Need advice

by Drwho 89 Replies latest social relationships

  • Drwho

    I must say , I love your approach to this with humor , I certainly do too : )

    Yes its easy to cut and run , but we all no about love and maybe Ive still got the love goggles on , well I def have , but saying that I never ever contemplated going over to the dark side : )

    DJS , yes I know that will be the ultimate end , just run run run , but you know the love goggles tell me to wait out just a little bit longer , I want to be 100% certain before I hop on that bus . Shes missed the last two meetings , I guess due to guilt and she listens when I tel her about the love I have for my child , hes 24 , hers are 20 and 24 so she can relate and is actually jealous of me , I think .But I do rub it in a bit especially about the unconditional love and friendship, I actually find myself exaggerating about how good we " worldly " people have it , its better for sure , much much better but I like to go OTT sometimes . And yes , foreplay is mega frustrating lol

    Rebelfighter , Im glad Ive read your 5 y story , Im suffering after 1 year of her company ( 3 month affair) , So you give me yet another reason to give this all up and go look at the other 3.5 billion potential partners out there.

    Did I mention Ive actually been in her house twice ? It was a bit like Military operation , her kids were out , her Dad lives in the basement and her Handicapped brother downstairs, Her dad is 85 and JW since 42 years and shouts orders all the time , so every 10 mins she had to go to him , watch TV for 5 min with him , then back to me , every time a car came down the road , she thought it was her kids coming back so she was nervous as hell , kinda made me laugh in a weird way . Just to note , her dad joined the JW and took all his family with him just before the 1975 prophesy of Armageddon , why didnt he leave again in 1976 ?

    Is this the way the JWs grow ? I mean her Mum and dad joined and took their kids , that made 6 new members . Each kid apart from the handicapped man have had their kids , in total 8 children , so thats 14 new members through this family , the mum died so its 13 , I imagine all the old mans Grandchildren ( 8 in total ) will have lets say 2 kids each , so theres another 16 making potentially in the next couple of years a family total of 29 ,e ven if the Grandad dies that still leaves 28 .

  • Drwho

    Hey 2 true

    Good advice , thanks , yes the ratting out is not the way I guess , If I thought it would have a positive influence I would , but it would just put her iin the " naughty step " for a few months before she has to go creeping back full of hate for me .

  • DJS

    Wow Drwho,

    How can I get me some of that? No, what you are describing about her living conditions is not typical of JWs, at least based on my experience. Others may shed better light.

    Yes, love can have goggles, but you have only known this woman for a few months. I could understand 'loving' her if her dad owned a liquor store and she liked girls - and would share occasionally. But . . .

    I have a rule. I don't commit to anyone in any manner until I've known them for 2 years. People can fake who they really are for a while, but most can't fake it for 2 years. Three months is nothing in relationship terms, and as you state you are rarely at her zoo, I mean home.

    Stan, there's this thing-ey called a plan. Make a new one.

  • Drwho

    It was more like the lions den then a zoo : )

    Yes you re right , Ive only known her a year ., I dunno , maybe I want what i cant get , im a bit that way inclined but im genuinely sad to see this family ruined and i get frustrated when i show facts like BBC reports with admissions from the watchtower, paying 13 mil$ damages etc and she claims its all lies , it just annoys the 5hit out of me , but one has to remain calm : )

    Why is that not typical of JW living conditions ? You mean the fact she sneaked me into her home ? No one knew I was there , she introduced me to her Handicapped brother , but , without sounding horrible, he cant speak so shes safe there .

    Im meeting her tomorrow since we both have the day off ( we work together as well , but only see each other at work once a week for 10 mins, but she is or was my Spanish teacher )

    I like this forum , its amazing the depth of this Watchtower cancer all around the world

  • LisaRose

    I wish I had a dollar for every time somebody came here with the exact same story. I wish I could give you hope but it never really turns out well, the JW is usually guilted into going back to the meetings and breaking off the relationship, and the person is heartbroken. She is torn between her desire for a relationship and her belief that she can only survive the coming world annihilation by being a good JW.

    This is a cult, they have so seriously brainwashed your friend that she is at present incapable of thinking for herself. She is attracted to you, but at the end of the day her feelings of fear, obligation and guilt will probably win over her attraction for you. If you seriously want to invest time and energy into a lost cause, read Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan. What doesn't work: attacking the religion or criticising it in any way. She has been conditioned to see that as an attack by Satan and it will just stir up her fears and cause her to run.

    What can work is to work to establish trust, remind them of their interests and goals outside the religion and exposing them to critical thinking skills.

    Good Luck

  • kairos

    Sorry to hear of your situation. Best to part ways and save yourself from the misery that is to surely follow.

    These people cannot be reasoned with and I'm finding firsthand, they mentally 'shut down' if you require them to think.

  • TimeBandit

    My advice to you is to forget about her and move on. Dating a JW will tie you to a dangerous cult. She's not worth it. There are much better fish in the sea. Not trying to be mean...


  • sparrowdown

    She has been trained to only listen to one voice and that's WT's, though if she has been foolng around with you then she is a hypoctrite. I'm not judging her just saying JWs tend to seperate their actions from their words and that split makes them very difficult to reason with. Logic seems to bounce off as they just parrot the WT script they have running in their heads.

    She may wake up if you gave her an ultimatum but then again she may not.

    People wake up when they're ready and some never wake up.

    Just ask yourself how much time do you want to waste on this project cause it gets old fast - really it does.

  • Giordano

    Sparrodown "though if she has been fooling around with you then she is a hypoctrite."

    We are all hypocrites (I have spell check LoL). No she's a human being first and foremost with love in her heart and a heavy yoke around her neck. She's doing the best she can to balance her desire's with some big constraints. Dr Who if your going to be with her....... respect that.

    We can call it fooling around or the need for a human touch. It's sad and Jesus has no doubt wept at the foolishness of believers who are caught up in beliefs that have no basis in reality.

    Treat her like the person you have come to care greatly about but don't compromise her. Eventually she will want to move on in her religious life or she will want to move on with you.

    If you are going to have a future together SHE is going to have to rethink her JW life and beliefs ....not you. If you are going to become her best friend and THE person in her life she will have to learn to trust you more then the Watchtower. That's a step she will have to take..

    If your going to engage in heavy petting your going to need to talk to her. Make sure she's alright with it that she know's you can control yourself. She may be fine about it and simply doesn't subscribe to the notion that just because the WT Society says it's wrong doesn't mean it's wrong. Or she may be conflicted and feels bad.

    She needs to feel better about you and less better about what she has been taught to believe. But that's a journey only she can make.

    Talk about other things then her beliefs, get her to express her opinion on anything you both have opinions on. Get her to think about other issues and the day will come when she will think about her religion and begin to wonder.

  • jwundubbed

    Dr. Who,

    You were on another site and asked for the same advice and you got almost exactly the same advice there as people are giving you here. You keep, even in this very thread, asking for more advice. To me, that means that you aren't getting the answers that you want to hear. We can't give you what you want because we don't believe that it is possible or realistic. It may be time to face the possibility that you can't have what you want with this woman, that you can't fix her life or her, that it just can't be what you want it to be.

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