Walking a thin line - Resigning Elder

by Sanchy 106 Replies latest jw friends

  • Bonsai

    iceman 9 hours ago


    Its not easy to continue when you have doubts and also when those doubts lead to fears concerning you life and those whom you love most; your wife and kids. Glad you understand this.

    Looking back on my life in the truth; I would say I had hundreds of reasons for leaving and "breaking free" as others would like to say. I was an MS at 22 and an Elder at 28. I continued as an Elder for 21 years. Resigned as at an issue of conscience. Been through rough times since then. Issues of conscience and hundreds of reasons to leave and yet you go back for more? You must really like the abuse!

    With more reasons to give me for opting out of the whole thing.

    I was disfellowshipped in a kangaroo court. And did not associate for about 5 years.

    Disfellowshipped unfairly, ostracized for 5 years and you go back like an abused wife goes back to her abusive husband.

    My family did not talk to me. But the main reason for going back was. I knew thats where I wanted and needed to be. And if an organizations keeps itself this pure. Why not

    Of course WHERE YOUR FAMILY IS is where you want and feel the need to be, but using someone's family as emotional black mail to keep you in doesn't let the organization off the hook for its injustices.

    Yes i have read apostate sites. I agree with some of the things they say.

    However you need to just reflect for a time. On some of these facts that I have found rewarding.

    1. the organization is NOT inspired. Yes they say some dumb things sometimes. And maybe when it comes to dates; maybe they should not say anything. The organization claims to be inspired when it suits them and claims to be infallible, yet led by the holy spirit when they make huge, blundering mistakes. It's amazing the mental gymnastics that people go through to pretend that claiming to be led by holy spirit and being inspired are two different things, They are not.

    2. Jehovah has always had an organization here on earth. If the brothers are not it. Then who is.

    Where has this organization been the last 2,000 years? Oh, maybe you mean the Catholics who decided which books of the bible were inspired AND gave us the name "Jehovah". How kind of them, yet you won't get one witness to say something good about them.

    3. Think about you life. How you grew up. How your wife grew up. Your love for her and your kids. The love

    You have for the brothers. How did all that come about. From you and others apply god's principles; where did you find those.? A loved forced by emotional manipulation and blackmail to conform through coercion and undue influence. "Interpret the bible as we do or we will cut you off forever." Yeah, real love there.

    4. Why is it that there is a huge number of people bagging the organization? Why are there not Catholics or others bagging their religion.

    People "bag" (whatever that means) other religions on here as well. We challenge all extraordinary claims and demand extraordinary proofs from any organized religion. But you do know that this site is called jehovahs-witnesses.com right?

    5. True Elders do some dumb things too. They are not doctors or psychologist. I always thought when I was an Elder how lucky I was to have some kind of instruction to help me. As if every Elder did what they thought. The place would be in a mess!!! Yet, sadly the place is a mess, and sadly they pretend to be doctors and psychologists. Their mishandling of the flock have led to numerous suicides and broken families and abusers being allowed to keep on abusing.

    I know I disfellowshipped people when I should not have. But I know I disfellowshipped some pretty rotten people. You know what everyone has to stand on their own too feet. If you can admit this and yet still defend the organization then you sir are a real (insert colorful expletive here).

    5. As far as child molestation is concerned. Sure we get things wrong. But at least we investigate and try to get it right. Then we get criticised on how we handled it. We have much to learn. Compare to other religions who do nothing. This is a pathetic strawman. There is no religious organization in the civilized world that does nothing. Laws are laws and thankfully there are arms of the law that make sure each religious group is obeying the law in regards to the handling of pedophiles and abuse. How many other institutes rely on a primitive "two witness rule" to solve sexual abuse problems in their church?

    think about things for a while.

    I thought about your post all day. It sucks.

    You can still have doubts; but dont through the baby out with the bath water. Dont get yourself disfellowshipped. Its not worth it. Its not a badge of honor?Don't you mean that the baby is your relationship with god and the water is clinging to some religious organization claiming to be the mediator between you and God? I think you've got your priorities criss-crossed.

    I have a great elder in my congregation. We talk about everything and anything. He has doubts about somethings. But we just sit there have a few drinks and talk our heads off for a few hours.

