I feel for you and your situation.
Its not easy to continue when you have doubts and also when those doubts lead to fears concerning you life and those whom you love most; your wife and kids.
Looking back on my life in the truth; I would say I had hundreds of reasons for leaving and "breaking free" as others would like to say. I was an MS at 22 and an Elder at 28. I continued as an Elder for 21 years. Resigned as at an issue of conscience. Been through rough times since then.
With more reasons to give me for opting out of the whole thing.
I was disfellowshipped in a kangaroo court. And did not associate for about 5 years.
My family did not talk to me. But the main reason for going back was. I knew thats where I wanted and needed to be. And if an organizations keeps itself this pure. Why not
Yes i have read apostate sites. I agree with some of the things they say.
However you need to just reflect for a time. On some of these facts that I have found rewarding.
1. the organization is NOT inspired. Yes they say some dumb things sometimes. And maybe when it comes to dates; maybe they should not say anything.
2. Jehovah has always had an organization here on earth. If the brothers are not it. Then who is.
3. Think about you life. How you grew up. How your wife grew up. Your love for her and your kids. The love
You have for the brothers. How did all that come about. From you and others apply god's principles; where did you find those.?
4. Why is it that there is a huge number of people bagging the organization? Why are there not Catholics or others bagging their religion.
5. True Elders do some dumb things too. They are not doctors or psychologist. I always thought when I was an Elder how lucky I was to have some kind of instruction to help me. As if every Elder did what they thought. The place would be in a mess!!!
I know I disfellowshipped people when I should not have. But I know I disfellowshipped some pretty rotten people. You know what everyone has to stand on their own too feet.
5. As far as child molestation is concerned. Sure we get things wrong. But at least we investigate and try to get it right. Then we get criticised on how we handled it. We have much to learn. Compare to other religions who do nothing.
think about things for a while.
You can still have doubts; but dont through the baby out with the bath water. Dont get yourself disfellowshipped. Its not worth it. Its not a badge of honor?
I have a great elder in my congregation. We talk about everything and anything. He has doubts about somethings. But we just sit there have a few drinks and talk our heads off for a few hours.
Its great for the soul.
But I am certainly not giving up anything that I love so much and put so much of my life into it.
I am not giving up. because of my wife, kids, family, my friends and most of all Jehovah.
Get back to me??