Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX
Her friends have labeled her bipolar. Is this her confirmed mental health/medical diagnosis? If so, the JW beliefs & mental state are not a good mix. Can you deal with that daily for the long haul?
Hi Sherah yes her friends before she isolated herself from them point blank told me she is biopolar and has had episodes. Heck she had an episode with me once taking her to a funeral. I bring flowers and she flips out.
Hi Village Idiot i asked her about why she left and told me she was too young at that time, her mother had passed away, she would slowly go less and less to the JW and finally stopped going. From what she told me i think it was just lack of interest and at the end lack of passion and difficulty driving there which ended it for her. She point blank told me she wanted me to get married so we could continue having sex as a couple but when i didnt give her the answer she wanted she decided to go the nonsex route with me ( so far) and is still into kissing hugging etc but it feels like some perverted almost retarded middle school relationship. I dont know what to say knowing she just wanted to get married to continue having good sex with me but resent me for saying no at her at that moment. Again this whole let me pick and chose when and what i want bs type version of faith. Im finally like ok we can get married but with a prenup and now its not enough because i am not baptized, then if i spend the time doing that what guaranty do i have with all this polar opposite behavior. its like two different people in the same body, one love me one hates me, which one comes out is the big mystery questions.
I dont even know how to feel at this point or how to even react to her. I do love/care for her but man you know we all have limits and just for once i would love to know what is going on inside her head and deep down inside i doubt she knows what is going on in there. Let me give a recap for the last few days. In the whole i love you, i hate you, i will wait for you, you are nothing, i miss you bs from her.
Saturday we didnt meet but finally met Sunday. I even brought her some food which she said lets share this with a friend of mine that needs it, ok i say. We go i meet this lady, nice lady who is very thankful i am saving her money by giving her some food. My soon to be EX gets pissed that this friend of hers likes me, like why does she like me as a person type of vibe almost like jealous that i became her friends friend. It was like she was worried i would steal this friend away from her which was not my intent. Im just tying to help out how ever i can. I get lectured by her not to get to close to her friend and that her friend has no influence over her and what she feels for me and they says she is not happy while we are driving to the movie theater to watch a movie. By the time we get to the theater she has calmed down from her hissy fit and starts kissing me holding my hands and being happy in general. Im like ok finally i get the normal version back. We get the tickets sit down she gets cold i give her my suit and we watch the trailers. Yes many are dumb but then comes the new spiderman one and she gets mad they recast the actor and then goes on about how it has to much violence so its not approved by jw, i say its pg and she get mad saying why do i always have to put my opinion or contradict her.. ok then she cools off but see the king arthur trailer and is like lets watch that even though it has armies fighting and killing people. ( so at least i know she is selective in her beliefs) we see the faith of the furious. We have a good time. I think thats part of what kills me we genuinely do get along great and have fun and i feel handcuffed with this lack of intimacy restriction with her. A plant dies if it is not watered. We end the night she is happy all seems well and tells me she cant see me monday like we planned because she need to take care of something car related but this weekend she will see me.
Monday with plans changed became a crazy day for me so i was swamped with things to do but she was sorta nice but nothing like sunday with me but then i find out she did go to the jw hall early morning and did the door to door thing which i though was odd but does explain her behavior more, the whole distance thing.
Tuesday was tax day and had to deal with the accountant about our family business and my brothers husband came to visit. She seemed a little jealous but also knew i was busy and she was like i miss you i want to see you etc. She says she has no internet for facetime ( phone issue which ironically i am trying to help her with) but spends like around 20 mins on the phone with me happy ( i could tell on her tone etc)
Wednesday i had to deal with other errands up north and since my brothers husband leaves the next day i went out of my way to invite her for dinner with all of us my brothers husband and my parents. She starts acting skittish on the phone mind you she earlier would be begging me to introduce her to my family to my brothers husband but now she is acting like a cat backed into a corner. I am like dont worry i will call you later and if you can i would love it if you can make it, heck my own mother likes her granted she has no idea all the bs this chick has put me through. She is like let me take a nap and we will play it by ear. I call her later nothing so i leave a message and text.