    Yep, let's sit, talk about stuff, wash away the disgust with alcohol AND DO NOTHING. BRILLIANT.

    Its great for the soul. I'm seriously questioning whether you have one or not.

    But I am certainly not giving up anything that I love so much and put so much of my life into it.

    Hard to humble yourself and admit all the years you've wasted slaving away for nothing.

    I am not giving up. because of my wife, kids, family, my friends and most of all Jehovah.

    You do understand that family and god are different from defending an organization right? Who said it's an all-or-nothing deal? You've got them all lumped up into one big, ugly unholy trinity.

  • KateWild

    Bonsai....great post xx

  • TheListener

    Sanchy and Patkim,

    So much good advice here. All I can add is that when I gave up my "privileges" (ugh) I also did it in such a way that they gave me a reduced workload with minimal activity, but enough to show the congregation I was still a witness in good standing but just burned out. I did those activities well at first and then got slowly, very slowly, worse at them. Eventually, say 6-8 months, I told the brothers that I just couldn't handle even the minimal responsibility they gave me right now. Let me focus on my health, my family and my spirituality and I can serve again in the future. Hah, I never intended to serve again!! It worked, it was slow and painful but I maintained my marriage and I am not shunned. In fact just the other day someone from the hall saw me at a restaurant and said "Hi Brother XXX". I was floored.

  • macys

    Sanchy & Patkim listen it does not matter if you are both pieces of garlic bread covered in ketchup and BBQ sauce! Personally that sounds delicious! You are both still valuable in my eyes!

  • jhine
    Iceman l wanted to pick up on your comments about child abuse . lt is not that mistakes were made , the whole set up for dealing with paedophilia is just wrong . You say that the WT is sorting it this out , not so . Read some of the other threads on this . They say make reporting mandatory ( why should it have to be made into law for someone to do the right thing? ) then they try to claim exemption under " confessional " loopholes .They always say that there is no clergy class ! .It is obvious that they are still trying to wriggle out of doing what any decent human being would do .I assure you that other faiths have much stricter rules , not guidelines , about this . Stop listening to the WT propaganda about Christendom and find out for yourself . Jan
  • mrquik
    Best solution is to become "inactive". You'll keep your social network & you are free from participating. Over a period to time, people will get used to this situation. As many will attest on this site, move very slowly in convincing your wife. Be extremely careful at not being labeled an apostate. Friends will put up with "inactive" but the "apostate" label is a game stopper. Good luck. I lost 50 yrs. & a daughter to this religion. Glad to see you out early.
  • Heartsafire

    Welcome and congratulations on your wake up! I really feel for you. I am a fader, and I started my fade this year (I mean this past year). My husband is still totally in. I would have to say our darkest days were when I was first waking up and recklessly confronting him with my doubts. Since then it seems he has come to terms with my fade, and although he doesn't agree with me, we are at peace.

    I agree with the folks who posted on here and said not to rush things. My advice would be to be happy, and work on making your marriage as happy as possible. I know it sounds challenging, and it is, but it is so worth it to finally be living an authentic life.

    Whenever you need to vent, feel free to come here and post. We are here for you.


  • Sanchy

    Again, all comments made by you guys are really uplifting to my spirit.

    I will be patient... although, last night I had another "study session" with wife regarding some nonsensical things in the Apocalypse book... she listened really well. She kept defending the org claiming that it's "not perfect, but closer than any other religion" so there's that, ... but, at least she's listening.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    She kept defending the org claiming that it's "not perfect, but closer than any other religion" so there's that, ... but, at least she's listening.

    How many religions has she actually studied? Or is her knowledge of other religions based on what she's read in the Societies Literature?

    A lot of people have misconceptions about what Jehovah's Witnesses believe because they only know what they've heard.

    Ask your wife if it would be wise for a person to buy a car from a Ford Dealership who presented her with one sided or negative information about Chevrolet's and other makes of cars and warned/threatened her against verifying the information by checking it directly with the other manufacturers. Most Jehovah's Witnesses only know about other religions via Jehovah's Witness filters and their minds are closed. Worse yet, they've never checked into the Blood Issue via outside sources yet are ready to die to uphold it.

  • Tenacious

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