    She will read everything, and accept the WTBTS as a cult only if her emotions allow her to. She must be willing to allow herself to admit her life of devotion to this organization has been devotion to a cult, a cult that is a lie.

    That is extremely difficult for a person mentally "in" for so long.

    That said, yes there is a small % that have mentally come out after a lifetime of being "in". Some are here, and continue to try to help others.

    But your plan absolutely MUST NOT be focused on the tiny %. You will be making yourself crazy and also making HER crazy. It is extremely toxic. It will deteriorate your health, and her health. If she does not want to give up her belief, then you are hurting her by continuing to try.

    Leave it be. Live your life, and leave hers to live hers.

  • Crabby

    Jehovah is the Devil, the same one that Catholics used to Exorcize. Are you willing to pray to a God that is promising to kill all of your Catholic relatives and all of the Worlds Mothers with their newborn children. Are you willing to drive the car that the watchtower tells you that you can drive? never vote again, never sing the national anthem, only screw in the missionary position and have this chick tell the grand poobah if you do it any other way?

    Are you willing to attend 5 meetings a week donating at every one, then beg at doors for more morons to donate more to the grand poobah. Are you willing to have NO friends that are not JW retards?

    Run like hell, to a Priest and beg forgiveness from your flaunt with Satan

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