Before i go on i just remembered something she said sunday, she is going to move to another apartment smaller to pay less rent for around two year( thanks for not including me in the discussion) and was like that will give her time to become a better jw and it will give me time to become baptizes so we can get married. Granted at this point i dont know what the hell to think of her when she speaks words to be honest. Oh and the real kicker was she said yes she wants to improve her education and then get a medical type degree ( maybe nursing ) so she can have a better job instead of cleaning houses. This is something i told her months ago thinking in her best interest and she threw that in my face only for later to finally repeat the same plan i had for her. It was like wow you insulted me months ago for that same plan and now i guess talking to a friend you have the same exact plan. I just stayed quiet, at least that is progress but the whole two years thing is to long to wait for me in this crazy like world at the same time.
Back to today Wednesday i dont hear from her so we all take off to eat. Driving she calls me saying she is at a phone store, i remind her in a calmer way that if she can she is more than welcome to meet us to have dinner at restaurant X with my family and my brothers husband. She is like ok i will call you back but she never does. At the restaurant i text her nicely again just incase and she replies cold with ok. Fine we all have a great time but i do feel kinda sad inside because i wanted her to spend time with my family. Later i call her up and she is like well i was at the phone place looking at phones etc. I told her but i have a simple solution for you ( not too simple and im still not sure i want to even offer this level of help to a i love you i hate you we are nothing relationship person, i love you dynamic.) Basically i assume her phone payments and give her an extra line in a family plan so she just plays the finance for the phone under 40 a month and it does not impact her credit. She then tells me she didnt want to go because my family would think we are a couple and today she is like we are nothing even though not even a few days ago we are kissing and she is like i miss you i love you etc. Its this whole i love you i hate you bs. After a long day and hearing this bs again i just tell her we will talk tomorrow good night and hang up the phone. Forgive my language but this is so much crap. We have fun we click then she runs to jw during the week because she feels guilty then come the weekend its like i love you. This is so messed up and bipolar. Frustrated is an understatement.
The one thing i find funny or sad is when she say i mean nothing to her i have to dig deep peel into her soul with questions before she finally reveals that yes she does love me and misses me, its almost like someone stealing top secret papers to get her to admit she has feeling for me but today after a long day i didnt have the time or patience to do that. I can see the JW conditioning come apart with effort on my part but i was too tired today. If she wanted nothing to do with me she would have blocked me and stopped seeing me ages ago and like wise me the same.
The sad part is for me i say i love her but the more peeling one does the more one sees a person one foot out the door just tired of all of this bs. When we get deep into thoughts she tells me she cant choose a man over god even if she loves him which leaves me heart broken because i always tell her you can have both, i wont block you or get in your way but we can do this together. Then she goes into the whole well when you are baptized we will get married but with all this yes no yes i dont know what to even think of this situation. I dont know what to think when she speaks words. I understand i have lost but at the same time i still have feeling for her but also am like WTF is this all. Tomorrow is one of those JW classes and i have no plans of going, lets see what if any reaction or response i get from her. Considering i dont invite people over to spend time with my family this did sting a lot. Sorry for venting guys. Its just so frustrating.
If she's bipolar that definitely explains a lot of it, but I'm sure the JW guilt-tripping didn't help. In many ways she reminds me of my first girlfriend. Some nights we would engage in activities that aren't exactly allowed by JWs because she wanted to, and then the next morning she would be completely guilt-ridden and crying over it. She was the first to say "I love you" and would constantly say how she "belonged to me." (Which I wasn't really comfortable with because I didn't view her as an object.) And yet later she was the one who wanted to end our romantic relationship and be just friends. I decided at that point to break with her entirely.
