Walking a thin line - Resigning Elder

by Sanchy 106 Replies latest jw friends

  • stuckinarut2


    Great post!

    Along with all others who have said this, I can't believe just how similar your situation is to mine!

    The only difference is that you admitted to your fellow elders that you had doubts...I just faded, until they confronted me and discovered me on this online outlet....

    Tread carefully, don't engage in any meetings or discussions that you don't feel comfortable with. Keep your dignity and composure, and don't feel intimidated into a defensive state.

    Really keep proving each day to your wife that you are a genuinely loving husband and father, and that love has nothing to do with your status in the organisation.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    Hi Sanchy and Welcome.

    I know it's gotta feel like a hundred elephants on your back going through this right now. But we're all here for each other. Anytime you want to come hear and vent, don't hesitate at all. We're all here to provide moral support and to hear each other out. God Bless.

  • iceman

    Hi Sanchy,

    I feel for you and your situation.

    Its not easy to continue when you have doubts and also when those doubts lead to fears concerning you life and those whom you love most; your wife and kids.

    Looking back on my life in the truth; I would say I had hundreds of reasons for leaving and "breaking free" as others would like to say. I was an MS at 22 and an Elder at 28. I continued as an Elder for 21 years. Resigned as at an issue of conscience. Been through rough times since then.

    With more reasons to give me for opting out of the whole thing.

    I was disfellowshipped in a kangaroo court. And did not associate for about 5 years.

    My family did not talk to me. But the main reason for going back was. I knew thats where I wanted and needed to be. And if an organizations keeps itself this pure. Why not

    Yes i have read apostate sites. I agree with some of the things they say.

    However you need to just reflect for a time. On some of these facts that I have found rewarding.

    1. the organization is NOT inspired. Yes they say some dumb things sometimes. And maybe when it comes to dates; maybe they should not say anything.

    2. Jehovah has always had an organization here on earth. If the brothers are not it. Then who is.

    3. Think about you life. How you grew up. How your wife grew up. Your love for her and your kids. The love

    You have for the brothers. How did all that come about. From you and others apply god's principles; where did you find those.?

    4. Why is it that there is a huge number of people bagging the organization? Why are there not Catholics or others bagging their religion.

    5. True Elders do some dumb things too. They are not doctors or psychologist. I always thought when I was an Elder how lucky I was to have some kind of instruction to help me. As if every Elder did what they thought. The place would be in a mess!!!

    I know I disfellowshipped people when I should not have. But I know I disfellowshipped some pretty rotten people. You know what everyone has to stand on their own too feet.

    5. As far as child molestation is concerned. Sure we get things wrong. But at least we investigate and try to get it right. Then we get criticised on how we handled it. We have much to learn. Compare to other religions who do nothing.

    think about things for a while.

    You can still have doubts; but dont through the baby out with the bath water. Dont get yourself disfellowshipped. Its not worth it. Its not a badge of honor?

    I have a great elder in my congregation. We talk about everything and anything. He has doubts about somethings. But we just sit there have a few drinks and talk our heads off for a few hours.

    Its great for the soul.

    But I am certainly not giving up anything that I love so much and put so much of my life into it.

    I am not giving up. because of my wife, kids, family, my friends and most of all Jehovah.

    Get back to me??

  • out4good4

    damn iceman....

    talk about succumbing to the theory of sunk costs....

    I don't think there was any WT practiced and taught thought stopping phrase or technique you missed in that post.

  • ToesUp

    The above post from iceman is very disturbing. Very passive. "Oh well, elders get things wrong, we disfellowship ones who don't deserve it and sure when children are molested we get things wrong." Oh well, it beats the hell out of you being shunned.

    This has to be one of the most disturbing posts I have read to date.

    Yes, iceman you are right where you belong. Right back with the JW's. It's guys like you who confirm why so many are leaving! Sick!

  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    Welcome SANCHY and PATKIM!

    Great to have you here.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim


    It's all in his name. As cold as ''ice''. Just as cruel and as passive aggressive as the elders.

    JW apologists, sick.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Hi Sanchy, I've read through or scanned all of the comments and see lots of good advice here. Here's mine in a nutshell.

    • This is not an emergency....a fix doesn't have to happen right now or all at once. This situation didn't happen overnight and there is no reason you should expect to fix it immediately.
    • Your wife is bringing a new life into the world and needs to feel secure. Do and say what it takes to make that happen. Again, this doesn't have to be resolved now.
    • You've already pulled the plug on being a full on elder so that's a done deal but I'd use the arrival of a new baby as a reason to curtail other so called "privileges", temporarily (or so it would seem to them).
    • In a few weeks when this has died down, casually mention to one of the other elders ( in so many words), that you're been thinking about it more and that you're probably going to focus on yourself and be more available for your wife and newborn so from now until you see how it goes with the baby, it's unlikely that you'll be available to anything additional. ( you wouldn't necessarily have to to your wife mention that you've done this)
    • Remember, being an Elder is a voluntary thing...they don't own you, and it's not a requirement to be one.
    • With your new found freedom / time, be an extra big help around the house and with the kid(s) (i'm guessing you already are) but don't be too obvious about it. Just do extra little things that will make her job/life easier and nicer. (wash her car, put a load of laundry on or fix something around the house that's been neglected) but do it quietly without trying to be noticed or make it seem as if you are trying to prove something. She may like the change in you.
    • Don't try to show her the holes in the doctrines you are learning about. Rather, from time to time casually ask her to help you to make sure you are understanding certain things correctly. I found that when I did this with my wife, she began seeing the holes in the reasonings as she explained them to me. I didn't have to say anything...just listened. In fact, if I showed here something point blank, she'd put her guard up and or blinders on.
    • If the topic of teaching the children comes up, let her know you are open to whatever she wants to do in that regard, with the knowledge that more than likely, if you handle things tactfully, she'll begin to see the light herself as time goes on and so will the kids as they get older.
    • You are definitely not alone when it comes to feeling the pit in your stomach one feels when they discover that the one thing they counted on in life, isn't true. As uncomfortable as it is and as much as you want it to go away right now, time will be a friend to you as you adjust. Don't burn any bridges with friends of family by spilling your guts to them too soon.(or at all)
  • OneGenTwoGroups

    Former elder of 14 years here Sanchy. I resigned in 2012. I'm the co-host of a new podcast called "JW Escape" and I still go to meetings. LOL Episode 2 will be uploaded in a couple weeks and it will deal with our issues of being "stuck" in the organization.

    I'm still going to to meetings for my wife sake. I plan to shut down all theocratic activity toward the end of this summer/early fall.

    I have no children, I'm not sure what the future of my marriage will be. I will not be living my golden years with a JW, I'd rather not those be sacrificed as well.

    2016 will be my year, I wish you the best.

  • life is to short

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