Well its been a constant fight guys and gals. Im trying my best to make things work but sometimes one can only do so much. We had a great Saturday like a real couple to come sunday that i have to sit else where in the meeting but later with me calling we meet up and have dinner together. Monday was normal i think, Tuesday after i sent her a good morning text replies friendly and then i dont hear from her for the rest of the day. I finally call her up at night time to see if she is ok and she goes off on the i dont have to tell you anything i am devoting my life to Jehovah type speech. Im in the area studying at the library and then when she questions why i am not driving home agrees to see me for a little bit. She cook something for me, meets me is like a totally different person at first a little pissed but then face to face she is back to normal smiling laughing loving kissing type. Ok problem solved right. Wednesday i have a long day but take time out of my schedule to see her later that night. She calls me up all seems good she is laughing i am taking care of some errands and volunteering at a food drive, i save her some food at her request. Later in the day i call her up she was taking a nap and was getting ready for her class but seems a little moody saying i have to get ready and that calls are for summary not to just talk, i found that strange but i was busying taking care of other matters. Then she texts me to not be late, i go out of my way to buy her meat and i pick the reddest roses the fresh market has. Everything is far away so it take some time. She calls me but then is like a little impatient and has the calls all under a min when i am trying to talk to her more she is like im going to drive. At this point im like ok why is she acting this way. We agree to meet up at this place near her place since she was getting gas. She calls me a few times im a little ticked off at her attitude so i let it go to voice mail. When i get there she is like i didnt feel safe so i went home. Bring the food tomorrow, i tell her no im like 2 mins away and will bring the food now. I get there she seems mad, she is like why are you late, not a thank you mind you. OK. Im like i brought a lot of stuff and i cant come tomorrow. She then still in her moody self is like you dont understand i need to read the driving book and get the book tomorrow at the dmv. Im like i got you the book, she is like in a negative way says im going to take my driving test tomorrow. At this point im like WTF, why wouldnt you tell me this, i would have made time to be there to support you get balloons etc, thats what couples do. Instead she is like " i dont have to tell you anything". She finally looks at the bag with the roses and throws it to the floor and says i can call the cops because you are here. Im like go ahead and call, im here because you asked me to come, then she is like i dont want problems because she lives in an efficiency, im like your moving out in a month, she gets even madder. At this point she starts her yelling and im look why didnt you tell me about the driving test, why this lack of trust or i dont know the right word her but one does not treat there other half or even a friend like this, its like im the enemy again. Seriously at this point i get so mad i pick up the Red Roses from the floor and throw them at her face in disgust. She is in complete shock, i tell her simply " look i have always treated you with respect but if you act like a savage to me i will treat you accordingly. If she was a volcano she would have exploded. She goes inside and like clock work blocks me.
Im not one to lose my temper but when i take time out of my busy day (which we agreed on), money which i worked for, love out of my heart and someone acts that way something has got to give. Its kinda hard to imagine getting baptized would magically make her a great wife or what ever bs. If someone is doing you a favor taking time, money, love etc all for you and you act like a savage person its is insane
My advice from a few pages back still stands. Move on, nothing good is going to come from this.
If nothing else, you deserve someone who accepts you as you are. You can never change yourself enough to make someone else happy - Witnesses expect you to change to earn their love. After you join it is a never ending barrage of things you need to change to make them happy. Get out while you still easily can.
What Just Fine said.
Run, don't walk.
I'm gonna be honest with you. She's an insecure abuser. Repeat after me: "She is emotionally abusing me."
Do you want to be with an abuser? If not, break up. I can tell it's not easy for you, but it's simple. Abusers rarely change.
You've been told what you should do.
If you stay in this any longer you're just a sucker for being abused.
Not just a sucker but actually enjoys the excitement of being treated in an abusive manner.
Thanks guys im done. I did my best but yeah the writing is on the wall. Like Dubstepped, Incognito and Saename where kindly trying to tell me its not a failure to walk away. Like enough bs, for me to throw the roses at her face said it all. Deep down she maybe an ok person but she changed so drastically once going back to the JW that she is not the person i met and fell for. I thank God i dogged a bullet here, yes a little hurt but more at this point pissed at the deception or whatever BS she was trying to pull. I understand she has bipolar issues but that is no excuse, I never expected this from her, someone who was at times basically begging me to marry her to end up trying to play mind games on me, its so out of the person i once knew, I feel so deceived. And if this is one of the recruiting tactics to convert they are insane. Foolishly i had to give it my all but yes last night ended everything, the behavior was completely unacceptable.
Ps: Thanks Just Fine i re-read your post with a clearer mind. As much as i still care for her and want to save her that i not something i can not do. She is super damaged but Ive come to terms that i cant save her no matter what i do or failed to do.
Oh and once again thanks for the though love Nathan Natas.